Is 43 too old to become a first time mum?

[Kittykittymeowmee]

Just that really.
We've been trying since 2022; multiple failed IVF attempts, 43 later this year. We have 4 embryos in the freezer and I've been putting off planning my next transfer.

Husband is supportive no matter the decision and I can't seem to come to one. There is no gurantee on the success of the next transfer of course, and the chances of yet another miscarriage is higher of a live birth. What I'm most worried about is a late miscarriage. I've had 2 early ones and the treatment was not great..

Should I keep trying (and - potentially regret / or / finally gain success) or give up now?

I had mine in my very late 30’s, I’m extremely tired tbh (mines not an easy kid either). I recovered really well after a c-section but it took years for me to have the time to start focusing on my own health (which I’m doing for my DC more than anything else). I would say that when I was trying to conceive I was so focused on getting a baby that I didn’t stop to think about what that would look like afterwards. I wouldn’t change anything but I think if I had taken a pause I may have felt the time had passed. Take a minute OP, it’s obviously up to you but it has to be based on how you feel about this rather than what anyone else thinks.

“Other than wishing to be fitter now he’s 10.”

Well, that’s a pretty big thing, I would say, and one that resonates with me.

I had DD at 38 after many miscarriages, I’m now 53 to her 15, and I’m tired, and I’ve felt tired for quite a few years now. It’s really driven home to me how parenting is for the young and fit.

Ans then there’s all the elder care that raises its head while you’re dealing with a teenager.

So I think it’s too old, personally. I think 38 was too old.

I had mine at 36 and 38 and felt that was old enough for me, it was absolutely fine at the time and still is in many ways 20 odd years later, but if I had left it another 5 years I could have been dealing with work, teenagers, menopause and elderly parents all at the same time. Of course we can't predict what will happen with either our DCs or our parents (or our menopause, mine has been easy compared to many I know) but it is worth bearing in mind. I have lots of friends close in age to me with similar age DCs and the burden of elderly parents has been heavy on many of them, some have their own health issues now too.