Sister has breast cancer - how best to help?

[Iftheydonlygetashifton]

Looking for advice from people who’ve had breast cancer, please. My sister has very recently been diagnosed with breast cancer. She’s still doing tests and scans to see the extent of it, but so far she’s been told to expect chemo, surgery and breast reconstruction. She has a young family and lives abroad an hour’s flight away. I and others have said we are at her disposal as she needs us. She has some local support but I want to be practical and make sure I help her through this. For anyone with experience of breast cancer, what was most helpful for you?

Hi, you are such a sweetheart, your sister is lucky to have you. I have recently been diagnosed with Breast Cancer, had surgery to remove the lump, waiting on test results to see exactly what treatment is needed, I will be doing radiation definitely.

I think the main thing your sister needs is practical help, some meals cooked or maybe a food delivery sent of easy heat in the oven foods and soup. Definitely someone to help out with the laundry or get it taken to the laundrette. Help with minding her children, lifts to appointments etc and someone to give her a break some times. It's nice to get her a care hamper for herself. It's very daunting when you are diagnosed so it's important that your sister knows you are all there for her and she can talk about it as much or little as she likes. It's also important that people don't say let me know if there is anything we can do to help just ask, we won't ask, so people just need to be proactive even it means leaving a dinner on the doorstep, taking the kids for a walk, or sending a card, any practical help means the world and it will to your sister. I wish her the very best on her journey and to all her family who are travelling this path with her. 💕💕💕

frequent cards, notes and small gifts mean a lot. There are loads of cancer care packs on line via Etsy etc. my dd got me a lovely chilly water bottle I took to all my treatments, and made me a blanket I took to chemo.
you sound lovely.

This is a marathon not a sprint. Let your sister know you love her and are there for her. Sometimes writing a card or letter can be a good way to do this. Offer practical help but be prepared to repeat the offer, she may not be clear yet on what support she thinks she will need. Initially the situation will be a huge shock to her and her family. It may be easier to see what’s needed after the surgery has been done. Be a listening ear if you can.

When my sister got cancer she felt drained. Cooking her meals, stocking up her freezer with home cooked meals eg. Lasagne, spaghetti Bolognese, shepherds pie, fish pie, quiche, doing the laundry, driving her to appointments and collecting prescriptions, walking her dog if she has one and if young children taking them to school in September. Cards, hand written letters telling her how much you love her and pamper pack too.

I had recently had a lumpectamy and it took quite a while to recover and was tired, bored and quite down for a while so visitors - were very welcome at that point - assuming that you can do stuff round the house and help with the kids so she can rest - but also be around to cheer her up -
from what I understand with the chemo it does vary a lot how well tolerated it is- a few people sent me flowers which was lovely

Also breast cancer now have excellent information https://breastcancernow.org/information-support/facing-breast-cancer/diagnosed-breast-cancer

If she’s an hours flight away, it’s going to be hard to do practical everyday stuff for her.

Therefore, I would follow her lead. Ask how it’s all going. If she wants to talk about it, fine. However, she may want a break from it all, and would rather talk about the Greek wildfires or the cost of nappies.

During my chemo I only wanted to eat plain food - potatoes, pasta etc as my taste buds changed.

Everyone is different with how they feel but just be a listening ear

Thanks everyone. Xxxx

It's the guilt I'm struggling with, I feel I should be with her 24/7, feel like I should have all the right things to say. Of course this isn't realistic or practical, & in reality that isn't what she wants from me, but I'm lost as what to do for the best to help my sister. Cancer sucks !!!