Hello there,
I am having surgery tomorrow. I promissed myself I am not going to freak out, but unfortunately the last hours proved me wrong.
This will be my second surgery and I suspect I am more scared this time because everything went wrong during the first one. It was supposed to be a routine one for diagnosing endometriosis and cleaning it with a laser. What happened was that even though I warned them I have coeliac and as a result low iron levels, my blood takes longer time to clot, they didn't take it seriously (for some reason, just laughed in my face). Next thing I know, they managed to burst an artery in my tummy and tried to stop the bleeding for 3 hours (!!!), didn't call a vascular surgeon or try to fix it with some sutures themselves, just "poored some medicine and hoped for the best" (those were the actual words I was told after). I woke up with tube stucking out my tummy, still bleading, and with a heart rate of 33pbm and a liter of blood missing......It was the most terrible day of my life! On top of everything they made me feel guilty because they had to cancel the surgery after mine because mine took such a long time! Wow, sorry for not dying then....Whatever, that was 2 years ago.
I complained about 5 months after surgery that the endo is def back, of course no one believed me ("pain is in your head" was said many times).At the end they did an ultrasound and said I have a 2.5cm cyst on right ovary, but it should be normal, probably because of "period or something".
Fast forward to this year, my husband and I moved to a different country. I managed to find the best possible endo clinic (my insurance, even though a state one, allowes me to choose doctors and hospitals that would work with it, I don't need any referrals from gp) after a terrible episodes of pain. New specialist very good, careful. Did ultrasound, right ovary cyst is def an endo one, now 4.5 cm (hense the pain I have all the bloody time), now I have a left cyst as well - 2.5cm, which is positioned so bad on the ovary, doc said she can't save it. She said she can't even see it (the ovary) because the cyst is grabbing it completely. She needs to remove it. She will try to save the right ovary though. She said she will check the tubes with a dye and remove one or both if needed. She will also take a sample from the inside of my uterus. She said she thinks the endo is def back, of course she needs to open and see, but she suspects is around and possibly on my colon. She will check and if it is too deep and parts of colon need removing she will not touch it, but instead wake me and talk about it. I am going to need a different surgery for this with general surgeon present.
Because this surgery looks quite complicated to me I AM FREAKING OUT!!! I am convinced I will lose blood again and wake up with internal organs damaged! Of course she had to inform me that those injuries can occur. I am afraid if I end up with one of those bags on the side of tummy (coloscopy bag?, no idea about the name).
But as always my biggest fear GA!!!!!!OMG, I HAVEN'T SLEPT FOR A WEEK BECAUSE OF THAT FEAR! I went to the pre-op today and the consultant was very nice, typed that I need to be sedated because I am very nervous, she listened carefully about my bad reaction to morphine and codain , I think she typed I need to be given anti-nausea pills or something. This time my coeliac disease was def taken seriously. My low blood presure as well.
But still, GA! And something going wrong! And me waking up during surgery but being paralyzed and not able to tell them. I am so scared, I know I need this surgery, can't live with this pain anymore! I can't sit or walk for more than 20 min. , haven't had proper sex in 4 years (sorry for tmi, but still), the pain on the right is killing me, I am afraid if this shit bursts in me or twist or something else, you know, I need to get it sorted, the earlier the better.
But this terrible fear!
It doesn't help the fact that they want me to be at the hospital at noon, but I am not allowed even a sip of water for 12 hours before that. I don't care about food, I am so nervous can't keep anything down for the past 5 days anyway, but the thought of no water scares me, specially in the heat...
Please, please, PLEASE, if someone can calm me down!