I can't be the only one! :(

[Rubiconmango]

35 Years old. Been through my years of childhood and adult trauma, healing and everything else in between. Now at a stage where I am happily married (in my second marriage and blessed with a good human!), a great career job, some friends (who I can't see as much as I would like - distance), a roof over my, good food on the table, leisurely time and no kids. Please don't attack me for having it all, and start reminding me of the many people who would appreciate my life. I appreciate my life so much! Especially considering I know what it took to get here.

BUT, I feel so depleted, drained and out of energy :( I just feel tired. I feel tired of life. I feel tired of doing life all alone. Husband and I do it all together, yet alone. Run our own home (rental), jobs, laundry, cooking, cleaning, trying to be the best at work (we're both thankful to have reached a stage we're seen and valuable at work!), trying to find time to socialise... But I just sit at home in my free time and feel spaced out. I really do. I question what the point of life is.

I'm always reflecting, always trying to be a better person, and I listen to my select Pastors, to keep me motivated, believing and in faith. But I feel exhausted. Like, I don't want to have to try so hard to stay in faith. I don't always want to be the good person. I just want to be. I just want to be in my space as I am and happy for it. Now when life is as perfect as it has ever been, I just feel sad and tired, and drained. I don't even want kids, because I would find it incredibly burdening.

And it's not even depression. I know what depression feels like. I simply feel tired of doing life :( Like some days, I just want to go to my parents home, eat mums cooking and talk sht and no have to be responsible and so hard working and perfect (not saying I'm perfect - I trust you know what I mean) Does anyone else feel this way? :'(

I know what your feeling and indeed a lot of people do feel the way you feel.

It sounds like your burnt out op. So what I suggest is a trip to your parents to just chill. Give yourself permission to be kind to yourself

Well, you know what you want and you deserve it, so have it. If you had children you wouldn't have the option to do nothing all weekend, but why not decide to this weekend to just hibernate for two days?

Don't make arrangements with friends. Buy a stack of healthy ready meals and smoothies and fresh soups. Light a fire or candles. Binge watch utter rubbish on TV. Wear PJs or loungewear. Wake up when you want, eat when you want, sleep when you want. Read a trashy thriller or chicklit novel (or whatever you'd find restorative. Make a massive cup of coffee, chuck some bread or seeds out for the birds and just stare at them for an hour. Watch the sky. Go for a walk if you want. Allow yourself to do nothing at all. Suggest it to uyour DH but tell him (if it appeals to you) that this is what you need to do to recharge your batteries and he is welcom eto join you but if he doesn't want to, please will he respect your need to just have your own timetable and do nothing.

I think one of the most restorative things we can do is to stop trying at life all the time. Stop straining non stop. Stop thinking we have to achieve something by a certain time or spend weekends a certain way or have faith in a certain way. If you do nothing for a whole weekend, you might start to find a bit of peace and then you could maybe start journalling or playing with bucketlists or similar to find out what you could do more of in life to give you energy and joy. But you can't do that effectively unless you stop first.

I know how you feel OP, I've been there. Wondering what the point of all this hard work is. Feeling like we are all like ants scurrying around all week and then doing it all again the following week.
What's happening to you is your souls way of telling you that something is missing in your life.
From the sounds of it, I think it's friends time and quality time with your DH. Make a planner. A monthly visual planner for social life. Maybe plan once a month or two months to catch up with a long distance friend.
Plan a cheap city break for a weekend in Europe maybe every three months or so. You don't have kids or tie downs so go for it!!!!
Having these visual plans written down will give u something to plan for and look forward to and life won't be so mundane. You just need a bit more of a plan to your life.