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Women's health

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Original poster

Post baby vagina

19 replies

Mumlife27 · 30/10/2019 20:13

I had my first baby 18 months ago and have been very loose ever since.

Before children I was tight around 1 finger now I’m loose around 4. I thought it would get better in time and it never did.

Sex is awful, I can’t feel much. I cry every day now that my sex life is over at 26.

Doctor said there is nothing wrong with me and do my kegels but they really don’t make a difference.

I looked online for surgery but couldn’t find anything. I really don’t know what to do anymore. I regret ever having a child and wonder why so many woman lie and say that vaginas ‘snap back’. My doctor said that nobody is ever the same after giving birth. If I knew this then I would have never had a child.

OP posts:

Livingmagicallyagain · 30/10/2019 20:20

I just commented on your other thread. There’s so much you can do, sounds like you’ve been fobbed off. Hope you get proper care soon.

virginpinkmartini · 30/10/2019 20:23

'If I knew this I never would have had a child.'

I don't want to minimise your feelings or anything... But if you're not being hyperbolic here, then your biggest issue isn't your slack vagina.

HappyHarlot · 30/10/2019 20:25

Ask your gp for a referral to a womens phsyio. They can assess and help you.

JessicaRarebit · 30/10/2019 20:28

I think you need to do back to your doctor OP because this doesn’t sound quite right, certainly not after just 1 baby.

Did you tear during birth? I had an episiotomy and stitches which quickened things going back to how they were I think. I’ve pretty much done my Kegels since I was a teen so I’ve got a strong pelvic floor but I religiously did them during and post pregnancy. Pre-pregnancy I also used Ben-wa-balls, not to necessarily tighten but to strengthen my muscles - the control you can have during sex is quite something. I wear them now and am able to keep them in with as much control as before so I’m guessing the looseness isn’t typical.

I know women who have had multiple large babies and they have really struggled with looseness (both parties not being able to feel anything during sex) and there are options, surgery is obviously the extreme but there are implements out there I think if you’re really struggling, Kegel 2000 and the like (but I do think they are a bit gimmicky and don’t really work from what I’ve heard).

Jaynetheplane · 30/10/2019 20:34

No one is lying op, I’ve had 7 and I’m not particularly loose! Looser than before obviously but definitely no different to after I’d had the first one, pelvic floor exercises do work if you do them correctly and regularly.

There are options for surgery out there including laser, I’ve seen celebs mention it before ( Katie P and Daniela Westbrook )

Original poster

Mumlife27 · 30/10/2019 20:39

I had 2nd degree tear. My doctors said if anyone says they went back then they are lying to me, I should know I see 3-4 vaginas a day. She also said there is no point referring me to a physio as there is nothing wrong with me. I have also had permanent back ache when I mentioned this she just said what do you want me to do about it.

OP posts:

HappyHarlot · 30/10/2019 20:43

See a different Dr?

leomama81 · 30/10/2019 20:47

Yes your doctor sounds terrible OP, I would seek a second opinion

Spam88 · 30/10/2019 20:54

Your dr sounds awful OP :( go see someone else and don't let them fob you off. It is absolutely not normal - we're not all lying to you!

Judgybitch · 30/10/2019 21:02

i 'snapped back' tighter then before strangely which while more unusual can happen (based on what i have read here) my usual vibrator was painfully tight for 6 months or so. I had a very slow delivery though (took about 5-10 minutes for head to slowly slowly come out as he got stuck) which was obviously horrifically painful and i was awfully swollen for days afterwards and i felt bruised for months, thought i would never enjoy sex again. i can only imagine it was as a result of the delivery method, no damage other then the bruising.

I'm pregnant again now and that seems to be loosening things up again. Sorry not very good advice for you but just wanted to contradict what the doctor said, my husbands agrees.

Mummyshark2018 · 30/10/2019 21:09

I had a 3rd degree tear and stitches and am tighter now than before. I can also climax way more quickly than before (literally minutes!) with just penetration. I was incontinent also for about a week and did see a physio but I can't remember specifically what they suggested. I think just simple exercises.

Only you know how different it feels and if it's to the point that you can't feel anything during sex then that's a problem. I would ask to see a different doctor, preferably one with more training in women's health.

duckling84 · 30/10/2019 21:17

After my first mine was tighter then previously, in fact to begin with I thought it had sealed over completely as 1 finger was agony.
I've got 4dc and my only complaint now is that the wall between my vagina and rectum is thinner but nothing is massively saggy.

And tbh, if you would trade in your child for a tighter vagina then you have some real issues.

Original poster

Mumlife27 · 30/10/2019 21:20

I might pay to to see a private gynaecologist. As the nhs one also said nothing wrong with me.

OP posts:

Original poster

Mumlife27 · 30/10/2019 21:23

I never said I would trade her. I meant if somebody told me before children that I would never enjoy sex after birth. The it would have put me off having them.

OP posts:

HappyHarlot · 30/10/2019 22:03

I might pay to to see a private gynaecologist. As the nhs one also said nothing wrong with me.

You do realise that most private Drs also work for the NHS? What do you think a private one will say that an NHS one won't?

Pinkychilla · 31/10/2019 06:55

You can see a woman's health physio (change GPS and ask to be referred) and they really do help, I had an episiotomy and 3rd degree tear and had issues with incontinence etc they also discussed sex and any issues with it, they were very professional and understanding and there is really a lot you can do before having to have surgery, I was given exercises and they also have pelvic floor training aids if needed. I got referred through the NHS but I know there are private ones out there too who specialise in woman's health.
I downloaded some pelvic floor apps and do it daily and it made such a difference.
Also I found Pilates/yoga very good for post pregnancy back pains etc as our bodies go through a lot. Have a look around as my local sports centre had a woman's health specialist physio who ran classes and also did some private work too. Please just don't accept how things are as it's not right and a woman's health physio can help. I'm so sorry you have been dismissed by your GP as these issues really impact on life and can be really damaging to our mental health and should be taken seriously, it's especially frustrating when there is the right help out there that can really improve your situation, I feel like Midwives and doctors at 8 week checks should mention it as no one should have to put up with it.

LauraFlora33 · 31/10/2019 06:59

Do you really feel like you should have never had your child? This is awful for you :( I hope you can get help for your physical health issue so that you can begin to bond with your little one if that’s an issue.

I have been left with an extremely weak pelvic floor since pregnancy and birth. I received a third degree tear and had an episiotomy. Baby was back to back and I had a forceps delivery. I was incontinent for weeks after birth! It scared the life out of me and did ruin some of that special time to begin with but I still bonded with baby.

I’m still receiving physio on the nhs almost a year after birth. Unfortunately your body never goes back and issues like this are common. 1/3 of women apparently have issues such as mine with varying severity. My issue has improved but I don’t think it will ever go away. I do kegal exercise daily. I’m looking into buying a legal exerciser (elvie) they are quite expensive though and I want to ask my physio if it would help.

Do you discuss the issue with your partner, is he understanding and supportive?

Livingmagicallyagain · 31/10/2019 09:37

Also, are you still breastfeeding? That can prolong the effects of relaxin, the hormone which makes everything “relax”!

As a pp said, I also went back tighter/firmer. No issues at all after two big babies. But you need to be shown how to do PF tightening exercises properly (not just kegels/tightening) ideally when the physio is checking your PF as you do them.

The Squeezy app is great!

Original poster

Mumlife27 · 31/10/2019 10:17

I do have the Squeezy app. A nurse checked my pelvic floor and said it was fine and that I was doing kegels correctly.

This has impacted my mental health and my partner isn’t very emotion and doesn’t really like talking about feelings. As for sex tbh he has never seemed to care much he can take it or leave it. However I am the opposite so this has had a huge impact on my life.

I also never breast feed.

OP posts:

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