What are your book pet peeves?

[AlpacaTheBags]

What tropes or clichés annoy you in books?

I have so many but one is when the main character is at risk so they move far away to make a new life where no one will be able to connect them to their past. Good plan but they always go to some tiny coastal or rural village(Population 150) and buy or rent the most well known and distinctive building in the place(Usually a potter's or lobster fisherman's cottage.)

And then when the villain inevitably catches up with them, they always run towards the cliffs to have their final encounter. I don't know why because you can guarantee that at least one of them is going over the cliff.

YA novels are especially bad for heroines looking wistfully in the mirror and thinking, "no one will ever love me with my flawless ivory-like skin, bright green eyes, waist-length tumbling red locks, and horribly skinny body."

My other peeve is detectives who are just completely stupid, and reveals where the murderer's motive makes no sense at all. I just finished the Sanitorium by Sarah Pearse which is a fun read but unbelievably stupid in every possible way. At one point a main character vanishes (from a hotel in a remote mountain that's been cut off by an avalanche) leaving her purse keys and phone behind, and everyone is just like "huh, weird. I guess she'll turn up, no biggie." Surely someone lost in the snow with no other shelter would be a massive emergency under any circumstances, even without a serial killer on the loose? Also a police detective doesn't realise that a mutilated tied up body fished out of a swimming pool was murdered until she notices that the body was weighted down with a sandbag. And at one point a character compulsively picks at her nail varnish and they follow the trail of nail varnish crumbs like Hansel and Gretel.

This thread is making me laugh a lot I love it (she said, before padding off into the bathroom to stare in despair at her heart shaped face and tumbling mass of hideous burnished waves.)

Or they do have jobs but seemingly spend so little time working that realistically they would be fired.

So many, what annoys me the most is when Americanisms are used. For example, a book set in the UK where the main character is a Lawyer, not a barrister or a solicitor, a Lawyer. See also “bangs” and “trash”.

I don’t read chick lit unless I’m on holiday but they always seem to follow the same formula. Woman meets man, man seems great but is bad, other man who seemed less good (rude, brash, uninterested) is actually good. Ffs.

My other peeve is detectives who are just completely stupid, and reveals where the murderer's motive makes no sense at all. I just finished the Sanitorium by Sarah Pearse which is a fun read but unbelievably stupid in every possible way. At one point a main character vanishes (from a hotel in a remote mountain that's been cut off by an avalanche) leaving her purse keys and phone behind, and everyone is just like "huh, weird. I guess she'll turn up, no biggie." Surely someone lost in the snow with no other shelter would be a massive emergency under any circumstances, even without a serial killer on the loose? Also a police detective doesn't realise that a mutilated tied up body fished out of a swimming pool was murdered until she notices that the body was weighted down with a sandbag. And at one point a character compulsively picks at her nail varnish and they follow the trail of nail varnish crumbs like Hansel and Gretel.

Wow. How does stuff like that even get published?!

Lesley Pearce is very bad for the heroine having a job which would clearly be minimum wage and never actually going to work, whilst living in a flat she could never afford (she's usually shagging the manager and another man at the same time)

Also can't stand dialogue where you can't tell who's saying what and have to keep going back and working it out.

When people are incredibly stupid in thrillers. The police said this is a dangerous psycho, but the I am the only one who can catch him, and I'm not going to tell anyone. Then my friend/a random gets killed because of this.
When a hero has the most amazing peni, that gives incredible orgasms straight away
people who just need to get a grip - I want to shout at them through the pages

I also hate present tense especially when the narrator gets into a real mess of tenses talking about things that happened in the past. “I gaze out of the window and ponder that conversation I had with the murderer yesterday, when he said he murdered my rabbit. “Yes,” he had said “I did murder your rabbit. It screamed as it died” Tears had poured down my cheeks I think as I stare at the falling rain”.
Also hate lack of attention to time passing - when grandparents ages don’t make sense with the ages of their children and grandchildren for example. Or (often in fantasy) everyone treats certain events as happening in the almost mythological past, or think certain things are basically how society has always been and have forgotten the previous regime, when they actually only happened 10-15 years ago.

Stories in which the main character starts a new life after a tragedy, then within minutes of her arrival in her new location she has some sort of confrontational misunderstanding with a tall handsome stranger.

I just can't help thinking: 'Oh not this old plotline again'!

Agree, Americanisms in so called British books, but also the other way around. Books set in the US that are clearly written by a British person. Lee Child managed to do this well so why can't other people?

Unviable businesses like cupcake shops or cafes. You'd have to sell a lot of cupcakes to cover the rent of the premises!

Books that start off promisingly intriguing but the author doesn't deliver a plausible/ satisfying ending. I have read way too many of these recently.

And Stephen King - the children in all his books, including those published in the last few years, have 1960's/70's names. Other than the black children, who have very stereotypically black names. Why can't he google a popular names list?!

I read that the Christie book I'm reading was her last one, and that was declining mentally, but there's a bit in it where a woman says to her husband, " I received a letter from Betty, our adopted daughter, yesterday."

Yes a man wouldn't recognise his own's daughter's name.

Yes! "I think I know who killed him." The main character then asks them to tell them later over dinner in the pub. Meanwhile of course the first person dies.

Over lockdown we read a lot, lots of kindle unlimited(too stingy to pay for books when we could get lots for the subscription).

Lots of young single mums who find themselves falling for the stranger who just happens to turn out to be an ex special forces billionaire.

Lots of young women having sex with strangers, finding themselves pregnant and discovering that the stranger is a billionaire who adores them (even though it may only have been a one night stand).

People's names changing, Linda does something, two chapters later it's referred to but Mary did it.

I know publishers don’t have a lot of money for proper proofreading now but I get so annoyed by factual errors that could have been spotted by a good read through. Eg something happening on a Friday and then next day kids go off to school, or a minor character’s name changing. The sort of thing I can see an author in full narrative steam not thinking of when writing but being picked up after the event by a second pair of eyes.

Recently read a book where the main character’s sad look in the mirror at her unattractive lanky self was rather contradicted in the next chapter when she is described as short and curvy.

I hate common sense defying fine motor skills, "she picked the lock deftly with her one free pinky"

I am reading these a bit perplexed! It sounds as if many of these issues stem from reading very poor quality literature?

@BigFatLiar yes this! I read a book in which the name of the private investigator randomly changed for one chapter only. Didn't anyone proofread it?!

@Purpleavocado and agree with you on names that don't fit with when the novel is set. So distracting.

People who haven’t done the most cursory research about schools - from the top of my head in recent books I’ve read there’s been:

A 12-year-old in primary school
A woman who gave up her (non-teaching) job when her son was born, then when he started school decided to get a job at his school as a teacher. Just like that.
A contemporary novel with a man the same age as me thinking back fondly to “the fourth form” - well I was in Year 10 and it had been called that for a few years at that point!
Also people sitting O-levels way after GCSEs came in.
Students ALWAYS have “double French” etc. I’ve taught for 20 years and never encountered double lessons on a timetable!
Teachers getting appointed on the basis of informal interviews a week before the start of term (ok this might happen but it’s certainly not the norm!)
Teachers walking into school on their first day on the job at the same time as the students are arriving!
Teachers going for breakfast in a cafe because they have a free period first lesson.

All real examples from recent books! I dread to think how medical or legal staff feel!

I am reading these a bit perplexed! It sounds as if many of these issues stem from reading very poor quality literature?
Ha ha so Mumsnet. Nothing wrong with a bit of pulp fiction.

Last book I read, think it was called Forever Home had our heroine padding accross the room by Chapter One. Its incidently probably the worst book I have ever read.

Books where the heroine inherits tumbledown cottage that has been derelict for a hundred years, usually Devon or Cornwall. She arrives and by nightfall has a roaring log fire going and something delicious bubbling on the ancient Aga, our heroine is relaxing by the said fire sipping red wine. Always red wine never white.

Any description of a character that goes something like:- "Helena gazed into the mirror at her huge, wide set violet eyes with flecks of green. Oh if only her nose with a light smattering of freckles didn't turn up at the end like that! Reaching for a hairbrush she attempted to tug it through her wild auburn curls but helplessly gave it up as a bad job after a few moments..."

SHOW DON'T TELL and I will decide for myself what "Helena" looks like thanks very much! Clever writing will help me see her the way you want me to, not these bash the reader over the head descriptions!

We had loads of double lessons at secondary school. Much more productive actually.

Clearly there is a lot wrong with it, if it's so poorly written, implausible and internally inconsistent.