Smear tests

[Tiktokersmiracle]

Yes they are important
Yes everyone who wants one should have one
Yes I am pleased the NHS is still offering them.

Thought I'd start with a disclaimer there.

Anyway, I've not had a smear since 26. I'm 39.
The reason being I have PCOS and Endo.
As a result my cycle is everywhere. I have months with no period at all. I have cycles with a period after 38 days. I have cycles which are 25. They are never on a set pattern.

So to get to the point of my thread. I've been sent the usual "come on in for a smear test" letter off the NHS. This one had a big letter bitching me for not going and how in danger I am as a result of my negligence/fear/ignorance.

Well quite.
But I'm not at fault here.
I've tried, every year, to book one. And every year, I'm denied the opportunity. Because our local health authority demands you book it for mid-cycle and two months in advance.
I've explained time and again that that is effectively like asking how long is a piece of string? I've asked to book it when I have more clue when my mid-cycle is, as it's physically impossible for me to know otherwise. But I get told no but the desk dragons at the surgery. I get told no by the NHS clinic lady on the number on the letter. Two years back I was told to book it for the two months based on my current cycle pattern, I said again there is no such pattern so was asked when was my last period, gave that, and she worked it out in the manner that I am too thick to know how. It was duly booked. I turned up. Nurse than bollocked me for wasting her time as she couldn't do the smear as I wasn't in the right place in my cycle. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.

This letter just bollocks me for something I've not caused. It comes across as hugely patronising, basically assuming I'm at fault and I'm some wimp who refuses to take part. That I'm ignorant of risks. But I'm not. It's them blocking it!
What can I do? Is there a precedent or rule I can quote at them when they refuse to be understanding of something I cannot control?
Any ideas? Because frankly, I'm pretty bloody worried that I could be at risk of something awful and have no idea down to having a situation I don't want and can't control. I want a hysterectomy for starters anyway but have been refused.
Thanks

I think you need to see your GP or the Practice Manager and ask them why your are being denied vital screening. Or PALS.

*you're

Yeah Pals are rubbish round here sadly. And our practice manager promises lots and delivers nowt.
I want to change surgeries but for obvious reasons only those without a surgery can change. And the whole 2 month mid-cycle thing is a health trust thing so not just my surgery.

Is there any way you could just book the test and then cancel on the day if need be? And ask for them to rearrange?

It's not black and white anyway this midcycle thing. As long as you are not actually bleeding it's okay. Mid-cycle is ideal but not absolutely necessary.

Never heard of having to specifically be mid cycle with a smear ( and I've had lots over the years), what an odd post subject. I also have PCOS, though went regular after having my DS. Obviously, you don't want to be having a period at the time, but apart from that anytime will do really. I think you are being too honest here, they only know you are not mid cycle because you are telling them that, so blag it, just say you are and get it done - they can't tell by looking up your vag where you are in your cycle, it doesn't work like that.