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Stupidities and irritations in novels

264 replies

UnquietDad · 30/12/2008 11:43

What are the things which annoy you most in fiction? Things characters do, assumptions authors make, etc?

I think my number one has to be the "affluence assumption", where people who are supposedly worrying about money still "have" to send Jonty and Jocasta to the lovely little prep school and violin lessons. (Mind you, there's enough of that on here.)

DW has just finished reading these, which feature such laughable idiocies as a state primary school where people talk about "first years" and "second years" and which has its own dedicated science block and music block.

There are an awful lot of thirty- and forty-something women writing novels these days who are out of touch with any reality beyond their cosy little London mums-and-coffees-and-gym circle. And - surprise, surprise - they are books about cosy little London mums-and-coffees-and-gym circles.

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UnquietDad · 30/12/2008 14:57

Yes, clever use of little physical details can be very telling.

Big difference between that kind of writing and the sort where the writer stops the story to have the heroine pause IN FRONT OF A MIRROR (aaaaagh!!!) and flash her eyes and admire her sculpted alabaster cheekbones, raven tresses and hourglass figure.

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BBBee · 30/12/2008 14:59

you get about 2k for writing a black lace novel

nkf · 30/12/2008 15:00

UQD - are you a writer having difficulties? This is all a bit sour isn't it?

BBBee · 30/12/2008 15:00

(if you price it up by the hour you would be better off working in a bar)

OhBling · 30/12/2008 15:01

UQD - rude, I know, but who are you!? .I always feel that everyone else on threads with you know who you are but that I'm out of the loop.

Ignore question if you want to though!

On the pause in front of a mirror thing though - as a family, we still roar with laughter remembering a friend of my sister's who used to pause in front of evrey mirrored surface (including the oven) to flick her long blonde locks. I was about 9 and found it endlessly entertaining!

UnquietDad · 30/12/2008 15:01

About the same as most first-time "literary" novelists BBBeee..

nkf - no, I'm a fairly successful one. My "difficulties" are only those experienced by everyone in the profession. But the extent of the thread shows how many people seem to agree!

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KerryMumbles · 30/12/2008 15:02

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tribpot · 30/12/2008 15:03

UQD I have a feeling Lee Child may occassionally mention Jack Reacher's vital stats (Probably for the female readership, however).

If only Dickens had thought that a character's top hat size was an important part of the character description, tee hee. Or if modern writers listed everyone's income like Austen.

bigmouthstrikesagain · 30/12/2008 15:04

Can I add the Minette Walters crime novels - which I do enjoy but have become intensly irritated by the constant repetition of character archetypes. The poor working class rough types who are foul mouthed but honest and honourable, the middle class protagonist, grumpy, alienated from society and with a past and a terrible secret who acts in a completely bizarre and suspicious manner throughout the novel until they are completely exonerated of any part in the crime/s.

Who ever said crime fiction was formulaic?!!

nkf · 30/12/2008 15:04

I don't mean difficulties as in getting published or paid. It's just you seem a bit miffed about other types of writing - mums lit I think it's called. A genre that seems to attract high advances.

LiffeyAgSnamhArLaCoille · 30/12/2008 15:04

Nancysgarden, Anita shreve does that present tense thing and it's torture.

UQD, I'm going to say I LOVE that you've mentioned who you are in rl, not like other bloody teases on this board who tantalise us with their 'I'm somebody famous doncha know?' and then they lose their nerve, so bravo hombre.

There IS room for another few SAHM writers though because NONE of your books are on the shelf in my local big book shop, and that leaves room for several more yummy mummy writers doesn't it?

SO I think you need to go on a World tour, or if your publishers won't fund that, snog Rachel Johnston, in Starbucks in HOlland Park!???

Then you'll be too busy coining it to think about what you hate about other writers! It's an interesting subject though. But we'll keep the griping threads going while you deal with the ker-ching.

pp, Love Alice Munro

FlossieT · 30/12/2008 15:05

kickassangel, the "one good suit" rings nasty bells... if it's the same book I'm thinking of, I feel your pain.

nkf · 30/12/2008 15:05

Who are you UQD? I too am out of the loop.

KerryMumbles · 30/12/2008 15:06

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UnquietDad · 30/12/2008 15:07

nkf - bit of a myth, that. About the advances, I mean. I do think there is too much of it and it's all the same, though.

I don't actually say directly on here who I am, because I want my anonymity as much as anyone else! But I have sent my website link to anyone who CATs me, which I think is fair enough. And I'm not famous. far from it. Just a jobbing writer.

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nkf · 30/12/2008 15:09

I thought they got quite a bit. Someone I know got £70k for two mums lit novels. Sounded not bad to me. One book a year. For work you can do round the school run and without childcare.

nkf · 30/12/2008 15:10

I can't CAT alas. Can't you quickly put up your website link?

LiffeyAgSnamhArLaCoille · 30/12/2008 15:11

UQD, I am 'nobody' and I'm more careful on here than you are!! Wasn't going to say your name though. I was longliveGreenElizabeth when you told me who you are, or maybe Elizabeth BeresfordSW19

canee remember i've had so many identities. but wasn't going to type it.

KerryMumbles · 30/12/2008 15:11

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BBBee · 30/12/2008 15:12

the thing i hate about mum-lit is that it is all so cliched - it makes us all seem really boring and insecure.

UnquietDad · 30/12/2008 15:12

nkf - I don't want to do that. Nobody else on here has to tell everyone who they are!!

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nkf · 30/12/2008 15:13

Okay.

LiffeyAgSnamhArLaCoille · 30/12/2008 15:13

So when's your next world tour then UQD, I want to walk into my local bookshop and see you grinning from behind a table stacked with your books!

UnquietDad · 30/12/2008 15:14

That kind of advance is exceptional. Really exceptional. A fifth or tenth of that is normal - really. The Society of Authors regularly gather info on such things.

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BBBee · 30/12/2008 15:14

oh and i hate clumsy converstaions put in merely to explain a bit of the plot - lazy writing.