Incontinence ruining my life

[riversongismyhero]

I've only posted a couple of times before so please be gentle all!

I don't even know what I'm looking for in terms of advice I guess but just need to talk to someone about this.

I'm 38, 2 dds aged 19 and 3 and I have stress incontinence which is just getting worse and worse.

I had a small issue with it after my first but I was so young I got away with it, but then I had a horrendous experience on a water slide where I didn't cross my legs well enough about 10 years ago which left me with some problems occasionally and then after having my youngest it's just a constant problem. At first it was when I sneezed whilst needing to pee but now I think it's happening all the time even when I can't feel it.

This last couple of weeks I've had covid and the coughing has made everything worse, I can't go into the office as I'm too worried about leaking.

It's totally ruining my sex life too as I can't do anything spontaneous just in case, my dh is great about it but I know it must bother him too that it's become so clinical.

I've always been chubby but I'm about 4 stone overweight too and have been shocking at being consistent with pelvic exercises, I've tried an elvie machine thing but it just felt so difficult that I gave up.

I feel like if I go to the doctors they are going to tell me I need to lose weight which I know, but exercise feels impossible with this problem.

I just need to grow up and speak to my GP don't I?

Firstly you are not alone. Half the country is in the same boat. It's a common problem.

Get some tena. They are very reassuring. An insurance policy for going out of the house.

Don't reduce your fluid intake. You need to be drinking water to be healthy. It also fills me up. Especially fizzy unflavoured water but I don't think that's very good for me! But if I'm full of water (1.5litres a day, too much is bad too) I'm not eating crap so good for my diet.

I've been dieting and yes the gp may well tell you to lose weight but if you start sensible eating and waking outdoors with tena confidence tomorrow, by the time you see him/her you will be able to say "I've lost two pounds" which will make you feel more confident that you're working towards your goal. It made me feel more confident when I went with another problem. I felt more proud of myself than a fat useless lump.

Physios can show you exercises. Don't know if they do that with this issue but I don't see why not.

It could be that the GP has some kind of medical way of helping. Perhaps something needs attention because it wasn't done properly after childbirth or something.

Don't give up. We all deserve to be happy.

See your doctor. I was the same and had surgery which, without being dramatic,changed my life.

You don't need to live like this and accept it as normal.

There are people who specialise in helping with pelvic floor issues. Your doctor might be able to refer you to somebody local to you, but have a look at this website. Looks like they do online as well as face to face depending where about you are.

Scroll down a little it talks about pelvic health
www.mbwomenswellness.com/

Thank you, I feel like surgery might be the only option now as everything feels so weak that exercises are almost impossible.

Has the surgery totally fixed your issue or just made it markedly better?

Can I ask what the recovery was like? I'm worried about how I'll square this away with work.

Thank you so much, I've been using pads for the last 3 years even at night but recently I'm worried that even that isn't enough.

You're so right about starting something health wise though, even if they do tell me to lose weight (which isn't upsetting because I'm sensitive about it, more just that I'm worried that it will delay getting something sorted) then at least I'm on the right path.

I would go to the GP as a first port of call but if you were able to, I'd also pay for a consult with a women's health physio specialising in pelvic floor health. I had a very thorough consult after my 2nd baby and it was very informative.

See your GP! I did after struggling with incontinence after having my son (although my issue was more of an overactive bladder). I'm on medication that has helped massively. I wish I went sooner, I struggled for almost 2 years, I was just so embarrassed about it

Thank you, it's so daft but I feel like this is my own fault because I've put so much weight on since my youngest was born and I haven't been consistent with exercising. Not that I think I should suffer but more that I'm worried that I'll go and they will say nothing can be done.

Please don’t be embarrassed about it and feel that there is nothing to be done. At least go and talk to your GP.
You may as well have another go at pelvic floor exercises. It may feel pointless at first, but you have to start somewhere. I use the Squeezy app which you can set to give you reminders and a specialist physio can help you do the exercises correctly. I saw a brilliant one through the nhs.

Please see your GP, I did and was referred to the incontinence service who have been really helpful.

Yes surgery has totally fixed my issue. I was taken seriously by the doctor

Like you I tried everything and was at the end of my tether.

I got referred to hospital, they did various tests, surgery was recommended straight away, I didn't get referred to Physio at all

Ever since the surgery, I've not wet myself once.

Life changing

Just book an appointment with your doctor, what's the worst that can happen?

I just wish I've done it sooner, don't be like me and wait 10 years.

What surgery did you have?

I had the mesh before it was banned. For me, it has worked out very well, but I know others have not been so lucky.
But there are other surgical options available now, I encourage anyone just go and speak to their doctor and see if they can get referred, it shouldn't be accepted as a normal part of having had children.

I’d second going to see your GP who will probably refer you to the incontinence service at your local hospital and then a women’s health physio. There are so many options these days - don’t worry.

Losing weight and exercising will also help. And your physio will be able to help with this.

Also, I’ve recently stopped drinking tea completely and the change has been drastic.

Good luck.

You can buy incontinence pants like period pants. My friend has them and says they are great. You can also get medication for incontinence.

You’re not alone OP.
I eventually went to the GP and she was great, took me seriously and referred straight away. Thankfully I’m covered with private healthcare. It was the consultant who hasn’t taken me as seriously. She offered me a procedure where a bulking agent is infected into the urethra. Called Bulkamid. Apparently she deemed it “not that bad” (it was)
Unfortunately, it hasn’t been successful and I’m going to have to go back, it has been an awful recovery too. Not even sure if insurance will cover another procedure. Just posting really to say, that you’re not on your own here. (And if you’re offered Bulkamid, refuse it!) although others may have success stories as it’s 55% effective apparently.
I’m interested as to what’s worked for people.

I had a mesh too, about 15 years ago. It does mean I can run and jump, but hasn’t solved my overactive bladder, urge incontinence and inability to get a strong enough pelvic floor through exercise and increase my bladder capacity.
I’ve just started on Mirabegnon (I think it’s called) to see if that will help with the sensitivity.

Elaine Miller is excellent. She's a physio, and her pelvic floor exercises can have you 'dry by Christmas'.

t.co/4pJlJtPlR

She's on Twitter as @gussiegrips

Just wanted to say OP that a woman I know had issues with incontinence after a difficult birth - eventually she was referred to a urologist to get botox in her bladder.

I know it sounds totally weird, but it works apparently, I think she goes back and gets it done every few months and it has really helped.

Maybe you could look into that if you didn't want to go down the surgery route.