Julie Myerson - why am I not surprised that a book has materialised concerning her own son's drug issues?

[glasjam]

Read this is in today's Observer www.guardian.co.uk/society/2009/mar/01/julie-myerson-novel-drug-addiction

Does anyone else have the uncomfortable feeling that I have on learning that she is writing about her son's drug problems? I know that writers often mine their own personal experiences for material but I think she's putting her literary endeavours ahead of her son here. From what I can gather, he is still young, his drug issues are ongoing, and although he is out of the family home, surely this is risking any possible future reconcilliation? I also baulk at the way she "weaves historical research about Yelloly with her disturbing account of her son's ejection from the family home" It just smacks of middle-class-writer angst.

My cynicism is further fuelled by my very strong suspicion that Julie Myerson is the author of Living with Teenagers - but that's another story...

Whilst I can't help but feel disgust at the way they just cut their own son out of their lives, especially since another family thought he wasn't too horrible to give a room to in a house shared with their own dc, I am aware that it is easy to judge if you weren't in that situation yourself. So giving her the benefit of the (very strong) doubt on that one.

However,writing about this is a major mistake. If she really cared that much about sheltering her other children from the horrible world of drugs, surely she would, well, shelter them. Strange.

I feel really sorry for the youngest 2 children - everyone else partly shares the responsibility, even if not equally.

Agree with bfl and lala here. I think also on the basis of the LWT column (and if she isn't the author she clearly so could be) the mother comes across as someone who has very much not put uncrossable boundaries in place early on -- all that swearing at the parents, for example, which I find really shocking, but which appeared to go pretty much unchecked. I guess if you don't get into the habit of drawing lines which must not be crossed (and taking v. strong action when they are) then you're relatively powerless if your teenager starts along the smoking cannabis route.

"And there?s one memorable dark winter?s morning when life suddenly feels good again, because he gets up on his own, gets dressed and comes down and eats an egg you?ve cooked."

Anybody else remember an egg column in LWT??? Anybody else think that the style of that whole JM piece in the Telegraph is very reminiscent of the LWT style???

Even when trying not to judge her parenting or his behaviour; I'm horrified at her plastering his face across national newspapers.
She is vile!

These kinds of parents actively encourage their DCs to experiment, thinking it's a bit 'edgy' and cool. I've nothing against experimenting per se but they encourage their DCs as soon as they become teenagers.

Now my older DCs are older (22 and 20 and they were certainly no angels) I can quite honestly say that their contemporaries who were treated like this have ALL gone off the rails to a certain degree. Some have 'come back' but a significant minority haven't and have serious drug/drink problems. I feel so sorry for them. It is horrible to see it being played out in public. The Myersons have are learning their lesson the hard way and are now trying to protect their younger children. I have a younger child too and am very wary of him mixing with children whose parents are living out their teenage fantasies in their DCs.

Lots of good points here I think, but having read that second Telegraph article I have sympathy for the Myersons as parents, although I still think publishing a book about is is a massive mistake.

My brother was very similar to Jake in many ways, and it broke my heart to watch him break my parents'.

When you are living with somone like that as a sibling it takes every inch of strength not to slap them into the next room every time they make your mum cry because of their own drug-warped paranoia, self-pity, and utter, utter lack of empathy.

My brother's a bit better now, but Jake sounds like he's still right there - he sounds insufferable. And now his mother has done something really stupid too. But still, I feel sorry for her.

I thought I read somewhere she was not going to be doing any interviews on this book prior to publication in May?
I think she must have decided on a course of attempted damage limitation after Jake turned her own weapon on her - exposure in the press.
Will Self is pretty appalled too.
I feel so sad for her son. She has served his turbulent teenage years up for tutting and handwringing in the most exploitative way possible.

charitygirl, you are charitable because I don't see lots of good points being made here. One person has said she has read the book no one else has. This thread has made me feel physically sick because it has braught back to me the dark lonely place the judgement and finger pointing and blame that goes on when a child goes off the rails like this. I didn't chuck my daughter out, I gave her choices. In this situation most addicts think requests to curb unaceptable behaviour is irrational and insane. On several occasions dd made the choice to live temporarily on other peoples sofas and even in a squat with heroin addicts rather than live in my house and accept my rules. The consequences on a family is phenomenal. I wrote about it here in threads when I needed support and was going out of my mind... Reading the extract I cried because I know what she is talking about. Her and her husband had to choose between their children. I've been close to it. I don't know JM. I don't know her son. They will have different perpectives on the situation. Although my dd having come to the other side of it has apologised to me and also thanked me. I think this book could help other parents who are going through hell trying to support their children and feeling like they are failing madly. It does help to know it has happened to others.

The title of the book says it for me. The whole time dd was in her black place I felt I had lost my child.

I would not wish the experience on anyone. I never thought it could happen to me and my family. At 13/14 I had a great relationship with my dd. I would not have expected it to have happened to my child. Personally I feel there is a lot of smug judgement going on here

Ponders - the egg story rang a bell with me too.

Winnie09 - I know what you mean about judgment - I was going to write defensively that my parents are loving, supportive people who set firm boundaries, and who were not to blame for their son's choices.

But there isn't any need - I know the truth of my situation (and you know yours) - and other people wouldn't believe me anyway!

winnie - I don't think most people on this thread are denying it must be dreadful to watch your child go to a dark place but that is an entirely separate issue to whether it's acceptable to profit from that. Write about it sure but don't publish, not without his consent. I do appreciate it must be helpful to know you're not alone but I think it's appalling. Do you think her and her son will ever come through the other side the way you and your daughter have? I think the likelihood of that happening now are slim in the extreme. It's like she's punishing him

Did anyone see the photo in the Telegraph of her spoon-feeding her son when he was a baby? If only she'd done BLW it might all have been different.....

spicemonster, imho there is a lot of finger pointing going on here which is not just about the book.

People write personal accounts of life events and have them published all of the time although sometimes anonymously. I can't read real life accounts of child abuse that hit the best seller lists (depite working in a field where I deal with families where child abuse goes on) & sometimes others challenge the truth of those published accounts. I understand why people may feel that JM is abusing her power as a mother but at what point does a teenager/young adult have to account for their actions? Frankly, from the small amount I've read since this thread started Jake is still in denial about his drug taking which is easy when one is surrounded by people doing exactly the same thing. It becomes normalised. I don't doubt JM and husband made mistakes, I did, and all parent do at some point but whilst I would be very uncomfortable having my daughter and our story exposed in this way, people close to us, people who matter to us, people in ds's school, people in our community including complete strangers all know about the situation.

I hope that Jake has moved on from his earlier behaviour. It is possible with cannabis to decrease use enough that one is still using it but it no longer runs ones life. I hope he has managed to sort his life out BUT he is refusing to take any responsibilty for his behaviour and that must be very difficult for the family to deal with. He seems quite media savvy and I wonder if he will actually come out of this with his own 'career' in the media spot light.

As for his relationship with his parents. I don't know whether the publication of this book will have made a bad situation worse, or not, BUT I do believe that bonds between parents & children, children & parents are incredibly resilient and I hope that the turmoil that seems to be created in the wake of the publication may actually bring them together in the long run. However, some relationships are so broken that such an action may be the final straw. I acknowledge that. I also think the reaction to the book must be having a huge impact on the other two children. Maybe I am niave but I am not sure she could have predicted the reality of the reaction.

has it been established that she actually did write the Living with Teenagers column?

did she write HOME?
the book
i liked that, and the kids were diddy in it.

she now is a wanker then?

I have a good memory for this type of trivia. And in LWT she says loads of things about Eddie at 18, about his A-levels being a damp squib, about him moving out to a squat and the parents having mixed feelings etc. I simply can't remember Eddie getting kicked out at age 17, or hitting his dad around the head, or getting a girl pregnant. Or being banished in general. Either she changed A LOT of details in LWT -- in which case both LWT and the new book may as well be labeled fiction, or it simply isn't the same family.

Also, the age gaps don't seem quite the same between JM and LWT teens.

eDDIE WAS A cute toddler

god that is sad

lljkk - I think just because she edited details of LWT (and, if she didn't write it, then she should be suing whoever did for plagiarising her style and tone) doesn't mean that it is a fiction. The names were changed, the location seems to have been changed and, when it started, it was meant to be typical Mr and Mrs Loving Parents and their savagely awful slacker kids whom we could identify with. If it got to the stage of heavy drug use/police visits/unplanned pregnancies I don't think the column could have survived, it just wouldn't have been normal enough.

I happen to know for a fact that she did write the LWT column. Cannot divulge how I know but take it from me that I do. She did.

I agree winnie, there is a lot of people saying that she must have been a shit parent to have a child who uses drugs. And I know that's not true and I can completely see how you must be feeling rather attacked on this thread. For the record, I caused my parents quite a lot of worry with my drug use in my teens and I don't think that was anything to do with their parenting.

But I do have a question for you. You now have a good relationship with your daughter which I'm very pleased to hear. Do you think if you'd written and published a book about her drug abuse and the affect on your family at the time when she was still dealing with drugs, that would have happened? Because that's the issue I have. I feel like she's sacrificed her relationship with her son on the alter of public laundry washing.

A long extract is in today's Telegraph and it seemed to me that some (not all) of the thigns she and hre husband objected to are what normal teenagers are like - noisy music in the small hours, getting home late, cooking in the night. Most of us tolerate it rather than bar the children from the home. But I can see if what is said is true he was worse in some ways - stealing but was that because she left him without funds - and he did once hit her and trashing the house.

He writes

"However, Jake, who was thrown out of the family home by his parents over the schism, has condemned his mother for blackening his name in the forthcoming book.

The 20-year-old said: "What she has done has taken the very worst years of my life and cleverly blended it into a work of art, and that to me is obscene.

"I was only 17, I was a confused teenager, I was too young really to know who I was or what was happening.

"What she describes in her book are a series of incidents, it's not who I am and I find it very sad that she feels the need to tar me with the 'drug addict' brush.

"She's been writing about me since I was two, and, quite frankly, I'm not surprised by anything she does any more.

"She's a writer and like a lot of writers she is wrapped up in her own world - even if the worlds they are creating aren't quite true, they become true to them anyway, and I wasn't prepared to let her world colour mine any more." "