Perimenopause or Mental Health

[WillimNot]

Hi all
I'm a little embarrassed to even ask this.

Around 15 years ago, I had a nervous breakdown. I had had my DC very early, both of us lucky to be alive, house move, area move, stress became too much. Had a year of antidepressants and then was taken off slowly by GP. Had counselling but wasn't for me at that time, woman doing it was crap, quite accusatory, and made me feel like a loser. GP actually raised a concern to her board due to her behaviour.

Eventually found a great counsellor about two years later who helped enormously, had experience of growing up in a home with mentally abusive parents and was such a help after the first one.

Anyway, in the last 18 months I've had what I believe are perimenopause symptoms. Hair is falling out, trouble losing weight from my middle. Brain fog, sleeplessness, huge anxiety. Sought help from GP, bloody useless (we are with a different practice after moving). I had attended after using the much publicised Menopause checker on NHS website, which said it pointed towards peri, and to see my GP for help services.

Practice nurse agreed it sounded like peri, did a blood test. GP then called and told me off for "wasting the practices time" as I clearly wasn't post menopausal. Told me she was sending me a link I should use for advice. It was the same bloody thing I used that told me to go to them.

That was a year ago and I've not been back as it's clearly pointless. The issue is I had a GP who cocked up years back when I was in the middle of the nervous breakdown, he put me on medication that made it worse, when I went back he upped the dose. I became suicidal down to those meds. Saw a different GP in same practice who told me meds given were for alcoholics, not for my MH issues so no wonder they made me worse. As a result, ignorant GP placed a note on my file that I make up illnesses and am a frequent flyer at the GP. I'm far from it, but it's stuck and I get the same eye roll from GPs in most cases that I make up illnesses. I can not go for 3 years and still get treated like shit.

Recently I'm really struggling, but not like the nervous breakdown when I was angry. In this case I'm struggling to not cry, I panic, I wake up having panic attacks. I feel useless, lonely, and crap. I can't function. The constant panic is awful. I am terrified.

I don't know what to do, is this peri or full menopause or something else?

DH is getting sick of me getting upset over what he sees as nothing. We've taken on a huge project and I'm convinced it's going to fail and I've just left it to him because I feel sick with fear and I am in flight mode. I think if it gets worse he will divorce me because he's getting really annoyed by my constant crying and "doom" as he calls it. He doesn't understand at all

I don't have much support, I'm not close to his family (got told directly by one of his sister's that none of them thought DH should marry me).

Help!

Hi @WillimNot i am so so sorry you are going through this.

First of all, do you have the NHS app? You can see what your GP has said about you at appointments.

Second, make an appointment with the GP (call reception and see who is best for meno).

Go in with the NICE guidelines. Say (don't ask) that you want a trial of HRT and the kind of progesterone and oestrogen you want.

Tell them that at your age, with those symptoms and based on the website they referred you to, that you believe you are peri menopausal.

If you can't do this (which I understand after what you've been through) is there any way you can fund a private gynae appt? At my local hospital a private gynae is £200. They will give you a private prescription, BUT then send a letter to your GP to prescribe what they suggest. So. I never need to get the private prescription, I just wait for the NHS dispensary.

Have you looked on the menopause board on here?

BTW, I was crying constantly for several years before I finally did something about it. I was a moody cow and edging on depressed.

After 18 months I am happy again. Energetic and no more tears.

I asked at 40 whilst sitting in a British hospital due to the volume of blood loss being no existent and period frequency I was told categorically no. It comes across from gynaecologists I’d seen in the Essex and Suffolk region they only want to bother when you hit your 50’s. To my mind this is terrible and too late to engage with women.

I’m fortunate I reached 42 I had a private upper abdo scan and to check the coil was in place and whether a fibroid had really disappeared during a hysteroscopy (it hadn’t) before being told yes evidence in the only ovary seen of peri. Presented this to the GP who duly stopped arguing and suddenly their blood test at only 45 became rather insignificant.

I just find the whole system baffling: if you are someone aged 18 or in your 20’s with a fibroid then your gp will happily tell you this sort of issue only happens to peri menopause ladies.!? Again my GP never took me to one side at 41 saying well this fibroid means you are peri.

Yet why do peri-menopause ladies have this disgustingly hard? Why are so many peri women offered a coil without any honesty? Again, no one has categorically advised why keep the coil. Can I answer if it has improved my moods no. Did it clear up a fibroid or other gynaecological issue - doubt it. Beyond being told to ever more give the magical coil more and more time not one professional can explain why.

Went to get removal of the wonderful coil; said peri has now spread to vaginal skin aiding removal as not possible (amazingly the coil didn’t help smooth that in 4 months oh no) well there is a first.

I phoned my GP surgery after I’d travelled the miles home having lost yet another days annual leave from work and asked to speak to someone. An ANP who is queen in peri menopause I am seeing in a week. It’s about time they started writing prescriptions for patches and the pill and antidepressants if it’s needed.

Your symptoms may be due to your thyroid gland not working as effectively as it should be. I would go private if possible and see if you can get an appointment with an endocrinologist. Some GPs are simply not up to speed at all when it comes to such issues.

I’ve had an underactive thyroid since 1991 it hasn’t been looked after properly and approaching mid-life still hasn’t been looked after moreso to the point an mri in Jan 23 suggested an ultrasound mri on thyroid nodule which actually never happened. It makes me giggle people think all of a sudden the doctors are going to look after this.

all I have encountered is medics saying you can’t be peri menopausal but I’ve now had two medics say in the ovary and vagina which no one of the nhs has actually checked.

OP, if anyone would have a note saying I was a hypochondriac, it would be me. Yet am quite sure I don’t, they can’t do that and I’ve seen my records (as you could too). So, don’t worry about that.

The first poster gave excellent advice.

I found my GP unhelpful but I was able to refer through my work to NHS sexual and reproductive health clinic especially for menopause. I've had telephone consults with a wonderful nurse practitioner and doctor. Really felt undestood by this doctor. I've tried HRT but it wasn't for me so I'm exploring other options.

The advice they've given is to focus on relaxation and reducing stress, as during perimenopause we become less resilient, which is linked to hormone production. The stress hormone cortisol is produced but that stops the production of the female hormones. Also, cortisol leads to weight gain. Hence the importance of finding ways of relaxing. I've shared this with my DH so he can understand the changes and my new needs.

Endurance exercise can actually increase cortisol so better to do interval training and weights. So it's all about working smarter - not harder.

Knowing why my emotional responses have changed and the reason for my weight gain has made me feel a lot better. But the info they've given made has allowed me to feel more able to tackle it and be kinder to myself.

I may still go back on HRT in the future. I haven't ruled it out but for now I want to explore exercise and relaxation. Everyone has an unique experience and there's no one size fits all.

Hope you are able to find a clinician to support you appropriately. It makes a big difference.