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Women's health

I think my boyfriend has given me herpes

17 replies

FizzyWatermelon · 13/10/2021 15:21

Just that really. I think my boyfriend has given me herpes. He says he's never had an outbreak before and didn't even know he had it.

Apart from the awful physical symptoms I've got just now I am really struggling mentally with it. The fact I will have to disclose this to all future partners. Any stress and there is potential for another outbreak.

I'm only 28. I have pretty much written off any future relationships if this one fails.

Someone tell me everything will be ok?!

OP posts:
CorrBlimeyGG · 13/10/2021 15:22

Is he your first partner? If not, you could have caught it from any past partner.

Cas112 · 13/10/2021 15:28

You could have caught it off a previous partner and only just had a flare up. Herpes can go unnoticed for many years and may only have an outbreak once or when stressed etc. Go to your local GUM clinic and discuss with a nurse who will be able to put your mind at ease hopefully.

FizzyWatermelon · 13/10/2021 15:30

I saw one single tiny blister on him last week and queried it. He thought it was just an ingrown hair. Then 4 days later BAM I had a big outbreak. He's since looked and has a couple of very small scabs we didn't see before so definitely from him.

OP posts:
CorrBlimeyGG · 13/10/2021 15:34

You could have passed it to him.

Either way, it's no big deal at all.

mummatomason · 13/10/2021 15:34

I promise itl be ok. I caught it off a ex boyfriend at 18 and im now 31 and its never been a problem in new relationships. I usually wait until i know its starting to get a bit more serious and then have the conversation and tell them and explain. Never had a bad reaction and whenever i have a outbreak ive let them know and havent had sex until its cleared up.

Its annoying and a bit embarrassing but you learn to live with it. I can go years with any outbreaks.
More people have it than you realise

DirtyDancing · 13/10/2021 15:38

Firstly, it is worth going to a sexual health clinic or contacting your GP. You may be able to get anti viral medicine to help with the symptoms and manage them longer term.

Secondly do contact for help and support.

lexi873 · 13/10/2021 15:46

The thing with herpes is it can lie dormant for years but I think we all jump to the conclusion our latest partner is to blame. I guess you’ll never know if he knew he had it but if he did it’s a pretty shitty thing to do.
I’m the same as @mummatomason I’ve told partners when I could see potential with them and they’ve still wanted to continue dating me, I’ve also had a child since I’ve had herpes it’s unpleasant yes and do I wish I didn’t have it of course but it’s not the end of the world Smile

HollowTalk · 13/10/2021 16:07

My sister has herpes - she was raped. Her first attack was by far the worst - she's never had anything as bad as that since. She just had to be careful with future partners and also had to be very careful with her own health - mental and physical - as if she was very low that's when she'd get another attack of it.

Do you think he's been unfaithful?

WTF475878237NC · 13/10/2021 16:10

I would feel just like you do. Sorry this has happened and I hope it isn't the result of him being unfaithful.

But just to reassure you, I have been in a relationship with someone with it and they were honest, disclosed it at the start, knew their triggers and were really careful not to touch me at all when it was active. It didn't stop us having a great relationship.

BewareTheBeardedDragon · 13/10/2021 16:11

As pp have said - it is possible to have it and to pass it on without ever having had any symptoms (it's called asymptomatic viral shedding). It does sound like it's come from him but it's totally believable that he could have had it and had no, or very mild not noticeable symptoms so no blame should be given.

It has an awful stigma but really isnt a big deal and is very common. There are two types - HSV1 and HSV2. In the past 1 was commonly on the lips and 2 on the genitals but more recently both are found in both places so it really is like (and possibly is) a cold sore (ie. HSV1).

The only potential worry that you should be aware it is that if a newborn or under 6 months baby contracts it, then it can be fatal if not treated properly. If you get pregnant you should inform your midwife, and they may prescribe prophylactic antivirals around the birth.

There is a Herpes Society and various Facebook groups if you need more specific support.

FizzyWatermelon · 13/10/2021 16:38

Thanks everyone.

I don't think he's been unfaithful. He was camping for 2 weeks before I saw him so I think his immune system was just a bit low and it popped up.

Currently on holiday but will definitely go to the gum clinic when I get home. Tried to get a phone appointment just to talk to someone but there wasn't anyone available.

Those of you who have very few outbreaks have reassured me. I'm fairly healthy anyway so hopefully this time will be the worse and it can be kept on top of in the future.

OP posts:
mummatomason · 13/10/2021 17:39

I found my first outbreak was the worst and most painful, now theyre not so bad.
Also you can get the medication prescribed and then always have a pack ready at home so as soon as you feel a outbreak coming you can start the course and stop it immediately

FizzyWatermelon · 13/10/2021 18:14

@mummatomason that's good to know. I'll make an appointment when I get home. Did you tell family/friends?

OP posts:
Fireblanket · 13/10/2021 18:19

I had my first outbreak at 27 and I had been with my bf for 9 mos. I suspect it came from an exbf. I'm now 50 and I haven't had a flare up for 15 years. Mumatomason is right - the first outbreak is the worst.
Try not to worry about it; it IS really common but no one talks about it

BewareTheBeardedDragon · 13/10/2021 20:20

I don't think there's any need to tell anyone except your partner of the time and relevant medical professionals unless you want to. My immediate family know because I caught it from my then partner asymptotically shedding just before the birth of dc1, the first flare up happened during the birth so dc1 got it and was seriously ill. But I've never told anyone else - even at the time all I told friends etc was that he had a dangerous viral infection.

It is shit, but mainly because of the stigma rather than the thing itself imo. I rarely have flare ups now and barely notice them when I do.

mummatomason · 13/10/2021 22:09

I only told my mum, i was a bit worried about going to appointments so she come with me. Didnt feel the need to tell anyone else.
Had to tell midwife when pregnant.

Like pp said its more the stigma than the actual thing. You feel like your going to be judged

Thisisworsethananticpated · 15/10/2021 07:00

I also have it
I popped up late in my former relationship
So either i had it for years or my partner cheated
I’ll never know !
It’s a bit of a pain as I’m considering getting sexually active again and I’m scared to disclose

But soooooo many people have it
So many people don’t pass it on either

I think it’s 1/10 for genital and 1/5 for oral

Self care is critical , and mine are always caused by bloody friction
From cycling 🚴‍♀️ unfortunately

Try to not panic and feel dirty as it’s very coming and very stigmatised

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