Getting sterilised during C-Section

[Bananacrumpet]

I have been thinking long and hard about this and wondered what experiences or thoughts others had on my situation before I make the final decision.

I am 37 weeks pregnant with my second baby. I have a 2.5 year old. I will be having my second C section - medically necessary due to complications with the first so unavoidable. I'm 29.

I've got two weeks to go until delivery.

I only ever planned to have two children and this hasn't changed. I feel that our family is soon to be complete and I can't see that I'd ever want any more even if circumstances were to change.

I've spoken to my midwife about sterilisation during my c section and she was generally supportive as medically another high risk pregnancy and a 3rd section is not ideal. She's arranged for my consultant to call me to discuss.

I guess I'm struggling with the permanence of it. All the pros I can see are great, not having to use hormonal contraception, avoiding an unwanted / unplanned pregnancy and the difficult choices that would bring. This pregnancy has been high risk and complicated and so will birth and I'm terrified of leaving my little boy without his mum. I never want to risk this again.

The only thing holding me back is this hypothetical situation of what if I have a change of heart later and it's too late? I can't see this happening but can you ever know for sure?

I'd not be having everything removed, just tubes tied.

Other options is DH having the snip, he has ruled this out and is not interested in considering it further. He also does not want more children but he doesn't want this. I respect that it's his body & choice.

Any advice / experiences / thoughts?

It does seem a too important a question to make while you are pregnant and while still young - if you were a decade older it would seem more reasonable.
I assume you've discussed other birth control (implant etc) - is there a reason why you wouldn't go that route instead? Wanting to avoid hormones, unless there's a risk to you from them, seems not a strong enough argument.
I'd talk to a consultant in that field before you talk to your surgeon.

I had a VB with my first with some complications, and an EMCS with more significant complications with DC2. I’m the same age as you and also only wanted/want two children. My DH was happy to have a vasectomy on the safe arrival of a second child, and he did; but if I’d been in your position, with a DH who wasn’t happy to have one and knowing I was having a section anyway, I’d definitely do it. I have always found hormonal contraception really unpleasant and I wouldn’t want to use condoms as a long term solution. I know what you mean about changing your mind in the future, but for us two was the right number to stop at for so many reasons that I was confident to make that choice for my future self.

On a practical note, I asked my consultant this exact question before my CS for my second child. He said it was not a good idea as due to the amount of healing that would be taking place in my body, the sterilisation could fail, and there was no way to test if it had been successful afterwards, so potentially I could still get pregnant.

He said the best solution is vasectomy for your husband, which we did.

Well DH will not have a vasectomy so that's not an option. We've had lots of talks about it and he's not prepared to do it. It's his body and I wouldn't want anyone pressuring me into sterilisation either so I'm not prepared to force it on him if it's not something he wishes to do.

No hormonal contraception works well for me, they make me depressed and anxious (the pill) and the implant and injection gave me persistent heavy bleeding. The only thing that has historically worked well for me was the mirena coil. Whilst I could do this again it's a lot of hassle and pain / discomfort having them in and out every few years when I don't want any more children.

I had this done along with my second section and it’s been a big relief not having to worry about contraception, however I was 37 at the time.
The preference now is to remove the tubes rather than clip them, (in the event of developing ovarian cancer it will usually spread through the tubes), so it is a very permanent solution.
You sound like you’ve thought a lot about it and decided that another high risk pregnancy, where you could potentially leave 2 small children behind, is not something you want. What do you think could change your mind in the future?

If you dont end up having the sterilisation have you looked at the copper coil. I've had it fitted as I don't want anymore and the hospital are reluctant to sterilise. (They only would if I needed a C-section and I had signed all necessary paperwork incase one occured)
I also don't want to take hormonal contraception.
My coil is in for 12 years before needing to be replaced. I know everyone has a different experience with the coil but for me it has been great. I feel so much better aswel within myself. I've come to realise I was actually quite depressed being on the pill.

Hmm, at 29 honestly I wouldn't. Who knows what will happen down the line. You're still young.
If you were 39 it would be different.

I've now had a chat with the consultant and decided I'm going to go ahead with the procedure.

Although I'm only 29 I'll have had two children, two high risk pregnancy's and births. Honestly my over riding thought it that I never want to risk this again even if circumstances change.

I've thought long and hard about what if me and DH separate and I meet someone who wants children, but honestly, I can't ever imagine a situation where I risk leaving these two without a mum because someone else wants a child. I think I could accept losing out on a good relationship / love over not wanting more children.

I've considered the worst case scenario (in my mind) of what if something were to happen to one or both of my children. Although id never be able to fully comprehend how I may feel, I just don't think id want to be pregnant again or have another birth.

DH is adamant he won't have a vasectomy, we've discussed it at length and although I think his reasons aren't that valid, they are to him and it's his body so I respect that.

He is of course happy for me to not be sterilised, he's offered to use condoms or any other method I want but the truth is I just don't want to.

I don't want the emotional and physical burden of another child and I don't want any stress or risk.

I actually feel quite empowered for the first time to have made my own decision for me and to have complete control over it rather than be at the mercy of others / doctors / etc.