Double incontinence

[StillSuffering]

Hi, I've posted on here in the past but have changed name.

I just want somebody to talk to really. I'm struggling with this so called life that I'm living.

I had my 2nd baby 5 years ago now. 'normal' vaginal birth. Left with anal & urine incontinence.

I've been through physio & have just been signed off as there's nothing they can do. I had an op with the colorectal team which stopped a lot of the pain, & reduced my skin tag so I'm incredibly greatfull for that. But I still poo myself. When I questioned this I got told that it was never supposed to stop the pooing myself. (I thought it was)

I was discharged from colorectal as 'Its just what happens after birth'.

I've just been re-refered to them.

I saw urology for about 5 seconds where the consultant sat down, drew a woman & explained that I could have the tape to stop the urine leakage but they aren't available right now & anyway I have to sort my weight out as I'm getting fat. He yawned the entire way through.
When I told physio that he didn't examine me they paused then said... 'He would of examined you' !?

I've just been re-refered to him again & seeing his name fills me with dead.
I'm not seeing him again. I refuse.

I did the urodynamics test which by some miracle I didn't wee myself. So that was useful.

I wee myself constantly. I can't wear pads all the time as they rub & make me sore. So I'm often just 'wet' down there. I often go to the toilet for a wee, wipe & there's all poo there. I sometimes have diarrea where it suddenly comes out & goes all over myself, in my vagina & everywhere so I have to clean all that.

I've lived like this for 5 years & it's fine, it's just my life. I will never meet anybody, for obvious reasons. It's just me. I'm so lonely.

I was reading another thread about a man who now dribbles urine & 'Stinks of piss' & he has so much sympathy. I got my baby so I get no sympathy.

I'm on another forum & people say that if you don't want sex in a relationship then all you can hope for for the rest of your life is friendship.

I don't even have any friends.

I hate my life & I spend a good portion of every day wishing that I weren't alive anymore.

My kids would have a happier time if our days weren't restricted to where has a toilet, panic If a toilet is shut, having to wait in the toilet while I try & dry myself, having to rush to the toilet when I need to go, & me hobbling around at home covered in sudocrem as I'm so raw down there from the pads.

They would have a happier life with somebody else.

i don't suppose there's anything that anybody can say, this is just a pity party really.

@StillSuffering don't dismiss a colonoscopy on the basis you'll need a bit of aftercare. Do you think everyone without close friends and family nearby are just left without diagnostic tests?

There will be support that can be arranged but you need to ASK for it.

Off the top of my head - this could be anything from help arranging childcare for a few hours, keeping you in until after effects of sedation are passed and - key - discussing sedatative options with the anaesthetist. There will undoubtedly be some choice as to which they can give you with variations of depth of sedation / length of effects.

You need to be proactive in this and push past the arrogance of doctors like the one you've just seen. Shout a bit. It works - there's a reason we say to make a noise.

007Double0Seven I'm not dismissing it. The appointment was yesterday. I'm thinking out loud/on here/thinking things through.

It's very easy for people on here to say 'You need to do this, why havn't you done it yet?'

I'm doing my best. I'm glad you'd all do so much better than me in my exact situation.

Thank you for that post Beargrumps.

@007DoubleOSeven I wasn't berating you! I know you're doing best and I also know how difficult it is to do all the legwork needed when things are so hard

Thank you 007Double0Seven I've got sooo much going on, this isn't 'all' there is. I appreciate your responses

Reading back, the tone of my post wasn't how I intended it to read, so I'm sorry @StillSuffering. Keep going, you're doing great x

I am a urology nurse - never would we just expect to send someone away incontinent with no help and support - ending up doubly incontinent after child birth really isn't normal. Bless you. did urologist not suggest botox? This can be effective for urine incontinence/overactive bladder.

Hi Meemyaa Thank you. I'm sure Botox was listed with several other things but those were all dismissed for one reason or other (can't remember why) & the tapes were decided as the best option, by the urologist.

Also the recent gynie female consultant who I saw listed Botox too but she's got me trying the tablets before we do anything else.