Lumpectomy as primary carer

[theoldhasgone]

My mum has just been told she needs to have a small tumor removed from her breast under wide local excision, probably in about 4 weeks. She is the only carer for her husband who a) has Parkinsons and b) has JUST had a hip replacement about two weeks ago. He is home and recovering.

She is very reluctant to ask for support and help. During the appointment today I asked questions she definitely wouldn't have asked about what recovery from the surgery looks like, what sort of lifting must she avoid etc. She was trying to say, 'I'll just manage' and the nurse pointed out she mustn't help her husband out of a chair AT ALL because it could injure her. So she is being forced to think in more detail about what she (and he) will need to put in place during her recovery.

Does anyone have any experiences they can share about what is really needed in a situation like this? I can drive her home and stay one night (two max) but have a disability myself so I am not a long term support option.

I had this exact operation 3 years ago. It really depends on the person. I was younger and also very fit and I didn't have an issue with lifting my arm after the first few days. I was told not to do any sort of exercise except walking (so lifting weights, anything jumpy or anything that strained the chest area was out of the question for 6 weeks).

I really think your mum needs to consider assistance with care, particularly as it sounds that weighted support is required. She won't be able to lift him or support him physically for a while. You are given a ton of exercises to do to keep arm mobile and prevent lymphoedema but that really is the limit in recovery. If she is going to have radiotherapy, the same applies. I wish her a speedy recovery

I had this operation a couple of years ago. I'm assuming your mum will also be having nodes removed from the armpit? The incision under my arm from the node removal was far more painful and debilitating than the incision for the tumour. Your mum will not be able to lift or use that arm for very much for a while. The exercises are really important, I did them at the time but didn't carry them on, I now have less mobility in the shoulder, something I'm having to work on 2 years later.

Thanks both. She is having a lymph node removed as a sample. I don't think she is ready for the impact on their lives at all (despite me saying for literally years that she needs to get some more support in place) and it worries me.