Help please :(

[Se1401]

To start I need to say that I suffer from severe health anxiety which I am trying to get help with through antidepressants and cbt thereapy.

In July I made a very stupid mistake of sleeping with someone I had been speaking to for a while, due to my own stupidity we didn’t use anything. Since then I have been consumed with the thought that I’ve got HIV. I found out afterwards he’s a bit of a player and has slept around a lot. Since July I have had 5 hiv tests, the last being a rapid one in November and thankfully all have been negative but I’m still so scared that I might have it. It literally consumes me all the time and causes me to have panic attacks. The last time I went to the clinic (November) the nurse was amazing and listened to me cry and was so helpful and she did another rapid test which came back negative and said to me that I need to stop worrying as it typically shows after 4 weeks.
I just can’t stop panicking. It’s ruining my life.

Keep having tests if that reassures you.
Give yourself times of the day/week when you allow yourself to worry about this, and write down your feelings too, if that helps/you want to.
Find a pyschologist to talk to about this and your health anxiety.

Can you ask the person you slept with to do an HIV test ?

We don’t talk anymore as he basically used me..
I am going to go back to the clinic hopefully in the next week and they offer psychosexual counselling which I’m going to enquire about. I just feel sick with worry all the time

I used to worry about this in the same way. It helped me to research HIV. I realised that it is not the terrifying disease it once was, and with new medicines it is basically treatable.
Once I was less scared of it, I stopped worrying that I had it all the time.