I feel really bad making this post, but I just need to get this of my chest.
First and foremost I love my mum entirely. She's my best friend and my rock and always has and always will be. But I'm just really struggling with her mental health.
My mum has always been an anxious person. She's always introduced herself as a "worrier" and has spent her whole life worrying about pretty much everything. She's always worried about things that effect her health and money and always worried about upsetting other people. To the point where she's put other people and their feelings in front of hers even on big events and indirectly expected me and my sister to do the same.
She's always worried about her health, every illness she has is cancer or life changing, always worst case scenario. Then she went on to unfortunately have cancer 6 approx years ago and as you can imagine that made a very bad situation even worse.
She's had a weight problem since she had me and my sister. Don't get me wrong she's not extremely obses, but she has a few stone to loose. She went to slimming world and did amazingly but now refuses to go as she "wants to do it herself" yet won't make ANY change to her diet.
She has convinced herself she can't drive anymore so that's now a no.
But since lockdown I feel like things have become even worse. She's stopped going out. She won't go anywhere with me or my sister or my dad. She's upset all the time about something or other. She's really really depressed.
It's just so hard because she won't do ANYTHING about it. She won't change her diet or her thoughts about food, she won't go to the doctors about her aches and pains, she won't speak to anyone about her mental health... it's just so hard. She doesn't want to change but she wants everything else around her to change.
For context I live at home as I've just become divorced and I'm not in a position to be able to buy or rent my own place. My parents house is really big so there's plenty of room. My mum loves having me stay, this isn't an issue or a contributing factor.
She's woke up this morning and been wandering around the house and I can hear her complaining about everything. I feel like It's going to be a day of treading on egg shells.
I just feel like I've lost my mum. She used to be someone who would be up at the crack of dawn, on time for everything, do everything with us. Don't get me wrong the anxiety has always been there, there's always been low points.... but I just can't believe where we are now.
She won't let anyone help, she's never ever forgive me if I went to the doctors or spoke to anyone about her (she'd literally disown me and wouldn't co operate with anything).
I miss my mum :( I just don't know who she is anymore :(