@Number3BigCupOfTea
Im white but the sort of feminism i care about is safety for women in the law, supports for the poorest women, refuges and womens aid and legal aid being accessible, supports to access training, removing obstacles to financial independence, affordable childcare etc
I read "white tears brown scars" and i dont understand how "my" feminism is harming anybody or how feminism differs for white women and women of colour.
I see there are extra obstacles for black women, but to not identify with feminism because it doesnt also take race in to account is hard to understand.
Why do some black women not identify with feminism? Why do they consider it white?
I haven't read the book, but I can address your question from a UK personal perspective.
White feminist organising tends to involve a hierarchy of thinking about the 'freedoms' western women have achieved, and which the rest of the world is lacking. I never went into activist spaces as a black Muslim woman, I went as a woman. I never made assumptions about the (white) women in those spaces, but realised cultural assumptions were being made about me which subordinated me and I have come away very much aware of my 'difference' which makes me unlikely to enter such spaces again.
For example, people would preface any interaction with 'I hate all religions but...' 'I don't agree with hijab, I think it's blah blah blah, but so long as you choose to wear it that's fine.' Well thank you very much for your permission 
This, when the topic under discussion had nothing to do with religion or dress.
Imagine if I came into the space saying, 'I hate all atheism and secularism but I'm prepared to talk to you people in spite of that' ??
It's as though they feel their feminism will be tainted by association unless they make their positions very clear. It certainly doesn't create a welcoming environment. It's not about listening to my needs, but more about the oppression they imagine we face from Muslim men, which more often than not comes from non-Muslim women in the workplace and other public spaces.
Other issues to contend with when navigating white activist spaces is being made the face of diversity, but finding no one actually wants to know what you think. Dare to open your mouth and you're labelled ungrateful.
People assuming I can relate to certain groups better than they can or that I can speak for certain groups is another common misconception. e.g. Black working class women, or Muslim women from other countries. Sure, I can relate to both on some level, but so can they.
I've seen the threads in FWR and BMN, but the former did not feel like a safe space to post this in. Maybe the latter, but I wanted to try to answer Number3's question.
Congratulations on your move OP, and sorry if this derailed.