Hey Mums,
I was hoping for a bit of advice. I don’t really know where I’m going with this so please bear with...
I take the pill (Desogestral) which in turn means my periods aren’t regular. Sometimes I can bleed for 20+ days and some months I don’t have a period at all (cue a major panic every month!) I track my period with an app so I tend to have a general idea of when I should come on.
However, I’m now increasingly becoming more and more anxious about accidently getting pregnant. To the point where I think this is why I have such a low sex drive. I could literally go without for the rest of my life and not be fussed.
I fell pregnant in September 2020 so as you can imagine, I had to attend midwives/ scans alone (thanks covid!). I ended up being overdue (41+2) so I had to attend several sweeps and so on. Finally went into labour and eventually made our way to the hospital. My birth plan was natural water birth which all fell to tatters. I had my waters broken which caused DD heart rate to drop so I was induced. During this time, I had several lovely midwives but 1 in particular was clearly having a bad day or just didn’t like me. She’d always catch my IV line when checking the monitors, nearly pulled it out at one point. Constantly kept saying odd things which weren’t helpful in the moment.
Fast forward to 10cms and I was told to push. I pushed for 2 hours, and my DD still wasn’t here. I kept telling my midwives that something was wrong, I just had a gut feeling. Then the Consultant comes, has a rummage and advises that my DD was back-to-back and her head wasn’t properly engaged at the correct angle. The consultant asked my permission to manually turn DD, she said she’d try twice and if that didn’t work then we’d have to think of something else. While I was talking to the midwives, the consultant tried again without my agreement or even awareness. I patted her on the head and told her no! I begged my partner to listen to me about not being able to keep pushing, I told my midwives I was exhausted so we agreed that forceps would be the best option. So off to theatre I went for forceps and an episiotomy. DD was born and all was well.
Looking back at the 9 months & labour I think there are a couple reasons for why I feel the way I feel. I think that having to attend the midwife visits by myself resulted in my feeling lonely because I couldn’t share the experience with my DH. I feel that perhaps if I had a lovely midwife for the length of my labour I’d of felt that the labour itself was better. The consultant, well I don’t really know where to start with her. In hindsight I’m so annoyed I didn’t complain at the time, but now it is what it is.
Fast forward to Sunday just gone, and I wake up feeling sick and ended up throwing up. The cat has been all over me like a rash (she was like this when I was pregnant before). So, I woke up this morning and did a test while my DH got our DD ready for preschool. It was negative, which was a huge relief to me. But now I feel like I must test again because I don’t trust the first test. Such a vicious cycle!
Thank you for making it this far through my ramblings. I do really appreciate it x