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Original poster

Best book about motherhood?

40 replies

Wednesday6 · 16/12/2023 23:46

I bumped into this book on my library app (audiobook beautifully narrated). I did not expect it to be so good! I didn't even immediately realized it was about motherhood. Soldier and Sailor by Claire Kilroy 2023 is an emotional journey of a new mother from Ireland. The narration is a stream of consciousness at times, beautifully written. I related to almost all of it, the transformation into a mother, struggle with relationship with her husband, the love of the mother (Soldier) to her new son ( Sailor) is so universal, so strong that it hurts. Anyone else read this book? I needed it and was looking for it since I had my baby boy!

Best book about motherhood?
OP posts:
Morewineplease10 · 17/12/2023 00:25

I read Union Street in my early 20s and it was probably the only thing I'd read up to that point that gave me a glimmer of insight as to what it might be like.
Mainly a grim read but rather profound and I do I love Pat Barker.

pollyhemlock · 17/12/2023 15:03

Soldier Sailor is a masterpiece. Another book I’m very fond of is Night Waking by Sarah Moss, which is excellent on the relentlessness of early motherhood and also on the challenges of having a ( possibly) neurodivergent child.

bookworm14 · 17/12/2023 21:27

I came to recommend Night Waking but I see Pollyhemlock has got there first! I also thought Soldier Sailor was a masterpiece and one of my favourite books of the year.

HiCandles · 17/12/2023 21:36

Will give this a go, thanks.
Non fiction but I found the book Why Love Matters by Sue Gerhardt fascinating. It's about the effect of love/affection and lack of on babies and children. It really made me think about how to interact with my children and also gave me a better understanding of why some troubled adults I know are the way they are.

Croissantsandpistachio · 17/12/2023 22:28

A Life's Work by Rachel Cusk is my absolute favourite, although bleak in parts. That's the second time I've come across Soldier Sailor today so I have to read it now!

riotlady · 17/12/2023 22:30

Nobody Told Me by Hollie Mcnish- it’s a collection of poems but it documents her (unplanned) pregnancy and the first 3 years of her daughter’s life.

lilyfire · 17/12/2023 22:39

They were talking about Soldier Sailor on R4 on Open Book today and saying how good it is and that men in particular should read it!

Yumchips · 17/12/2023 22:40

Following!

babybythesea · 17/12/2023 22:48

This might be hard to track down but:
I should have seen it coming when the rabbit died by Teresa Bloomingdale

It’s an autobiography written in 1960’s/1979’s America and is just life with her 10 children. It’s not a story but a series of observations and recounting of events. Ver, very funny.

Brokenandbewildered · 17/12/2023 22:50

I think the best one is I'm Okay: You're a Brat, by Susan Jeffers. It certainly spells out all the disadvantages of motherhood but I found it comforting and revelatory.

Lemevoir · 17/12/2023 23:13

https://www.amazon.co.uk/What-Mothers-Do-especially-nothing/dp/0749926201

I found 'What Mothers Do - especially when it looks like nothing' very comforting and validating when I had my first child. The antithesis of the other parenting books I had at the time.

pollyhemlock · 18/12/2023 08:32

Although it’s now pretty old ( 1965) The Millstone by Margaret Drabble gives you a picture of what it was like to be a single, unmarried mother at the time. Yes, the central character is in reasonably comfortable circumstances, but she has to negotiate all the demands of early motherhood while trying to earn a living and overcome a host of petty disapprovals and judgements. The bit where she is not allowed to see her very sick baby in hospital and screams the place down has always stayed with me.

MsNeis · 18/12/2023 12:51

"Motherhood: Facing and Finding yourself". Lisa Marchiano.
(Sorry, not fiction!)

Original poster
Wednesday6 · 18/12/2023 16:51

I'm so glad so many people enjoyed Soldier Sailor! I will be checking out all the recommendations starting with Night Walking!

OP posts:
tobee · 19/12/2023 02:50

pollyhemlock · 18/12/2023 08:32

Although it’s now pretty old ( 1965) The Millstone by Margaret Drabble gives you a picture of what it was like to be a single, unmarried mother at the time. Yes, the central character is in reasonably comfortable circumstances, but she has to negotiate all the demands of early motherhood while trying to earn a living and overcome a host of petty disapprovals and judgements. The bit where she is not allowed to see her very sick baby in hospital and screams the place down has always stayed with me.

I've not read this but seen the film with the American actress Sandy Dennis playing the very English main character. And a very young Ian McKellen playing the father of her child. The bit with the baby going to hospital is shocking to think of today.

The film is called A Touch of Love

AllABitNew · 19/12/2023 05:07

Does 'We Need to Talk About Kevin' count?

Ascubudr · 19/12/2023 05:20

I read wife wirk when pregnant with my first. I found it very impactful.

ToriTheStoryteller · 19/12/2023 05:24

AllABitNew · 19/12/2023 05:07

Does 'We Need to Talk About Kevin' count?

I actually think it's a brilliant book about motherhood!

I first read it before I had a child. All of my sympathy was with the mother. Then I read it when DS was about five. I almost couldn't believe it was the same book and that I could have had the opinion of it that I'd had the first time. My perspective was so so different reading it as a mother and there were so many passages and nuances that I has missed or glossed over the first time.

Christabelladaisy · 19/12/2023 05:26

Interestingly I had the opposite with Kevin. I was very unsympathetic to Eva the first time I read it and then, some three years later re read and felt if anyone was at fault it was Franklin.

Philandbill · 19/12/2023 05:31

Lemevoir · 17/12/2023 23:13

https://www.amazon.co.uk/What-Mothers-Do-especially-nothing/dp/0749926201

I found 'What Mothers Do - especially when it looks like nothing' very comforting and validating when I had my first child. The antithesis of the other parenting books I had at the time.

I came on to add this one, and for the same reason. As @HiCandles says Why Love Matters is also superb. I'm adding "The Battle for Christabel" by Margaret Forster. Probably a bit dated now (published in the late 1980's) and is about a woman's decision whether or not to adopt the child of her friend who has died in an accident.

Lastexmouse · 19/12/2023 18:18

Ann Enright also wrote a memoir on early motherhood, more upbeat than Rachel Cusk's. Think its called Making Babies.

Dustyblue · 21/12/2023 12:11

Ouch, I remember "We Need to Talk About Kevin". Really compelling read but a bit gut-wrenching.

I loved Jennifer Weiner's "Little Earthquakes". She's an American author & has written a few books in this sort-of vein. This one also has a tragic bent to it, but somehow wasn't a depressing read, if that makes sense.

There's an Irish author called Sinead Moriarty whose books I've devoured- but watch out for "The Good Mother". She's usually quite hilarious, whilst touching on hard topics (a little like Marian Keyes in that sense) but TGM made me sob so loudly the neighbours heard me.

3timeslucky · 21/12/2023 14:19

I saw the title and was immediately going to recommend Soldier Sailor but see many of you have got there before me. I first became a mum 23 years ago and have read other books that captured aspects of the experience but Soldier Sailor just blows them out of the water.

Not fiction but an eye-opener is The Invisible Job https://www.theinvisiblejob.com/ Nothing comes close in documenting the practical demands of being a parent.

The Invisible Job - How sharing home and parental responsibilities leads to happier relationships

The Invisible Job - How sharing home and parental responsibilities leads to happier relationships. Book about equality in parenting and home responsibilities. A clear response to the question women ask, 'Am I being unreasonable to expect my partner to...

https://www.theinvisiblejob.com

Octopus45 · 23/12/2023 20:25

I love The Good Mother by Sinead Moriarty, agree its a real tear jerker though. Will be looking up some of these other ones.

ivelostmytrousers · 23/12/2023 20:58

www.theguardian.com/books/2019/jan/13/salt-on-tongue-women-and-sea-charlotte-runcie-review

This was read on R4 and I ended up buying it when I was pregnant