Considering an operation, has anyone been in a similar place?

[PixelPoppy]

This is a bit unusual so I am struggling to find others in a similar situation... I know other people's options shouldn't change what I do or think, but, other people may think of something I haven't thought of and that could help me be better informed to help me decide what to do...

I was born with a genetic thing that means I only developed on one side, so I have been living with a pretend boob and a real boob since I was about 12... (Now 40) It's is hot, uncomfortable, painful, heavy and limiting... I looked into an operation to have the other one reconstructed like some choose to do after a mastectomy however my genetic condition means they can't.

I can ask them to make my other side flat tho...

It would be freeing but very different currently large up top and have a tummy... Hugs would be different and my kids find change hard... My ASD son struggled with my new glasses when I changed the frames for about 3 months I had to have my others as back up as he could have a panic that I wasn't me...

I wonder if I chose to do it that I will feel so amazing that I would wonder why I hadn't done it sooner... Or forever be challenged with feeling and looking flat... I could then wear small lightweight fake boobs on both sides on occasion...?

Does anyone have any experience or input or anything? Thank you

Can I ask whether all types of reconstruction are out of the question? I had a reconstruction after breast cancer and had to choose between an implant or DIEP surgery (where they use fat from the tummy to build a new breast).

it was a different choice and had different connotations, as I was also offered a lumpectomy. So for me the choice was a straight mastectomy without reconstruction or lumpectomy or reconstruction (either implant or DIEP). I chose DIEP and it’s been fine. The fact I’d had cancer obviously helped me to make a decision and also the fact that I did want a reconstruction if it was possible to make me feel as little different as possible afterwards.

In your situation, you’re obviously used to the current status but I can understand why you want to explore other options. If there is definitely no way of reconstructing then I would definitely consider going flat. Could you have the surgery but make it a gradual process for your kids? I mean, keep using fake boobs on both side but gradually reduce their size so the change isn’t so stark or immediate? Or do you think that as your son gets older he might find it easier so wait until then?

I don't have any experience to draw on, but I can sympathise with how uncomfortable the "pretend boob" might be and why you might want to even up the other side. I don't think that's an unreasonable solution. However, you mention how your DS might react adversely to such a change in your appearance, which at least should probably be a consideration in your decision making. How old is he? Is there perhaps some help you might be able to get from somewhere(???) to prepare him for accepting that change should you decide to go ahead with it? And if you do decide to have the other boob removed, will the NHS do it because of your genetic condition or will they consider it merely cosmetic? (I realise this may not even be an issue for you, but it might be.) You say that you have a tummy and might feel awkward with presenting with a very different body shape. But you might find it's something that helps you to lose some of the tummy weight too! Whatever you do decide, I wish you well.

Yes, unfortunately all types are out as they cannot touch the flat side at all. Lymphatic abnormality on that side and could cause loads of issues.

That you for the suggestion of gradually downsizing!! I hadn't thought of that!! That might be a really good plan!! Thank you

Thank you! Yes I'm already on a pathway to try to reduce my tummy, but had issues after kids and now a hernia too!! (All fun and games) But losing weight is the current plan ..

About the help for somewhere... I'm not sure where that would come from...

Thank you for your well wishes!

Firstly, you've lived with this for nearly 30 years, so it makes complete sense that this feels like a huge decision. You're not just thinking about surgery, but about identity, comfort, your family, and how you'll feel in your own body afterwards.
From what you've written, it sounds as though you're already carrying a lot of physical discomfort from the prosthesis, and that's important. If something is hot, painful, heavy and limiting your life every day, it's understandable to wonder whether being flat might actually feel liberating.
I'd also try not to let your son's reaction to change become the deciding factor. Children, including autistic children, can struggle with changes initially but often adapt with preparation and time.
If you haven't already, it might be worth speaking to other women who have chosen to go flat after breast surgery, as their experiences of body image, clothing, intimacy and everyday comfort could be really valuable. Ultimately, the question isn't just how you might look, but how you want to live for the next 30 or 40 years.
Whatever you decide, it sounds as though you've thought about this very carefully and are considering it for your own wellbeing rather than for cosmetic reasons alone.

@BetweenTheThoughts Thank you!!