Genital herpes - DD just diagnosed

[HildegardeCrowe]

Sorry if I’m posting in the wrong place. DD aged 21 has just been told she has genital herpes (went to a GUM clinic) and is waiting to find out if it’s HSV1 or HSV2. Her symptoms are pretty mild but she’s devastated. She gets thrush a lot and has urinary problems too and describes her “down there” as a shambles! I’ve had oral cold sores all my life and wouldn’t be surprised if I had symptoms of genital herpes when I was younger but just put it down to something else as it wasn’t even talked about then.

I know the stigma around this condition is really unfounded but would be interested to hear of anyone’s experience of herpes and how/whether it’s impacted their lives.

No impact. Seriously. I hope she feels better about it soon.

Friends of mine who have had it said that the first attack was by far the worst, so if hers is mild that sounds very good.

I would say for about 6 months I maybe had quite a few outbreaks - maybe every 6 weeks. And then barely any. I had a couple of very mild outbreaks about a decade later, when I was pregnant.
Honestly it's had no impact on my life at all. If she struggles with outbreaks you can take aciclovir regularly I think but I've never needed to do so. Hope she is feeling better soon.

I noted it to the midwife for my pregnancies. It would have only mattered if I had a flare up in the last few weeks of pregnancy. Never did. I had my first flare up in my early 20s. And another milder one maybe 6mts later. Then another even milder one a year after that. Then 15ys with no flare ups.

I was diagnosed after a rape about 3 years ago, suspect I’ve always had it to be honest as I also got thrush a lot etc. The impact physically is nothing.

The impact mentally due to unfounded stigma is terrible so look after her. You seem to be under this pressure to “disclose” but it’s unfounded when nobody even considers oral Herpes and it’s the exact same thing in a different place.

I’m in a slightly better place now, speak to the HVA they are very helpful.

I hope your DD is ok.

Thank you. She’s a very sensitive young woman
and we’re very close and she tells me absolutely everything. It’s good to hear that she shouldn’t worry about it....So sorry to hear about what happened to you @NannyOggsward and glad that things are better now.

I actually caught mine from a coldsore. Never had a coldsore on my mouth only on the other lips! I find the physical impact pretty awful if I'm not on acyclovir. Have also had through pregnancy and they stick you on surpressive therapy so you don't have an outbreak during the birth.

The outbreaks can be very painful and make you feel unwell. Not everybody suffers that much.

Lysine is a supplement which supposedly helps, hàve not tried it but would if I stopped the acyclovir.

Your daughter may not get many outbreaks but if she is not on surpressive therapy it is a good idea to keep a course of meds in supply because it's much more effective if you start as soon as symptoms appear.

If her symptoms are mild now then they are likely to always be mild, she may never (or very rarely) get a reoccurrence.

Most cases of genital herpes are undiagnosed and it isn’t screened for routinely (so people who go for a ‘full check-up’ aren’t usually tested for genital herpes). Since most cases are mild people just don’t realise they have it. The It’s usually only a worry in pregnancy if a woman has caught it for the first time during her pregnancy.

Agree about the stigma. We can talk more openly about getting an abnormal smear result despite HPV also being a common, sexually transmitted virus caused by skin-to-skin contact like genital herpes with much less judgement.

Hope your DD is feeling better soon

Had my first one about 10 years ago and was unnecessarily devastated. I have about 3 attacks a year and can go months without one. They have very little impact on my life but I never feel unwell with them and they vary in size and severity. I have practical ways to deal with them that lessen the sore stage and seem to speed up the healing process. Please assure your daughter that it's nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed by x

I think I’ll show her this thread. It really is odd that when genital herpes is mentioned, it generates such near-hysteria. It’s a cold sore in another place, isn’t it? Must say my oral cold sores can be pretty painful and look quite grim, I do hope she hasn’t got it from me by sharing towels or something. Is that possible? I know it can lie dormant for a very long time.

The two types are technically different but in practicality not. The stigma and hysteria is completely down to the media. US pharmaceuticals develop anti virals, realised there was money to be made and actually marketed the fear deliberately, hence the frequent inclusion now in “Herpes” jokes. Very few people even realise oral coldsores are Herpes!

Around 90% of people carry a Herpes virus, chicken pox that comes back as shingles is Herpes, Epstein Barr also Herpes, both with far more consequences than what for most will be a mild skin condition.

The largest % of new genital cases are now caused by the oral version so it is literally the same, the stigma for one and not the other needs to go!

My daughter and friends/family get them on the lips which is very visible, I think the one plus point is no one can see mine (if I ever get one which is never).

And no, I think it very unlikely you could have passed it on, the virus doesn’t live long off the skin.

No impact. I've had maybe one recurrence since. It is always nice to have a pack of Aciclovir just in case so I can treat immediately but as it has happened so rarely this is impractical and wasteful (they would go out of date).

Just to say DD has had her test results back and has HSV1. Keep trying to reassure her that this isn’t going to affect her life but the stigma surrounding this condition has terrified her and she’s devastated. She’s worried so much about future partners but her current boyfriend seems very understanding. Also the doctor at the GUM clinic told her she didn’t need to tell anyone!

Don't loads of people have it and not even realise?

Yes absolutely @MitheringMytryl. DD almost wishes she’d ignored it because it was quite minor and has almost gone away now. Wouldn’t be at all surprised if I’d had it but tended to ignore anything minor down there when I was young!

I've had it for 10ish years it's never affected my life in any way and I almost never get a flare now.

I was diagnosed 17 years ago, as I had a really terrible outbreak.

Never had one since!

I caught it off DH in the early days of our relationship, he’d likely had it dormant for years. I wish someone had warned me what cold sores are! Honestly, it was a week of hell, pissing glass, unable to sleep due to pain, home made ice packs giving limited relief. But it has since then never reoccurred and had no impact.

I have HSV1. Having had cold sores all my life I then had 2 outbreaks of genital herpes in my 20s. The first was awful, the second shortly afterwards wasn’t too bad and then I’ve never had another outbreak since (mid 30s now).

This is all so good to hear, will show DD thread when I see her next. Thanks for sharing your experiences, it really helps 🙏

Just found this thread, which has been of comfort. DD aged 16 with first sexual partner has just been told by doctor that she has suspected herpes. She is completely distraught.

@HildegardeCrowe how is your daughter doing? Any tips on what I can say or do to make her feel better?