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Women's health

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Endometriosis help-Trying to support someone

26 replies

lingmerth · 03/04/2026 12:52

I’m very new to this world. Trying to support my son’s girlfriend. She’s had problems since a teenager. 24 now. Had laporoscopy last year which hasn’t helped. She’s NC with her mum and lives with her dad. She’s on her second referral now. No one to advocate for her except my son. She’s worn out by it all. Takes Naproxin. Has a Tens machine and constant hot water bottles. Pain in her legs too. Can only work part time. Her appetite is very poor and she’s underweight. Dr tried to fit Mirena coil last month which was a disaster and traumatised her. She’s in a couple of online support groups which helps.
what can I do practically and emotionally to support her. Btw we live 150 miles away!
Thanks everyone

OP posts:
Dozer · 03/04/2026 16:55

Would stay out of it and just be nice to her if/when you see her, and listen to your DS.

lingmerth · 04/04/2026 13:59

She’s reaching out to me so I can’t stay out of it.

OP posts:
momz1 · 07/04/2026 04:17

Stay in touch, listen, offer reassurance, help with research, encourage healthcare contact, and assist with tasks remotely.

britcheshemisphere · 07/04/2026 13:54

Ahhh OP can I firstly just say how lovely it is that you care so much and are willing to be there as much as you can for your DS GF. I feel for her, I remember being her age and suffering and feeling like your getting nowhere and the pain is relentless. Endo is a real bitch..... BUT unfortunately she has to start being as strong minded as she possibly can be and not allow it to beat her. I'm 38 now and been on this rollercoaster since I was 12 and it's draining but you do have to be strong.

Do you know if she is under an accredited Endometriosis centre (Hospital) and/or Endo specialist consultant? If she isn't then I would suggest she get this changed ASAP below is a link to the national endo centres across the UK

https://www.bsge.org.uk/centre/category/accredited-centres/

I went to hell and back in my early 20's with it but the big change came for me when I finally got referred to an endo specialist after years of pain, miscommunication and doctors who had no clue not to mention different pills etc which screwed me up even more. Getting someone who understood the condition and how to treat/manage it was the turning point.

Find BSGE Accredited Endometriosis Centres in the UK

Find BSGE Accredited Endometriosis Centres in the UK. Accreditation of centres is reviewed annually & is active for the subsequent year.

https://www.bsge.org.uk/centre/category/accredited-centres/

lingmerth · 07/04/2026 23:28

@britcheshemispherethank you, this is really helpful. Previously she paid for a private consultation and subsequently had surgery. It hasn’t helped. She sees her GP who has made a referral but she doesn’t know where to. Is this her first thing to do? Find out where? I’ve clicked on the link and there are several accredited centres. One just down the road from her.
Her dr said she’d chase the referral and was also in contact with a pain clinic so couldn’t prescribe anymore pain relief until she’d heard from them.
She Seems a strong young woman but the constant pain and no one appearing to really want to help is demoralising. I’m amazed at the lack of support.
I will pass this link onto her. Thank you again

OP posts:
happydays312 · 08/04/2026 00:38

I second the right hospital - a friend is at Oxford and we live over 100miles away but apparently they are specialised.

lingmerth · 08/04/2026 23:58

@happydays312Thank you. Did your friend ask her gp to be referred to the hospital in Oxford?

OP posts:
britcheshemisphere · 09/04/2026 08:40

lingmerth · 07/04/2026 23:28

@britcheshemispherethank you, this is really helpful. Previously she paid for a private consultation and subsequently had surgery. It hasn’t helped. She sees her GP who has made a referral but she doesn’t know where to. Is this her first thing to do? Find out where? I’ve clicked on the link and there are several accredited centres. One just down the road from her.
Her dr said she’d chase the referral and was also in contact with a pain clinic so couldn’t prescribe anymore pain relief until she’d heard from them.
She Seems a strong young woman but the constant pain and no one appearing to really want to help is demoralising. I’m amazed at the lack of support.
I will pass this link onto her. Thank you again

Ahh bless her I can sympathise it gets you that way, I did the same but I fell lucky as the Consultant was an Endometriosis specialist and he took me on as an NHS patient from then. She really needs to push and advocate for herself and not allow them to fob her off. I'm really very lucky that my local Hospital is an Endometriosis centre and I'm under the Lead Consultant but if you DIL checks out the link I sent you and then insists the GP refers her to the Lead Consultant. We do have a choice of where and who we are seen by but you have to fight sometimes. Hopefully there will be a hospital on there which is fairly local to her.

lingmerth · 09/04/2026 12:03

@britcheshemispherethank you.
I’ve had another quick look on the link you provided. All the hospitals near to her list a Endometriosis specialist nurse but no Endo consultants at all. Does she have to spread the net wider to find one?

OP posts:
ScullyD · 09/04/2026 12:08

I had my laparascopy recently and have been on an emotional rollercoaster since. Do you know of any local endometriosis groups? I find mine on Facebook. Most support is online but they do meet in the city every few months too. I personally found some emotional relief from this. I also think it just be hard on your son to be her only support.

its very hard OP. You feel like you have an invisible illness and misunderstood. You get exhausted from advocating but you also can’t stop. When I’m feeling at my worst, just someone to care and cook for me or bring care packages means so much. Or to logically talk through next steps in advocating for myself when I’m low.

britcheshemisphere · 09/04/2026 12:53

lingmerth · 09/04/2026 12:03

@britcheshemispherethank you.
I’ve had another quick look on the link you provided. All the hospitals near to her list a Endometriosis specialist nurse but no Endo consultants at all. Does she have to spread the net wider to find one?

They are listed as Gynaecologists on the link :)

lingmerth · 09/04/2026 23:27

@britcheshemisphereso you don’t actually know if they specialise in Endo?
Fortunately she lives in a big city so there are several hospitals that are accredited centres. I’ll definitely pass all this info on to her.

OP posts:
lingmerth · 09/04/2026 23:43

@ScullyDthank you for your reply. Your post could have been written by her.
My son is out of his depth but is very caring and supportive of her.
Like you she is a part of several online support groups which she finds helpful.
She does find it difficult to advocate for herself although she said if it was a friend going through it she’d find it easy.
last time she visited the dr she’d made a list of all the points she wanted to get across, and the dr said ‘I’ve already referred you I’ll get it chased and no different pain relief until I’ve spoken to the pain clinic.’
That was it. She’s then left very upset, no further forward , and apparently just has to get on with it.
Are there any benefits she can claim as she can only work part time as the pain is so bad?

OP posts:
dreamlove · 10/04/2026 00:15

Paracetamol as well as the naproxen, ask GP about dihydrocodeine - she can buy Paramol over the counter which is worth a try as well. At my worst I was on all the above plus morphine
be you period patches helped me a little
you could treat her to a heated pad? I really like mine, plugs in like a heated blanket

I had surgery with a BSGE specialist and a bowel surgeon, 8.5hrs in theatre and a huge amount of work done. Was life changing. Mirena fitted at the same time (she could also be referred to have that fitted under GA or sedation)

Crwysmam · 10/04/2026 00:26

I was diagnosed in my early 20s had surgery x3 and hormone treatment primarily to aid fertility. Once I’d eventually had my DS, endometriosis is just the gift that keeps on giving and increases the risk of miscarriage ( I had five before succeeding), I had a Mirena coil fitted.

It was life changing. It’s not always as successful in younger women but one of the major side effects of endo is chronic severe blood loss. I was severely anaemia for years and no amount of iron supplements could keep up with the loss. I eventually had iron infusions which helped.

Although she’s had a failed Mirena insertion it may be possible to have one placed under general anaesthetic privately. Its man effect is to stop the lining of the uterus developing and therefore reduce the loss of blood every month. Many women have endo and adenomyosis. The Mirena helps with adenomyosis.

Hormone treatments such as Zolodex, block hormones and temporarily stop periods by putting you into a menopausal state. This is reversed when you stop using it. On the one hand it is bliss not having the problems every month but it does come with menopause side effects.

Surgery is ok but it’s a stop gap. Usually carried out to clear the lesions and give you a chance of conceiving if you are ttc. Conversely, endo pain is often worse in the early stages when it’s difficult to detect, becoming less painful in the advanced stages. Often just as it appears to calm down and you decide to start a family infertility becomes an issue because it’s done the damage.

Im now 62, post menopausal and thanks to 15 yrs of Mirena have been pain free for 20 yrs. I say pain free, the damage to my bowel and bladder is permanent so still have some problems but you learn to live with low grade constant pain since it is so much better than the severe pain of endo when it’s active.

I hope that they work out or develop medication that can stop endo in its tracks and prevent the damage that creates the heartache of infertility. The pill has been used but it has its drawbacks backs. Some form of hormone receptor blocker that prevents the endo lesions from being active but doesn’t put you into a temporary menopause would be ideal and maybe not too far in the future.

It is such a difficult disease because it affects so many areas of your life. Having an understanding partner is crucial, I was really lucky that my DH was an absolute rock. He knew when I was going into a flare up and would run a bath and just let me deal with it. The pain can be so intense that you can’t stand noise, touch, light and definitely no conversation. He could see in my expression what was going on so if we were out socialising he would quickly make our excuses and get me home. He never moaned about it, would move to the spare room and didn’t fuss over me.

Most of the time you just want someone to acknowledge that it’s more than just period pain.

britcheshemisphere · 10/04/2026 07:10

lingmerth · 09/04/2026 23:27

@britcheshemisphereso you don’t actually know if they specialise in Endo?
Fortunately she lives in a big city so there are several hospitals that are accredited centres. I’ll definitely pass all this info on to her.

They all specialise in Endo the listed gynaes at the centres specialise in it. Not sure what big city it is but if it happens to be north I know from my friend that Manchester is fantastic good luck x

lingmerth · 10/04/2026 16:22

@Crwysmamwhat a roller coaster you've been on over the years. Thank you for sharing. She doesn’t have heavy periods fortunately so she’s not really decided whether to have the Mirena coil. She would have it under anaesthetic this time.
I wonder whether she should explore the Hormone treatments you mentioned. I will ask her about this.
I’m just staggered that in this day and age there still isn’t a cure or treatment that stops the pain.

OP posts:
lingmerth · 10/04/2026 16:28

@dreamlovethank you for your reply. She uses Naproxen and paracetamol now.
I’ll ask her about paramol or dihydrocodeine too. I found paramol very effective for tooth abscess pain.
I’ll look into a heated pad. She wears a sort of belt with a little hot water bottle inside and that helps as she can wear it under her clothes.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 10/04/2026 18:17

No one knew what wrong with me either and I did not get answers until I was ttc on my early 30s I had ongoing severe pain, pelvic pain and heavy bleeding from onset of menses at 14 as well as irregular periods. I eventually received diagnoses of endometriosis and PCOS respectively from a gynaecologist. It did not affect my working life as much solely because my periods were so irregular.

I would tell her about Endometriosis U.K.s website as it could be very helpful to her. If she can be seen at a BGSE centre so much the better as these are accredited endo centres.

You write she had a laparoscopy; was that a purely diagnostic procedure?. What did they find?.

She could take the pill back to back but this masks the symptoms and does not make endometriosis go away. Mirena is also not a licenced treatment for endo but is often used because it’s cheap. Her gp seemed to have no clue as to how to fit it either.

The likes of paramol however, should not be taken for more than 3 days at a time due to potential problems with addiction.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 10/04/2026 18:21

How helpful or otherwise is her father here?. Have you spoken directly to him about his daughter?. Is he prepared to advocate for her?.

lingmerth · 11/04/2026 16:44

@AttilaTheMeerkati know he paid for her to see a dr privately to enable her to get her first referral. I have no contact with him though. No he wouldn’t get involved.

OP posts:
lingmerth · 11/04/2026 16:51

@AttilaTheMeerkat Her first surgery was investigative and diagnosed what she already knew. She had one check up with her consultant afterwards who then discharged her! Just shocking. I hadn’t met her at that point.
ive spoken to her about the Endo UK website but she prefers the online support of her Endo friends.
I know I keep saying it but reading the posts here from all of you over many years I can’t believe Endo isn’t under control now.
You are all truly warriors. I’m in awe.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 11/04/2026 17:19

A diagnostic lap was a complete waste of time and now she will need further laparoscopic surgery. I am appalled this happened . She was fobbed off and discharged unnecessarily . If she can now go to an accredited endometriosis centre so much the better.

ive only had relief from endometriosis by surgery and running the pill back to back. It’s also caused me issues re peri menopause.

Am glad she has found online support but advise her not to rule out endometriosis uks website.

any other questions feel free to ask.

Snippit · 11/04/2026 18:19

I’m still going through this with my daughter who is now 30 and we approached a consultant when she was 14, only to be told she was far too young to have endometriosis. Fast forward to getting nowhere until at the age of 21 we paid privately with a BSGE approved gynaecologist. He carried out a laparoscopy and she was riddled with endometriosis, plus had been born a unicornuate uterus with a non communicating rudimentary horn ( the other half of the uterus) this continually caused pain, not just during a period. It was a bombshell to say the least.

She’s had 5 laparoscopies, each time removing lesions. She’s had various different hormone treatments, which aren’t nice. Approximately 3 years ago she had a hysterectomy, her periods never stopped, she was exhausted by it all and couldn’t work, she only works 2 days a week now.

Because if so much gaslighting and many battles to be believed she has been diagnosed with complex PTSD, she’s admitted that if we weren’t here for her she would most likely have committed suicide. She is currently under a specialist consultant at a hospital in Edgbaston, Birmingham, we live in North Derbyshire, it’s one hell of a journey, but if they can help her it’s worth it.

My daughter has also successfully claimed for PIP, this is a God awful debilitating disease and is recognised for being ongoing and disabling, she was helped with her application by an organisation that specialises in helping people with various benefits.

If you can help your sons girlfriend, my daughter has been through so much, you can’t always cope with it all on your own, at times it can be debilitating.

Feel free to contact me if you need any information. I suffered with mild endometriosis 32 years ago, and I’m sorry to say that treatment and research doesn’t seem to have advanced greatly. Then again it’s an illness suffered by just women, if it were men I’m sure we’d be a lot further along, even my husband agrees with this sentiment

Crwysmam · 11/04/2026 21:59

lingmerth · 10/04/2026 16:22

@Crwysmamwhat a roller coaster you've been on over the years. Thank you for sharing. She doesn’t have heavy periods fortunately so she’s not really decided whether to have the Mirena coil. She would have it under anaesthetic this time.
I wonder whether she should explore the Hormone treatments you mentioned. I will ask her about this.
I’m just staggered that in this day and age there still isn’t a cure or treatment that stops the pain.

It’s a complex disease that seems to affect each one of us in its own special way. After having my DS a lot of my abdominal pain settled particularly with the Mirena. But the scaring around my sciatica nerve caused chronic sciatica. The pain is less visceral so not as debilitating, maybe because I’d already dealt with endo pain for many years. However, after starting to take HRT it deteriorated dramatically and lead to a diagnosis of fibroids.
The most interesting period of my life has been breast cancer and being prescribed hormone blockers for the last five treats. The fibroids shrunk and every last remnant of endo disappeared but unfortunately you swop one set of side effects for another. I can cope with the joint and muscle pain the hormone blockers cause, I was already post menopausal when I started them and being an old lady I can blend in with my peers in discussions about aches and pains but I’m so looking forward to stopping the meds.

The hormone blockers I take would be an effective treatment for endo but as I explained they are not without their side effects which include depletion of bone density. Not ideal for younger women. They are not prescribed to women pre menopause.

My gyni had a theory that my endo was associated with a pituitary condition. All of which had an auto immune cause. I have to have my liver function monitored after a reaction to a drug caused liver failure. I became an international medical novelty as a result with a gyni researcher contacting my gyni to ask about my med history. He guessed that I had endo before my gyni disclised the information.

There is research going on but because there don’t always appear to be common features between patients, perhaps because they haven’t had a parallel auto immune condition although they may well have a predisposition for auto immune problems, it is very much still a mystery.

It has also become a fashionable disease. Because suffered who have severe endo often qualify for PIP, there is a financial gain in some women’s estimation. I’m not suggesting that this is the motivation for most women but anyone who can make and post a Tic Toc video mid flare up hasn’t got endo. Anyone on this thread with endo would probably agree.

A flare up is all consuming. Movement is excruciating, you try to remain as still and quiet as you can to minimise the pain. I’ve had sciatica, slip discs, major surgery for other conditions ( hemithyroidectomy and c section were probably the biggest surgeries) and was able to function pretty normally within 24hrs. Used just paracetamol to completely be pain free. I really can’t remember any painkillers that alleviated the pain of an endo flare up. As a result I have ended up in hospital a couple of times when I’ve ignored moderate to severe pain because my bench mark is endo pain and moderate to severe pain of some conditions doesn’t come anywhere near endo pain.

I think most of us end up with a form of ptsd as a result. I clearly remember the fear and panic of the early symptoms of a flare up. Taking dangerous amounts of painkillers in an attempt to stop the flare ups.

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