Hi all,
I've got pretty severe health anxiety which I've created another post about. When I had my first smear test (age 24 - they sent my letter a few months before I turned 25 so I got booked in), they found CIN III cells which were removed. The follow up smear was clear, and I had another smear last year when I was 28, which again came back clear. The first smear was so traumatic, I fainted when they did the colposcopy and therefore had to have the CIN3 cells removed under anaesthetic. The healing period was horrible. The same year my mirena coil got stuck inside me, which they tried to remove various times until I ended up having that removed under anaesthetic, and they also took a womb biopsy which came back as fine.
Since then, I've been quite uncomfortable about sex, I don't use tampons and I feel a bit of emotional trauma surrounding that whole area of my body. I just don't really want anything near that area.
I also feel a lot of guilt, as I became sexually active at a young age, and my only concern was not getting pregnant so I was on the pill, but often didn't use condoms. I used sex as a coping mechanism and a confidence boost, it definitely wasn't healthy and I feel ashamed of that.
I've got a full health check booked next week due to starting with private health care, and this check involves a smear test. I am beginning to feel so worried and upset about this, worried of what the results will be, and just generally anxious about the memories it brings back from before.
I don't really know what I want from posting this - maybe a hand hold? :(