Husband called me shallow for wanting surgery

[Cupcake4u]

After having 3 kids my body isn't what it used to be andy confidence has hit a low point where we barely have sex and our marriage has been rocky , I've tried accepting my lady area and breasts but after years I can't take it anymore . I know it would help my confidence ...

He turned round and called me shallow and fake and I just want to be like these instahoes ,he likes my body and no one else will see me naked........I was taken a back.....I don't want it done to please him , I want my confidence back as I'm a young women .

Other horrible words were said and I can understand I go on about it alot but I don't have any friends and he's the only person I can talk to , if I keep it in the thoughts make me hate myself.
What I want will only give me back what I had before I gave him children .

Why do men think women have cosmetic surgery to please them and for attention?

I think he has a right to an opinion and you can't blame him for not wanting you to have surgery, though the decision is yours to make

Fuck me. Seems like it’s all about him.

Didhe ever say empathetic things like ‘I don’t think you should do it in case you regret it’? Or was it all about his opinion?

FWIW, when I was 18 I had my jaw reset...technically a cosmetic procedure. I do not regret the confidence it has given me...or the soreness post-surgery.

The reality is that it is shallow to have cosmetic surgery for non medical issues.
That's a fact.

I would like breast surgery after my next child but I have this ongoing battle with myself about how much it is a first world problem and I should count myself very lucky to be in such a privileged position, where minor non issues like the appearance of my breasts can be improved for nothing more than self gratification.

It's hard to hear, and I can only summise he was intent in hurting your feelings which is really sad and nasty.

I would question his reasons for being against it. I feel it would be deeper than the reason he has given. Is he the jealous type?

He is the jealous type , i think Calling me shallow was a horrible thing to say to me , I'm the kind of women who rarely dresses up and rarely puts on make up ...he's comparing me to women let's say ...wears Short tops short skirts and has beautiful face and hair that walks around ooosing with confidence thinking she's better than everyone.

But I'm not Im a normal girl a normal mum .
I want to have confidence to be in the same room as my husband naked with the lights on I've been with him for over 10 years ....

There is NOTHING shallow about wanting increased confidence and self-esteem.

You sound very confused about yourself OP.
"Calling me shallow was a horrible thing to say to me." Well no, it wasn't. It was the truth. As it would be if you called him the same for wanting botox or an eye lift or whatever....

You say you never wear make up or dress up. Why? This is a great way of boosting self-esteem (again, in a fairly shallow way). A new hairstyle, a new outfit, a nail job - all of these things will help.

Thunder is absolutely correct - there's nothing shallow about wanting increased confidence and self-esteem but you don't need cosmetic surgery for that. You would be far better doing some exercise for example, going to an evening class on assertiveness / mindfulnesss / for example, and looking after yourself physically, mentally and emotionally.

Why is he comparing you to other woman? How does his jealousy manifest itself? These are potential red flags....

If you've been married 10 years and he says he likes you as you are, what makes you discount his views and opinions?