Contraception when family is complete

[Ketryne]

Hello, I've just given birth to my second baby and we're definitely done. I had two miscarriages between my two successful pregnancies and wouldn't put myself through it again even if I did want another one!

But I've been off hormonal contraception for 6 years and am reluctant to go back on it. I stopped taking the combined pill when I started having migraines with aura symptoms, and the progesterone only one I was put on instead gave me panic attacks.

So, I'd love to hear other people's perspective on our next step. I'm keen to know more about...

• the hormone free copper coil (DR said this causes heavy bleeding?)

• the Mirena coil (Dr said the hormones act locally so less likely to impact mood? But I also know someone who got pregnant with one of these...)

• Vasectomies (husband is open to the idea but wobbled on the idea when he realised reversals aren't always successful!)

Does anyone have any experiences that might help me decide? We can stick with temperature checking/condoms/withdrawal but feels more of a risk now getting pregnant would be genuinely problematic.

Why does your husband need his vasectomy to be reversible?

I have a Mirena and never had any issue with hormones. However the vasectomy would be the best option for your body!

For us I don’t want to pump my body full of unnecessary hormones, dh didn’t want a vasectomy so we have successfully used condoms for the last 21 years.

Vasectomies (husband is open to the idea but wobbled on the idea when he realised reversals aren't always successful!)
If you don't want any more children why will he want a reversal!

Vasectomy is quick and simple, I watched my partners, much better than filling yourself with hormones and doubt

What is it with men not wanting vasectomies.

Vasectomy if you both definitely don't want any more DC.

My husband had a vasectomy. It was a quick procedure (10-20 mins max). The recovery was quick. He was fine within 48 hours and back to sex within 2 weeks. After all the years of contraception, the fertility treatments, miscarriages, pregnancies, and csections, it was time for him to take one for the team. I couldn't and wouldn't put my body through another thing.

Vasectomy but check your area - the NHS doesn't fund it anymore where we are so you have to do it privately. Obviously it's a lot cheaper than a baby, but more expensive than other options, if that's a factor.

I’d be expecting dh to pull his weight in the contraception dept, and wearing condoms at a minimum.

Once you’re agreed that your family is complete, it’s unreasonable to expect your wife to continue to subject her body to hormonal contraceptives when there’s an alternative.

Dh had a vasectomy that involved chatting about football for twenty minutes, taking 2 paracetemol and he was fine the next day.

My second is 10weeks old and I had the mirena fitted on Tuesday. I had it previously and it took ages to settle but had no hormonal effects - didn’t get in with any of the pills.
this time round it was painless to fit and no bleeding so far.
My DH is also in waitlist for a vasectomy, but wanted a belt and braces approach!

My husband had a vasectomy when we knew our family was complete. Easy recovery and he was more than happy to have it as I had gone through pregnancy and childbirth! Also very liberating not worrying about contraception!

Why do you think ? 💁

I’m another who doesn’t really understand the ‘issue’ with a vasectomy not necessarily being reversible. You sound 100% that you’ll be having no more children but he certainly doesn’t! I don’t think DH and I are done with children yet but when we decide we are, he’ll be getting a vasectomy. Least he could do really after I’ve done all the heavy lifting re pregnancy, birth, previous contraceptives etc!

DH will be getting a vasectomy when we are done with children. I’ve spent enough of my life on hormonal contraception, being pregnant and giving birth, it’s his turn now.

If your periods aren't problematically heavy already, the IUD is definitely an option. I got on very well with IUDs and used them with zero issues for over fifteen years, before, between, and after TTC. Once we were definitely done, DH had the snip.

To be fair, he is brilliant and genuinely mostly convinced. He agreed we should really be done messing with me, he happily wears condoms and doesn't want me to take any hormones. I think I'll get him there eventually, he just had a wobble once the baby had arrived and it became a real prospect. The other day he just said 'what if you leave me?' 🙄

We used condoms while he waited for a vasectomy, which took about 4 months from asking not long after the baby was born. Best thing ever.

Thank you. My periods were much heavier after my first child than they had been before but still manageable. I'm only 8 weeks post birth on the second so I'm not sure what they'll be like when they return. How long do they stay in for? I'm wondering whether a coil could kick the vasectomy conversation down the road a couple of years, by which point he'll have got over any nerves!

Are you done or are you both done? If you split up would he want to have another family with someone else? It sounds like he doesn't want to limit his options. How old are you both?

I had a mirena while we decided if we were definitely, definitely done. (Tbh & very darkly we knew we only wanted 2 dc but got past the point where we may have had another baby had something happened to one of them.) Then we played a game of chicken where the mirena was expired and thankfully DH got himself booked in for a vasectomy. It’s the best thing we ever did; I just love that there’s no doubt at all now.

@Bob02 I'm definitely done. Even if he left me or god forbid died, I wouldn't want to go through pregnancy again. And I'm 34 so fairly close to aging out of it being a possibility anyway. He's 37 but obviously has longer if he at some point found himself with a younger woman!

He did used to joke about us maybe having 'an accidental 3rd' so maybe he hasn't fully let go of that idea, but that was before the miscarriages and I really think he wouldn't want to go there again.

I also have 2 DC and had 2 mc between them

Was 36 when agreed we were done

I opted for the implant as couldn't bear thought of coil (only as I have a backwards facing cervix which never dilated)

It was the right option for me - v quick to put in and lasts 3 years

Just wanted to raise it as another option. DH might be ready for the snip after 3 years!

We are mid 40s. I didn't have my first until 40. I couldn't do pregnancy again. DH said at 45 that he would have anymore because he doesn't have the time of finances. Maybe, yours is hoping for a 3rd. Maybe he's biding his time in case the relationship doesn't last. In the meantime I would say no condom no sex. . I 100% didn't want another but I couldn't have had a termination either. After so much fertility treatment and loss I wouldn't have been able to do it.

This. Just tell him to crack on.

His body, his choice. I would never expect someone to do something they don’t want to. I don’t want to be sterilised which is my choice too!

we both have a choice in our relationship. Condoms work perfectly fine for us. Again this is what we chose together.