Writing style - show don't tell

[EarthSight]

I've noticed that the top reason why I find many books unreadable is the writing style.

Here's an example I saw today whilst browsing the library shelves -

''Jane Haughton sat in an oak chair, smoking a cigarette. She looked out of the window, and was feeling sad. Then Mr Jacobs came in. He was a short man with a thick moustache and he had a bad expression on his face, but as he liked Jane that expression softened as he saw her''.

Most books have a bit of this, but when it's pages & pages of a writing style that feels more suitable for early - mid teens, it's a turn-off, and I see it a lot in books that are apparently written for adults. I can tolerate it if the book is very entertaining and fun, just about, but that's very rare and most of the time I'll just abandon the book.

I like historical and fantasy genres in particular, so does anyone have recommendations of authors who write in a more subtle / sophisticated manner (no present tense please) ?

It’s not those genres but the most refreshingly pared-down books I’ve read are by Ken Bruen. I discovered him last year from his obituary. He has a style where he leaves quite a lot unsaid and lets you fill in the blanks for yourself based on what is happening instead of this modern trend of over-describing and telling you everything and leaving nothing to the imagination. I don’t usually read crime but his books were very enjoyable.

If you want good writing and like historical fiction then I guess Hilary Mantel is an obvious choice if you’ve not read her - the Wolf Hall trilogy and A Place of Greater Safety.
If you also like detective fiction then I really recommend the Shardlake books - set in Tudor times.

Kazuo Ishiguro has a subtle writing style, have you read Never let me go, or Klara and the sun.

That's not really what "show don't tell" means, though. The basic idea is to avoid saying what a character's thinking or feeling. Watching visual dramatisations, and in real life, we construe people's feelings via their actions.

Bad writers have always over-described their people. We don't need to know about Mr Jacobs's thick moustache until he strokes it or gets food stuck in it. If he likes Jane, his expression can change and we can work it out for ourselves.

Dickens: "A sallow-faced man in rusty brown, who sat upon an uncommonly hard stool... and always had a pen behind his ear". Tells you loads about this chap, his health and his life, all without excess description.

Second the recommendations above. And Dickens!

Show don’t tell is one of those stupid rules that people who don’t know much about writing say a lot to sound sophisticated (sorry). What you describe is just bad writing. A good writer can tell more than show and it wouldn’t matter. A good writer can use the present tense and it wouldn’t matter. There are some very bad writers who show in the past tense.

The best thing you can do if you want to read higher quality fiction is to read the book review sections of newspapers, subscribe to literary magazines like the TLS, New Yorker, LRB etc.

Well, yes, what I described is what ‘show don’t tell’ means. Leaving it to the imagination of the reader as to whether the facial expression means a particular emotion or not rather than saying she felt sad or “she furrowed her pale, leathery brow in concern, her thick black caterpillars following the rumples of her forty-one-year-old skin, as her heart—which had seen her through three PhDs and a divorce—squeezed at the painful memory”. The second one would be exemplified by an inexperienced writer as the correct way to use show don’t tell. But it’s not great writing and still give so many pieces of information that shouldn’t be there that it is still, to all intents and purposes, telling. As per OP’s example.

Not doing either of the above is the epitome of good use of showing rather than telling. KB also doesn’t overdo the showing. But thanks for ‘splaining. I’ve only hit the USA Today/NYT bestseller list twice so far, so clearly I need a GCSE English lesson. 🤭 Perhaps a more pared-down style like Bruen’s isn’t for you if you can’t infer things from words without being given reams of excessive over-explanation. 🤷‍♀️ It might still suit the OP.

Congratulations on your literary successes, @TheHedgehogCannotBeBotheredAtAll. Perhaps if you bothered to read what other people write in, eg, posts you choose to answer, you wouldn't come across as rudely patronising. Still, as you say/show: 🤷‍♀️

You know that being a bestselling writer doesn’t mean being a good writer, right? One of the worst writers I know has sold millions of copies and is incapable of basic syntax. None of the brilliant writers I know would ever go around talking about “show don’t tell” as though it’s an actual thing: they’d be mortified.

Your mean post to the other poster was overwritten, btw, so perhaps you do need a writing course of some kind.

Can’t wait for the next instalment

Watching visual dramatisations, and in real life, we construe people's feelings via their actions

I know what you mean. There are examples I've read whereby body language is described in some way but it's clear what's going on in terms of motivations or feelings without having to say it. I was only 20 years old when I read 'Girl with a Pearl Earring', so it's possible my preferences have moved on since then, but I felt her writing style was simple yet didn't fall into the 'tell but don't show' trap.