Feeling Horrible After Smear

[IRunbecauseILikeCake]

I went through stillbirth two years ago and it's left me quite traumatised (as would be expected) but also with a real fear of medical/hospital settings. I've never been great with them but I'm all the worse now.
My smear was due in 2020 and after putting it off and putting it off, I plucked up the courage and booked it and had it today.
I explained to the nurse that I was worried about it and told her why, and she didn't speak to me the whole time or explain the process and I'm sat here now feeling honestly a little bit violated. It sounds stupid to say but it's the way I feel. I know I have trauma that will stay with me and I've been fine with them before but this was really difficult.
Has anyone any coping tips or mechanisms for them? I know they're really important and I won't put my health at risk by not getting them, but that felt horrible today.

Sorry to hear that. Do you know exactly what you need from the nurse in order to feel better about the whole thing? I think she thought you didnt need explanation as youd had them before, so maybe that could explain the silence.

well done for going through with it.
Perhaps next time you have a smear or another procedure you could explain you've got a fear of medical environments after your stillbirth and it would help you if they'd talk you through things - explain what they were doing before and while they were doing it? (I had to get dentists to do this for my DD).

Thank you for your replies.
I think just as she was totally silent I sort of felt like I had to lie there and take it almost. I know that sounds daft but feeling control of the situation is really important. I think partly I wasn't quite prepared for how different the speculum feels going in after going through childbirth.
I actually haven't had great experiences with that nurse in the past so I think the way forward is maybe to ask for someone else to do it next time. In saying that I know healthcare staff are under so much pressure and the woman was probably tired!

I know that sounds daft but feeling control of the situation is really important

That doesn't sound remotely daft. Sounds like you were unlucky to get that nurse, I've never had one like that. Do try to get someone else in future.

Just want to pop back and say thank you so much for your replies. I am feeling much better and just from this post I think i feel much more empowered on how to communicate what I need for any future appointments so thank you ladies!

That's great, glad you're feeling better about it.