Still feeling broken 24 weeks pp

[AnxiousFTM]

Its been 24 weeks now since I had my beautiful DD but I still feel so rubbish! I think friends are starting to think I’m a bit of a drama queen keep moaning on but its really getting me down. I had a long 72hr labour, epidural, forceps and 3rd degree tear. I’m currently seeing a womens health physio for a mild bladder prolapse, luckily no incontinence, although I also suspect a bowel prolapse too as when I feel inside I can feel a bit of a loose bulge on the back wall and I have only ever been checked over when lying down.

As if that isn’t bad enough, I’m so uncomfortable, everything feels like its out of alignment. When I get up from lying or sitting down, I’m so stiff all over I can hardly stand and it takes an effort to straighten up rather than walk around hinched over. When I sit I’m aware that I can really feel the bones in my bottom and when walking I can feel the tops of my legs pressing against my bum/crotch area as if everything is swollen down there (its not). When I lie down on my back it feels as if my pelvis/lower back area sinks down lower than the rest of my body. The other day I pushed a rug back into position with my foot and the pain in my groin area was awful. If I walk too much I can feel the prolapse and my whole pubic area aches. I haven’t dared to have sex yet as I’m too scared it’ll hurt or DH will feel the prolapse.

I’ve told my physio this but she has just told me to do my pelvic floor exercises but surely all these aches and pains aren’t linked to that alone? Tbh despite doing the exercises I haven’t noticed any improvement. I feel so down about this its really getting in the way of looking after my baby. After 4 years of ttc and numerous IVF cycles, I just want to enjoy my daughter and feel normal for once.

Sorry OP that sounds totally crap. I have no experience but bumping for you.

Hi OP,

You need to see a different women's physio, the fact that she hasn't even examined you standing up is a big red flag. I had very similar birth to you, except was cut rather than tore and it was six months before I felt I was even approaching normal. A year on and lots better. The first physio I saw was NHS and I think it's the luck of the drawer. Mine was quite negative about everything but also said it's standard for around 50% of women to have a degree of prolapse in the first year after birth. I had four appointments and she only examined me once and the rest was talking which I found a bit odd! Got a private physio who did the Mummy MOT and much, much better help offered. She worked in muscular skeletal prior to moving into women's health and that knowledge has also helped a lot. If you think about the muscles being damaged or torn, that will have an impact on the whole region as it tries to compensate, not just the PF muscles. There's loads of additional exercises she could be giving you.

Happy to chat more about it if you want, I spent my first six months with DD worrying about all this so much I'm happy to share. We had recurrent miscarriage before she came along so totally understand how you feel after going through difficulty you just want to enjoy things

Hi Badgergirl, thanks for your response, sorry I have taken so long to reply. Its good to hear you’re feeling better now.
I have contacted a physio locally who does the Mummy Mot so as soon as we are out of lockdown I’m planning to book an appointment with her. Can I ask what sort of prolapse you had? Do you feel totally better now?
I can mainly feel mine when I’m walking or bending down, but when I bend down I’m not even sure if its the prolapse or my scar I can feel pulling, maybe its even the prolapse pressing against the scar. I think I’m also going to book an appointment with a private gynae too, the NHS gynae I saw just told me I can’t expect things not to have changed and its just about getting used to a new normal.
I’m so fed up with feeling disgusting and I can’t get over the trauma of the birth as this discomfort is a constant reminder x

Hi Hun I had a really long labour aswel as my little boy was back to back...the midwifes we're rubbish in the midwife led department and I had to ask for gas & air which there reply back was it probably won't help...I also didn't get offered and other pain relief...in the end I had to have forceps and an episiotomy...I didn't feel right down there for a long time and had several infections which required antibiotics each time...our little boy will be 2 in July and my bottom still isn't the same...I would defo speak to ur gp and see another physio when ur able to...hope ur ok xxx

Heya lovely, I can’t help with your problem but I too am 24 weeks pp and still recovering majorly.
I have a totally numb bladder which may never have feeling back so it’s on my mind 24 hours a day if I need to wee or not, my periods are horrendous (soaking through night pads every hour and a half for the first 2 days), tingles up and down my shoulder blades (possibly baby being heavy when I pick her up or linked to epidural and will need to get it checked)... my list goes on.
I ache “down below” when I walk too much so I think I may have a small prolapse too.
I’m just telling you this as I feel the same: my friends have popped out babies and within 6 weeks are totally normal and I feel rubbish (and guilty!) that I’m still struggling.
I hope this gives you a little bit of comfort in that you’re not alone and I’m more than happy to keep in touch with you if you’d like to moan! Haha.

@jesslambo88 thanks for your reply, did you have any help or did you just start feeling better naturally given time?

@welshgirl20 thanks for your reply though sorry to hear you’re also still not feeling right. That must be horrible with your bladder, do you suffer any incontinence with it too? Hope you don’t mind me asking. Have you been getting any physio or other help with things?
This lockdown really doesnt help, I’m spending so much time just dwelling on the state of things down there and knowing that eveything is on hold in terms of seeking help, although I’m not really sure how seeing a gynae privately will help much i suppose it would be good atleast to have a proper diagnosis though it wouldn’t help with the uncomfortable feeling.

Hey!
No incontinence at all, just don’t know when it’s full! Its awful sitting around & dwelling on things. People keep telling me to be grateful and things could be so much worse and it’s SO TRUE but it doesn’t make the situation that you’re living at that moment any easier.
I’ve been going to physio since the beginnng and all I can do is pelvic floors. I actually phoned up Spire hospital day before yesterday and asked to see a consultant. I’m speaking to him virtually tomorrow afternoon. It’s going to cost £160 but I can afford it for my piece of mind. I understand they can’t see me and examine me but I will feel better just getting the wheels in motion.
How have you been over the last few days? Still in pain? I find any uphill quite painful and “pulling”.
How old are you? Whereabouts are you from?
Hope you’re staying safe x

Have you found the pelvic floors helped? I’ve been doing them but don’t seem to be able to hold them for that long, its been a very process for me.
Thats good that you’re seen a consultant, is it a gynae or bladder specialist? Please let me know how you get on, I hope they can help you.
I’ve been researching specialists too, I was looking for someone who specialises in post natal care but couldn’t really find anyone locally, I suppose any gynae should be able to help?! I’m ok, its not really painful more uncomfortable but when I lean over I’m aware of a pulling/rubbing sensation.
I’m 35 in the South East, how about you? x

31 from Wales!
No I haven’t found them to be helpful if I’m honest, but I can’t see how working the muscle can bring nerve damage back to life (in my case).
Thank you, I will keep you updated :)
even if they tell me it could take 18months I’d be happy, it’s the fear of the unknown and IF things get better you know?
I’ve heard that some physios specialise if Mommy MOTs but I know around where I live in a small town there wouldn’t be anyone like that. Any physio specialising in gynae would help you 100% as that’s what I’ve been with on the nhs but I’m talking to a urologist tomorrow that knows about the bladder. He may refer back to gynae though, who knows!
I find it more worrying when I’m Googling my problems and not many results seem to come up! Most people who have had a numb bladder have had it returned within weeks so it makes me more anxious as time goes on, do you feel the same?
Lockdown and all this uncertainty defiantly doesn’t help with health anxiety x

Ps. So sorry about all the spelling mistakes, my auto correct hates me haha

Sorry, I should’ve known where you’re from with your username! I feel exactly the same as you, I could put up with the problem for now if I knew that at some point I would definitely be back to normal but I don’t want to be stuck this way forever, I’m also scared for the future and keep thinking that if I was going to get better I would have done by now. I have been seeing a NHS womens health physio but all we do is pelvic floors and I’m not really getting anywhere. Luckily I’ve found a lady who does the mummy MOT about 45 mins drive away so will hopefully be able to book in with her when I can. Have they said how your bladder got damaged, didnthey have to use forceps?
I think because it took us so long to conceive (7 rounds of IVF) and now this I can’t help but think of my body as defective. Goodluck for tomorrow x

Thank you,
Well I’m 5ft and was told all along that she was measuring big inside me and they wouldn’t be leaving me go over 40 weeks and at the last appointment I JUST got onto the normal size graph (I don’t know any of the technical terms) so I was back to 40+2 weeks and normal birth.
Got to week 41 and nothing so they induced me twice and still nothing all the while she was getting lower and bigger and then 15 hours of labour I could only go to 4 cm and they had to go a section. I noticed I wasn’t needing to pee a few days after her birth and got transferred to a gynae.... he read through the referral letter and told me that my catheter had been blocked and no one had noticed. I had the epidural at 7am and she was born at midnight so I don’t know if she gave me nerve damage from being so large or whether my bladder was full and nothing was coming out to the catheter and no one noticed.... they saw around 6am the following morning!
Really upsetting!
I really hope you get better when all this is over x

I think it’s fair to say she may well be our one and only if I don’t get the feeling back!
It’s wonderful news for you to finally have a little one after all the heartache that you’ve been through! How is she?x

That sounds awful, I can’t believe they didn’t notice. How much did your daughter weigh?
Our daughter is amazing, a real little miracle, I just wish I felt 100% so I could fully enjoy her as I really never thought I’d get to be a mum. When I was in labour the midwife kept telling me that I wasn’t doing it properly and why wasn’t I trying. Apparently she was trying to make me angry to push harder and playing good cop/bad cop but after over 3 days of labour already by that point all it did was upset me. She was even counting down how long I had left to push, as if I wasn’t doing all I could to get the baby out so now I often feel guilty that if I had tried harder I wouldn’t have been left with these injuries.
I know what you mean about another baby, as my daughter took so long I thought we would ttc near enough straight away so as not to waste any chances, but theres no way I feel up to that at the mo, we also have a couple of embryos frozen that hopefully I can give a chance one day.
How did your appointment go today? xx

That’s ridiculous, why wouldn’t you be trying 100%?! 3 days of labour... wow it must have been awful, can’t imagine how shattered you must have been!
My appointment went as expected... lovely man, he told me that he can’t give me any answers even if he could see me in person as nerve damage is still such a mystery. He said not to lose hope at 6 months. It could come back, it may never come back: all they can is check that I’m emptying myself fully. He said there’s no cure for nerve damage so if it doesn’t come back I would just have to live with it and pee on a schedule.
I’m miserable about it but I have to look on the positive side and think how lucky I actually am to have a healthy, happy baby. He said If it comes to this time next year and no improvements I kinda have my answer to the future x

Sorry that you weren’t given anything more positive but its good that he said its still early days and not too late for things to improve, really hoping for you it does get better.
I know what you mean about feeling miserable, it is important to focus on the positives, things could be alot worse although it doesn't sometimes stop me thinking that they could also be alot better, some people seem to get off so lightly!
I don’t know if you feel the same but some days I feel ok-ish about it all and the next it’ll take over my whole day.

OP your description of the constant pain and stiffness is me to a T.

I was recommended this when I posted a few weeks ago

training-postpartum-women.teachable.com/courses/complete-postpartum-programme/lectures/11551534

Have watched a few of the videos but not sure I can commit to daily exercise.

I did get seen by an NHS physio but she gave me leg exercises which is weird because I went due to constant back pain with a 8 week old baby and a 3yo in tow I was being examined for over an hour and just wanted to get out before either kicked off so didn't question it at the time. Should have done but was so sleep deprived and stressed it just didn't occur to me til after.

The only sensible thing she said is it's to do with posture. The tummy being stretched during pregnancy and the back overcompensatig. Hence feeling unable to stand up straight.

I might have to go back and watch more of those videos. I had shoulder spamming yesterday which was worrying

Spasms!

I’ve sent you a PM, let me know if you don’t receive it :)

@PippaPegg thankyou, I’ll have a look at the link. I hope you’re feeling a little better now.

@welshgirl20 i’ve sent you a reply

Anxious, it really isn't that unusual for women to feel as you do for quite a while after giving birth. I've heard people describe it as though they've been thrown down the stairs. It does go eventually but hard to live through.

I agree with those who suggest you see another women's physio - I don't know when that can be arranged given the current circumstances but try to put the wheels in motion. She will be able to help you and, hopefully, reassure you.

In your place I wouldn't talk about it to friends, there's no point. The only people who will understand are those who feel the same as you.

What you're going through is tough and you definitely have my sympathy. However, when you feel better you will enjoy your lovely daughter more. Congratulations on her.