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Women's health

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Original poster

What can I do about no sex in a year

28 replies

oldbeforetime12 · 11/12/2023 10:39

This is incredibly embarassing so please be gentle.
For over a year I have not had sex with my husband. He hasnt pressured or mentioned it, but I dont want to be this way.
My issues are

  1. I have no libido at all. I love my husband and I dont want to be just friends with him.
  2. I have so much pain when we did have sex cos I feel like Im being rubbed, no matter how much lube we used. Im not sure if its the episiotomy scar (from 17 years ago) causing this or not, but it gets so sore.

I built up my nerve and went to the doctors about 2 yrs ago. He prescibed Oestrogen Gel but I couldnt continue as it made me so sick. I have always struggled with Oestrogen and it always makes me sick. So this means I cant have HRT.
I also probably have lichen sclerosa which is controlled with steroid cream.
I need to go to docs again cos I dont want to continue like this.
What do I need to say to the doctors to get this sorted?

OP posts:
Original poster
oldbeforetime12 · 17/12/2023 12:30

@Watchkeys maybe freeze is the wrong word, its all in my mind thinking its gonna hurt which means I'm not relaxed so it hurts. My husband is infinitely patient and takes it so slow. I have to tell him to stop asking if I'm OK as it ruins the moment.
I've never been confident with sex and have become less so my personality I'm afraid

OP posts:
AnnaMagnani · 17/12/2023 12:53

All I can say is that vaginal oestrogen improved the vaginsmus I've had since forever to the point I wonder what the hell was wrong in my 20s.

Watchkeys · 17/12/2023 13:49

I have to tell him to stop asking if I'm OK as it ruins the moment

But if it hurts, is the moment not ruined for you anyway? Is it not ruined for you by the fact that you can't tell him there's a problem?

Where did you learn to be ashamed of sex and to find it embarrassing? That, for many women, would be enough to make it into an uncomfortable and possibly painful experience. This might not be a physiological problem. It's uncomfortable to have sex when your body doesn't feel like it; for everybody. That's not an illness or ailment, and squirting a bit of lube on it is treating the symptom, not the cause.

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