What are your book pet peeves?

[AlpacaTheBags]

What tropes or clichés annoy you in books?

I have so many but one is when the main character is at risk so they move far away to make a new life where no one will be able to connect them to their past. Good plan but they always go to some tiny coastal or rural village(Population 150) and buy or rent the most well known and distinctive building in the place(Usually a potter's or lobster fisherman's cottage.)

And then when the villain inevitably catches up with them, they always run towards the cliffs to have their final encounter. I don't know why because you can guarantee that at least one of them is going over the cliff.

Agree with the post about American translations. The whole point of a good translation is that you don’t notice it, and feel like you’re directly accessing what the author has written. As a British reader and Americanism popping up in Tsarist Russia, for example, is intrusive and immediately breaks the spell. Presumably it’s the same for American readers. I don’t think one English language translation is enough when English is so different around the world.

My big beef is novels that have clearly been written with a global readership in mind. So a Nigerian author not just having their character go about their business in a way that make sense to a Nigerian readership, but highlighting and explaining things to cater to a foreign audience. So copious references to food, for example, along the lines of ‘the air was filled with the aroma of jollof rice, the delicious seasoned rice dish so beloved in West Africa”. No need to spoon feed us (no pun intended) - write naturally and if I’m not sure what something is I’ll Google it.

The worst I read was The Bastard of Istanbul - in the first few pages the main character had ticked off all the major tourist sites. It was like reading a novel set in London where the protagonist’s walk to work takes in Big Ben, Buckingham Palace and Leicester Square.

Also books called The [Quirky Profession] of [City somewhere between Central Europe and the Middle East] a la:

The Beekeeper of Belgrade
The Carpet Weaver of Isfahan
The Glassblower of Ljubljana
Etc.

Male writers trying to speak from a woman's POV and failing spectacularly. See: sex, putting on/taking off clothes, role in the workplace, type of car, relationship with family members, having opinions. I have read too many books by men who have NO FUCKING IDEA how a woman thinks.

Yes, and by page two we've had a detailed description of her breasts as well ...

To be fair, 'The Duty Solicitor of Barrow-in-Furness' doesn't have quite the same ring to it.

The Nurse of Prestatyn
The Data Analyst of Sunderland
The Receptionist of Chipping Sodbury

It's just not the same.

Oh, those are crying out to be written. I'd buy them!

home for tragical kittens

The word ‘deftly’ grinds my gears for some reason.
Also, overuse of the word ‘exquisite’. It doesn’t add meaning whatsoever for me or give me any kind of detail of what something looks like.
And all pretentious similes.

I agree with padding. Only ever women at night going to the kitchen or loo.

Also can't stand dialogue where you can't tell who's saying what and have to keep going back and working it out.

Well yes, but I also hate when two characters chatting on their own keep using each others named so you know who's talking.

Mark, I need to ask you about the presidential visit.

But Maisie, you know that's top secret.

But I'm afraid she's being targeted, Mark.

I know, Maisie, but our security detail will take care of it.

I hope you're right Mark.

The Duty Solicitor of Barrow-in-Furness

I would read that. It sounds like something Simenon would have written.

’Downy softness’ AKA pubic hair. Because apparently vulvas are covered in duckling feathers. Regular, coarse, curly pubes seem to be a literary no no.

A good writer doesn't need to do that though, they don't even need to keep writing said Mark or Maisie said, is it Dan Brown who does that loads?

If they use speech marks and a line return when a new character speaks then use occasional bits of narrative to keep the reader on track it is fine.

The phrase "like so many"

Like so many starlings in the sky
Like so many blossom petals fluttering in the breeze.

Speaking of translations and Americanisms, I'm American, and I really dislike publishers doing American English versions of British novels for consumers in the States. They used to do that for one of my favorite mystery writers, and I would go to the trouble to order the books from the UK to avoid things like sweater for jumper, etc. They stopped doing it several years ago, thankfully.

Me too, any day.

God rot the people writing all the "The Ostrich Fluffer's Daughter" and "The Vellum-Stretcher's Wife" type books. How come it's never men? Holding my breath for "The Otter Botherer's Husband" and "The Pendulum Tweaker's Son in Law".

I agree with padding. Only ever women at night going to the kitchen or loo.

They also need to be wearing the shirt of the man they've just shagged and looking adorably dishevelled.

@JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon Yes! The previews. Hate hate hate them - settling in for a nice juicy plot resolution and suddenly it's all snatched away

I once went to put on the top of the man I'd just shagged to pad walk to the bathroom, he asked me what I was doing 😂

I read a lot of probably not very good psychological/domestic thriller type books. Honestly in almost every one I've read lately someone chews the inside of their cheek when they are stressed or worried. I don't even understand what that means, I've tried to do it and it's just weird, I've never seen anyone else do it either! It's so odd.

Also there is a trend for shocking things 'stealing' peoples breath just now. Such a weird way to put it.

The main one is stuff that could so easily be googled but the author couldn't be arsed. In one book recently they were pureeing vegetables for a two year old. Just google what kids eat! And things to do with medical events/pregnancy are often incorrect when a quick google could provide the right information.

Lip biting! I forgot about lip biting. Woman bites her lip; man watches and wishes he was doing the biting. Gently, I presume, unless he's Hannibal Lecter.

I bite my lips, but it's more about chewing the hard skin off them and I assume that's less alluring. Either that, or I've been a sexpot hussy all along.

I’m reading a book right now where everyone starts drinking their tea or coffee the moment they’re put in front of them. Practically straight from the kettle.

And any book that has children doing madly age inappropriate things. If you don’t have any children, or had them so long ago you can’t remember, ask someone!

I went to high school between 1998 and 2003. We had six hourly lessons a day and also doubles. Sometimes even back to back doubles. Double PE followed by double science was a doozy x_x

We also had a Week A schedule and a Week B schedule which alternated throughout the year.

Never encountered double languages though thank goodness.

I studied Creative Writing at university and our lecturers actually banned us from reading Dan Brown books as they are so poorly written 😂

A good writer doesn't need to do that though, they don't even need to keep writing said Mark or Maisie said, is it Dan Brown who does that loads?

No Jesus*, in that case it was Jacqueline Winspear, and also the one I'm reading now by Nicola Upson. So not Jane Austen, but it's very widespread. The editors should stamp on it.

• I did that on purpose Jesus^ ^I can't stop now Jesus