Wife serious injury and not eating

[Worriedhubby123]

Hi all

I’m not a mum, but hoping you mums can give some advice?

my wife had a car accident 3 weeks ago and has 2 compression fractures in her spine as well as whiplash. Was in hospital for a night but now home (she has a spinal brace but didn’t need surgery) and in a lot of pain and on large amounts of pain medication. (If it matters Co-codamol, gabapentin, diazepam, naproxen, omazeprole and tramadol on a rotating schedule.) she also is taking vitamin supplements.

obviously heavily encouraging her to do as little as possible other than her physio exercises and she’s signed off work for 12 weeks. We have a child but he is not tiny (year 5) , and I do laundry etc and have a cleaner that comes in 2x a week to encourage her to rest as much as possible.

The problem is she’s not eating. I will make breakfast for me, her and our son before leaving for work/taking him to school and I notice when I return it’s not been eaten. Her mum made her loads of frozen ready to eat microwave meals which remain untouched, and I keep loads of her favourite snacks beside her which she doesn’t really seem interested in. We have dinner together but she will pick at it and usually only be able to eat 1/3 of a portion.

I’ve voiced my concerns and she says that the medications are making her very tired and she has completely lost her appetite. She’s visibly losing weight rapidly and I’m concerned, but don’t really know if I should be nagging her about this or will it just pass in time? I’m also worried that the strong meds will be doing damage if she’s not eating enough.

would appreciate advice from anyone who has been through a serious injury like this?
Thank you

That’s a very heavy medication schedule she’s on (having taken all of those but never together). I would be focussing on tapering off the meds as per schedule and ensuring she can do physio and rehab and rest.

I think if she’s only able to eat small amounts then make sure whatever she eats is as calorie dense as possible.

eg : as a tablespoon of olive oil to soup (or as much as she can tolerate)

small slice of fresh bread with thick butter

peanut butter on oat cakes (some are very high calorie for just one “biscuit)

macadamia nuts as snacks ; look at the calories per gram they are incredibly high

Poor woman! :(

Different circumstances but I've spent a lot of time bedbound and with a lost appetite. The thought of food might even turn her stomach:

• first, any calories are good calories. Whatever you can tempt her with
• second, she needs to eat. By which I mean, she needs to recognise that the lack of appetite is starting to affect her health & she needs to push through it and eat something (half a sandwich, a few biscuits, a mug of soup, sausages, toast, whatever)

It might turn her stomach to force herself to eat but she must push through it - she won't realise until she does how much its affecting her. She'll be feeling weaker, more fatigued, possibly nauseous from lack of food, the last thing she'll want to do is force some down, but she must - and when she does, those feelings will pass. Trust me :)

Some tips:

• Mini fridge within reach
• Little & often
• Fingerfood
• Whatever she fancies
• High calorie food over salad
• Serve on blue plates & bowel (the blue makes food look more appealing & has been shown to help encourage patients to eat)

It's also worth reviewing with her doctor, who may be able to tweak her meds to make it easier for her.

I should also mention that she is massively missing being able to go out and have a glass (or bottle!) of wine with friends and go to dinner and things like that. She was never a huge eater but she had an active social life and I can’t help but wonder if maybe she’s also a bit depressed.

Tiny portions of tasty nutrient rich food- ice cream, custard, rice pudding. Coddled egg, hot chocolate- we used to talk about invalid food.
Comfort food- buttery toast, tomato soup...

I've been there and know what it's like. Honestly the thought of food would make me heave. However once I got up out of a lying position (eventually) while I was still feeling crap and couldn't eat and didn't want to either, I realised that I was fading away to nothing and had to do something!

Doc prescribed Fortisip, and for a few days managed to get them into me. Then I progressed onto full fat high protein yogurt to which I added the fortisip. Once I had something inside me I didn't worry too much, and for a good few weeks I existed on dioralyte in plenty of water for hydration even though I didn't have diarrhoeia, and the yogurt and fortisip.

It took a while, but gradually the appetite returned. Meds are a big cause of eating and constipation issues. I found that pear and orange puree + chia/linseeds in the yogurt helped enormously. But it's only when up and about that I found things slowly improving.

It's great to see the support you are giving her. I wouldn't worry for a little while yet, once she is getting plenty of water and electrolytes it will be ok for a while.

My mum has been the same after an accident recently and on strong painkillers. She's getting better now and eating more so I'd assume the medication is affecting her appetite

Do you think she might be depressed?
An accident like that would be very traumatic & she may be struggling with her mental health.
You sound lovely & supportive.
If her poor appetite & weight loss continues, it would be worth her seeking advice from her GP.

What does she like to eat? When I was very ill all everyone offered me was the nourishing good for you stuff that I couldn't face, what I rally fancied was a curry! Not suggesting that is what she would like, but I would ask, or offer a variety of things, pizza, chips, chinese, tasty things she might normally like.

Ask the doctor. I had a severe spinal injury and changing one of my medications led to almost painful cravings for extremely spicy food. My friend would order it prior to the dosage time and this way I actually managed to gain weight (something I needed to do for my health) and get to a healthy BMI. Back injuries can be depression inducing. If your wife wants someone to talk to who has been there and rebuilt their life with some changes, please do DM me. While I’ll never run or gym again, I’ve lived so much life I thought would never happen again.

Can you encourage friends to drop by for 20 minute visits.. to not overtire her.. bringing a small tasty bite with them.. having a coffee/tea and a blether to lift her mood AND a little snack in their company takes the focus off the food but not wanting to refuse their gift at the same time?

Several of those medications cause nausea as well as constipation. Both of which can reduce appetite. Something like macrogol daily could help along with going back ro the specialist/GP and asking for medication to treat the nausea. If you meant Omeprazole that will be to treat associated reflux/nausea but an antiemetic medication would probably be more helpful for treating them nausea.

Nagging is a sure fire way to tank your relationship. You’re not her parent, you’re her partner. Encourage her to eat by all means but don’t start nagging her about it.

@Worriedhubby123 hi there OP sorry to hear your wife is so unwell. you seem to be doing a great job looking after her

with those medications, she needs to be on anti sickness (ondansetron is usually my first choice) as well as laxatives. it is possible she is blocked up. something like a combination of senna and lactulose should do the trick. In your place in would give your GP a call, lack of nutrition this severe can cause serious issues.

tbh in your place.... I would also go for a private second opinion for her spine, if it's something you can she'll out for. you should be able to get copies of the imaging from the hospital

@Worriedhubby123

Could you ask the surgery for a home visit next week? I think it would be for the best.

I was going to suggest that you ask the GP about Nutricrem in case that helps her to manage something for the time being. The Doctor will advise, I'm sure.

https://nualtra.com/products/nutricrem

If she’s been in a car accident which caused a serious injury, I wouldn’t rule out the possibility of PTSD.
She’s had something very traumatic happen to her.

Also, is she having regular bowel movements? Could she be constipated - given the meds she’s on/the lack of solid foods?
May sound ridiculous, but once when I had a back injury I was scared to do a bowel movement because I knew I would be in pain. I also limited my food intake, thinking I wouldn’t need to poop then… Obviously, that was a stupid thing to do, and made things worse. Look into stool softeners that can be taken.

Thank you for everyone who commented - it’s been really helpful and given me some food for thought. I will show her this thread and see what she thinks.

many thanks again

@Bonbon21 I second this, isolation is hard at the best of times. Maybe her friends can come & see her regularly, share some snacks etc. She needs to laugh

Also agree that she could be dealing with fallout from such a traumatic accident, which is another reason for keeping doctor abreast

And you do sound like a lovely husband :) I hope you are coping OK

Hi, OP.

When I fecked my back my GP prescribed the usual cocktail of drugs plus an anti-emetic. That's what your wife seem to be missing, as pp have said.

For gut health, and gut movement, fruit and kefir make for gentle additions. I see she's already eating clementines. Grapes are good, too. For god's sake don't feed her laxatives - the worst thing for someone in pain with mobility problems are frequent toilet visits.

I now have a mini fridge in my bedroom so I can pick at things like that, along with cheese slices (for protein) and rye crackers.

Tbh I don't eat much either. So I do have to watch that I get some protein.

Your wife is obviously zonked, exhausted and concerned about the future - will she ever be the same again, she could well be pondering. She may be also thinking, what the hell just happened to me? And more besides.

Also, a few months down the line, visit the issue of checking bone health. All women need to be aware of this.

Best wishes to you both.

I suggest you buy some ramen (the Itsu one in cartons is very good) My dp was the same when on very similar meds, and he could manage tiny cups of broth. Just plain- no bits!

@Worriedhubby123
I talked to my dp about this-as I said, he was in a similar position not long ago. He
reminded me that his taste has massively changed-he never liked sweet things and he does now. Also that I used to make him a big bowl of dal that stayed in the fridge and he could microwave a little whenever he fancied it. He couldn't deal with meal times- he just ate whenever he felt he could. Hope this helps.

@Worriedhubby123 Also, dp tells you to be sure to look after yourself too- obviously you're under a lot of pressure and have a lot to do , but make sure to give yourself the occasional bit of breathing space.

I’ve never been in a situation like your wife’s, but I have sometimes been very rubbish at eating.

Huel works for me when I can’t eat. It’s a ‘nutritionally complete’ meal as a shake. You can buy them ready made in Sainsbury’s for about £3 (probably best idea for first 2-3 meals while you check if she’s interested) or get a packet of powder that you mix with milk or water for about £15.

@Crumpetsssss Other meal replacements are available.

Back again asking for more advise…
@CurlewKate especially as your husband went through this. Also @KikiShaLeeBopDeBopBop and @Bonbon21 @AutumnCrow too… as your advice was helpful before.

Things have not improved sadly, in fact getting a bit worse.

I took your wisdom and discreetly asked a few friends if they would pop round to see her she’s been actively rejecting visitors, told them not to come while also eating less and less. I’ve been stealthy keeping an eye on it and yesterday all she had was a couple of ryvita, a chocolate biscuit and an apple. Several cups of tea too but black or herbal. Got a few meal replacement drinks which are still untouched. She is visibly losing weight at a fairly quick rate. She says that she is in too much pain to think about eating.

I encouraged her to come with me on a date tomorrow morning for voting, followed by a short coffee at our very local lovely cake and antique shop (it would be in total a 10m all round drive). She says she doesn’t want to leave the house, which makes me immensely sad and concerned about her mental health.