12 months PP, still not feeling right

[MissyF]

Ladies

I wonder if anyone has experienced anything like this? I ask because I've seen a women's health physio a few times and said there's nothing wrong, ie prolapse etc.

I was induced over 3 days, had forceps and an episiotomy where the stitches opened and healed very well by secondary in intention. I've worked very hard on regaining strength in my pelvic floor, continuing to do stop, and the physio said I've got good strength again.

I have vaginal mucosa (look like extra curvy shaped flappy bits) showing when you look at my vulva, which both the physio and a gynaecologist have said is normal. Also the opening is larger than she said it would have been before (as you'd expect). When I walk, I feel something which is more towards the front, where the mucosa are. But they aren't protruding out of the labia and the physio doesn't think they'd be causing a problem. But I can't work out what it is
I'm feeling and its not going away.

I will go back to the physio but not yet as I only saw her a couple of weeks ago and I'm on unpaid leave before returning to work, so money is tight.

Last night I tried vaginal moisturizer but I'm not sure that's helping. Or does it take a few doses? The physio said there's no irritation or redness and we've not tried sex and dryness wasn't really something I thought I was feeling but I gave it a go.

I also feel a slight heaviness sometimes, possibly when I might need to poo. But I've been told a few times that there's no prolapse.

Any ideas ladies? Because I just can't seem to get past this. I'm not saying its the worst thing ever but its frustrating me x

What is it about the changes in your anatomy that worries you? For example are you worried about appearance or discomfort or are you concerned that things will get 'worse' ?

It certainly does freak me out how it looks down there now. I was previously pretty familiar with it before hand and had no issues with touching or inserting anything. Now I really have to work myself up to anything like that. Anxiety is a big part here.

I am afraid of prolapse and I was even convinced I had one for months, even when the gynae and physio said I didn't. But with the work I've been doing I know anything is unlikely to get worse.

Maybe when I go back to work I wont have time to keep thinking about it and it'll go away?!

When I say its unlikely to get worse, I mean I'm unlikely to develop one now

You do sound a bit anxious and I feel for you.
Firstly , pregnancy changes your body. It isn't a negative thing it is just a fact that the weight, size and pressure of a baby in the uterus will have an impact on your back, your joints and your pelvic floor.
Hormones change your breasts and soften your ligaments and the mechanics of delivery have an impact on your perineum ( or abdomen in Caesarian). I look at the recovery after birth as one of the miracles of womanhood, most of us are able quite quickly to go about the business of caring for and providing nutrition for our children and before long going to work, enjoying our social lives , resuming an intimate life with our partners and in some cases feeling ready to have another baby. It's true that things are not exactly the same but that is to be expected. You sound as if you have lost confidence in yourself and that you are focussing in your appearance and the possibility of prolapse as a result. As far as your specific worry about a prolapse is concerned you have seen the expert ie the women's health physio who sees multiple women's vulvas and vaginas on a daily basis and has found nothing unusual in your case. I think you need to accept that. The possibility of prolapse in the future is there for all of us who have been pregnant but it doesn't usually become a problem until years later. Even then it isn't something to worry about as such, it isn't dangerous , it is a nuisance that sometimes leads to surgery in older women. You can reduce your chance of it interfering with your life by rigorously practising your pelvic floor exercises.
Have you seen art works such as the Great Wall of Vaginas? It shows the variety of normal and might interest you.
Would some counselling help you with self esteem do you think?

Funnily enough, the physio suggested counseling too. I'm scared of my own vagina and I know that's not right. But I've had loads of problems with it this year. My anxiety with all this seems to come and go, according to how occupied I am. And this second lockdown during autumn just isn't helping at all. I suspect the frequent need to urinate is anxiety as I can sleep through the night without having to go. But if I get up for baby, I feel the need.

But anyway I'm sure I'm feeling something in / on the vulva when I walk. More so with longer distances as opposed to just in and around the house. I feel the need to part my legs to readjust. The feeling when walking doesn't get worse the more I walk, like chafing might. But it just doesn't go away.

Thank you for your kind replies. I just looked at the Great Wall of Vaginas website and it makes me feel a bit better. Its not about being aesthetically pleasing so much. But how it feels to the touch and when doing day to day things x

I'm a great believer in 'see how it goes'. Maybe I'm lucky but I tend to think that things will sort themselves out OR need to be sorted. Either way a solution will present itself. Can you channel that?

Hi @MissyF, I feel similar to what you describe (forceps birth and 3rd degree tear 15 months ago). Whilst I have been diagnosed with a mild bladder prolapse there is also something else I can feel isn’t right down there, worse when I walk alot, almost like there is something rubbing, but there isn’t. I wonder if there is still bruising internally or maybe some sort of nerve damage, I have read it can take 2 years to fully heal.
With regards to being checked for prolapse, did they check you standing up? Is the physio a NHS one and what advice have they given you, was it just pelvic floor excercises or additional core strengthening? The NHS physio I saw was rubbish and just checked my pelvic floor strength at each appt, I’m going to book in with one privately in the new year.

Sorry to hear what you're going through. I've been seeing a private one and I like her. She's examined me twice internally both laying down and standing and says there's nothing protruding. She did say though that my internal episiotomy scar might be causing a lot of what I feel. And I agree that's possible. When she rubbed her finger along it in internally it made me feel like I needed to poo. But that's still not what I'm feeling externally. She also said that it may be that the ligaments are all tight inside which may be having an impact at the front outside on the vulva. I've been given pelvic pain exercises to stretch those ligaments and they'll also massage that internal scar. I'm doing them and keeping an open mind but.. well let's see.

I do trust her and she's well worth the money. So I'd recommend you see a private one like you plan to. But I do think I can understand why I've been told there's no obvious reason why I feel this.

Kind of separately, I did read somewhere the other day that even gassiness can cause some pressure down there. I think that also might be the case for me occasionally.

Oh and also, yes she gave me exercises for my core when I first saw her at 6 weeks PP. Then she gave me more progressive ones a couple of months later. She uses the Mummy MOT framework of exercises. Have you looked into those at all? When I saw her a couple of weeks ago she said my pelvic floor was so much stronger but my lower tummy muscles are still weak. So I need to do harder exercises, but still post natal type ones / pilates.

Hope that all helps?

Thank you, that all really helps and makes a lot of sense about your scar causing the issues. The private physio I’ve found does the mummy MOT so thats good to know that you’ve had success with that. It sounds like you’ve had a lot more help with your physio privately than my NHS one didn’t really help me at all, she didn’t even examine me properly and ended up referring me back to my GP. Hopefully as time goes on things will continue to improve for you. x

Hi there, I gave birth a month ago with episiotomy and 4h pushing, I think I definitely have prolapse, rectocele and possibly cistocele. They don't cause much trouble but I can feel the bulge on the wall and going for a poo is so much harder now. From the outside the scar and rider entrance. I am really upset with this and can definitely understand how you feel. You just want your normal self back. Do you do pelvic floor exercise with a Kegel feedback machine? I hope it gets better. I try to be grateful I don't have incontinence although I weed myself once, I think it was due to hormone change. Anyway trying to be grateful that it's not much worse.

@AnxiousFTM

Thank you, that all really helps and makes a lot of sense about your scar causing the issues. The private physio I’ve found does the mummy MOT so thats good to know that you’ve had success with that. It sounds like you’ve had a lot more help with your physio privately than my NHS one didn’t really help me at all, she didn’t even examine me properly and ended up referring me back to my GP. Hopefully as time goes on things will continue to improve for you. x

And for you too. Good luck xxx

@Villetta

Hi there, I gave birth a month ago with episiotomy and 4h pushing, I think I definitely have prolapse, rectocele and possibly cistocele. They don't cause much trouble but I can feel the bulge on the wall and going for a poo is so much harder now. From the outside the scar and rider entrance. I am really upset with this and can definitely understand how you feel. You just want your normal self back. Do you do pelvic floor exercise with a Kegel feedback machine? I hope it gets better. I try to be grateful I don't have incontinence although I weed myself once, I think it was due to hormone change. Anyway trying to be grateful that it's not much worse.

Villetta, you are so so early on in your post partum journey. What you are feeling now, from what I believe, and from my own experience, is not necessarily how you will feel in a few months time. At about 6 weeks PP the women's health physio said I had a very small rectocele. Now at 11 months, I don't! I did all the exercises I was given, pelvic floor exercises, and still do. There surely is hope for you. But I entirely understand why you are feeling the way you are right now. I was so miserable a few weeks after giving birth to the point that I couldn't cope with my baby. I was disgnosed with PND and it was a horrible time. But things have improved so much. I know I was horribly anxious when I started this topic the other day but I can be up and down sometimes, mentally.

I saw the GP this morning and she was yet another professional who said everything looks entirely normal for 11 months PP and couldn't see any reason for my discomfort But she actually accepted that I don't feel right and is going to call me on Tuesday after having a think about what can be done

@Villetta agree with MissyF that it is still very, very early days for you and you may feel differently once all the bruising and swelling has had time to heal. Saying that though, make sure you mention your concerns if you get a 6/8 week check and ask for a referral to a womens health physio.

@MissyF i am also up and down with my issues but I hate that I am constantly aware of how I feel down there. It’s good you are seeking another opinion, I am too embarrassed at the moment though I don’t know why as they obviously see it all everyday (before having my daughter I wasn’t prudish at all as had various issues where it felt like I had to show everything to everyone)
Please let us know what your GP suggests x

Op I had a bad 2nd degree tear after my first. I felt like much of what you are describing although I could never really put my finger on what was wrong. I tore again (2nd but not as bad) with my second. I think they stitched me up wrongly first time round as I felt so much better after my second birth. I now have 5 children and don't believe I have any prolapse (but it's all a bit looser and I'm sure I can smell wee sometimes even though I'm not visibly leaking).