Julie Myerson - why am I not surprised that a book has materialised concerning her own son's drug issues?

[glasjam]

Read this is in today's Observer www.guardian.co.uk/society/2009/mar/01/julie-myerson-novel-drug-addiction

Does anyone else have the uncomfortable feeling that I have on learning that she is writing about her son's drug problems? I know that writers often mine their own personal experiences for material but I think she's putting her literary endeavours ahead of her son here. From what I can gather, he is still young, his drug issues are ongoing, and although he is out of the family home, surely this is risking any possible future reconcilliation? I also baulk at the way she "weaves historical research about Yelloly with her disturbing account of her son's ejection from the family home" It just smacks of middle-class-writer angst.

My cynicism is further fuelled by my very strong suspicion that Julie Myerson is the author of Living with Teenagers - but that's another story...

Motherinferior - I'm sure you are right about the name change. Unless they've done the deed very quietly - and one of the articles quoted early in this thread suggests they haven't - they are not married. I am happy for anyone to make any choice they like about the institution of marriage and whether they want to live in it, but I have never understood (and never will) why any woman who has rejected marriage would adopt one of the most patriarchal aspects of it by changing her name to that of her partner.

"Over and over again in published excerpts you hear a sense of outrage at the boy's escape from the pretty chrysalis of infancy - ?We are moving house and he refuses to join in the excitement... our child who has always been so reliable... my little boy... the loss of my child." Yup - that's what I kept seeing, and Libby Purves also points out the vile quote about getting the son's girlfriend to the abortion clinic "before her mood changed". That's just fucking abhorrent, whatever your views on abortion.

God yes, MBDK, me too. Most bizarre. I think they did it to prove their Bond of Lurve, while being oh so defiant of society's constraining norms in not getting married.

The fact nobody gives a flying fandango about unmarried parents these days has obviously passed this conformist couple by.

MadBad and MI -- in fairness, I can understand why someone who has had a very difficult relationship with their family of origin might take the opportunity to change their name to that of their partner/husband.

I briefly considered doing it myself, to try and draw a line for myself, as it were. And then decided I could reinvent myself with my own name. I made jolly sure the dc had dh's name though.

Julie Myerson says that she wants her son to get his life back together. But how on earth can publicly labelling him a violent druggie help that? If he applies for a university place, the tutors will know about him. If he applies for a job, the employers will know about him. If he's walking down the street and a policeman recognises his picture, then he's going to get searched and hassled. He's already had the press at his door. Did she honestly think that her actions would do anything other than stigmatise him?

Ah, I have Reclaimed Inferiority all for moi

But then I'd hate not to give my daughters an umlaut of their very own

Yes, the own umlaut is a very valuable piece of heritage, 'twould be wrong to lose that. Shame it's not one of those diagonal ø things, that would be even better. And a nice diaresis would be good also. Though possibly not all together.

Oh gawd. I just feel so very sorry for all of them. She was so misguided and it was such an ill-judged thing to do. And at the same time you can see why she did, because she's so used to living in that bubble, whereby what she thinks and what she feels is her livelihood, and part of what makes her tick is writing that down. And I can see why she then wasn't able to see beyond that as to what the consequences of it would be.

In a way, her inability to do that, and their decisions and naivety regarding the book, do make one think that they might be similar in their parenting, though we don't really know, so we probably shouldn't judge too harshly.

I do feel very sorry for all of them though, and all the children, it's just a car crash of bad decisions and selfish thinking, all round.

That's a very fair point, frogs.

I think what boggles my mind is that taking your (unmarried) partner's name is the one thing above all else which makes it look as if you are married. Next time I'm at a party and am introduced to Jasper Bound-Bylove and Jemima Bound-Bylove I will, naturally, predictably and unimaginatively, assume that they are married.

I see that some people might have good reasons for taking a partner's name to signify a new chapter in their life but, for others, I do wonder whether it's more to do with lacking the courage of their convictions and actually being rather timid about not being married.

To be fair, I think from (yet another) first person piece written by the Myersons, Jonathan refused to marry her because he had already been married and it all went wrong and, somehow, the logical conclusion for him to draw from that is that any marriage to any woman will be doomed. She was desperate to marry him so changed her name to match so she's not anti-marriage, he is.

lala - Somehow I must have missed that one (I confess to reading a lot of her journalism, in a gawping at a car crash and making bets with myself about quite how self-obsessed one person can be sort of way). If you're suggesting that she changed her name to his in order to pretend (if only to herself) to be married, that's very sad on very many levels.

Yikes. Everything that's coming up about her suggests that she really is the overgrown schoolgirl she also seems to want to present herself as physically.

Good piece by Purves who does get on my nerves on the radio, but wise words I thought.

I am amazed (and slightly concerned) by the amount of trivia I have absorbed about the Myersons over the years. Just to strengthen my stalker credentials, you can read this about the name change...

lala - Perhaps you and I need to step away from this thread now and go and do something more productive!

oh god that is pathetic. I am forced to the conclusion that many splendid women (a) really really want to be married (b) are prepared to be rebranded in their husband's name, but frankly...

While it's utterly bizarre from a feminist or a legal perspective, it's surprisingly common for women to change their name to their partner's while not getting married.

I think it's usually when the women really would rather be married but the man isn't keen, it's a compromise. Sometimes they do it because they see it as cheaper than getting married "properly" but I don't think that would apply here.

MBDTB - I can't

LOVE the Libby Purves article, so, so true.

LOL however at the comment by "Bruce, France" underneath which sources all the problems to the fact that Myerson "played the father" and "failed to support her husband".

Yes, THAT'S where it all went wrong - these pesky feminists hogging the trousers again... tut.

I rather think she changed her name because it was Pike. Julie Pike doesn't really look brilliant on a dust jacket. Not for the chattering classes, at any rate.

yes, Julie Pike sounds more like the author of northern clogs and mining sagas, or tough misery memoirs set in London's "gritty" East End.

"Julie Myerson says that she wants her son to get his life back together. But how on earth can publicly labelling him a violent druggie help that? If he applies for a university place, the tutors will know about him. If he applies for a job, the employers will know about him. If he's walking down the street and a policeman recognises his picture, then he's going to get searched and hassled. He's already had the press at his door. Did she honestly think that her actions would do anything other than stigmatise him? "

we-e-e-e-ll.... most people who come into contact with him probably don't have teh wildly hysterical views about pot that his mother has, do to be fair I doubt if the tutors and employers would give that much of a stuff about a young man enjoying a few spliffs.

oh i had never figured out the LWT thing but you are right, it could be her

depends on the job, Beanie. Not that Myerson major is an obvious candidate for the Met or anything, but he's entitled to go for any job he darn well likes without his mother's vitriol having spiked his chances.