steve biddulph - misogynist bully?

[workstostaysane]

half way through 'raising babies' he seems to be a big fat bully to me.
anyone else??

I'd find it terrifying and a huge failure to imagine that I'd be so detached from my child that I wouldn't pick up on bullying. I know it happens, my DH is fuelling these fears (I come from a culture in which bullying wasn't such a rite-of-passage as it seems to be here) and, yes, I do worry. But it wouldn't be because he went to nursery or I went to work. I think that's all I can say so far. He's been happy so far and we have a good relationship so far. I don't know what the future holds but it would be idiotic to think it's because of his past so far when there are no signs of it. I mean i'm sure there's some school of thought somewhere that can track future behaviour back to what happenned in the womb or some such but i'll ignore that.

Regarding being there for everything. Of course I want to be part of his life but I don't own him and I don't police him. I am glad to have been there for his first smile, first steps etc but who's to say he didn't try those first steps when my back was turned or he didn't first smile at someone else? I am glad to have ticked those boxes and others but I didn't obsess as much about them with my DD for example.

cristina, where are you from? I'm really curious now

Ruty - would you purposefully delay having another child (if you'd planned to) until your first reaches 3 because of this one-to-one care? It's a genuine question.

Franca - I'm from Romania. Plenty of bad parenting examples, I know, but not on the whole an overly screwed-up nation or not because of nurseries. There's plenty more to take your pick from. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, SB.

No, not at all, I don't feel that she neglected me. Neglect would imply a lack of love, and there wasn't that. In fact I suspect she'd be devastated if she knew what I am saying here. But there were times when she couldn't be there for me and I got used to that. That's not to say I think she shouldn't have worked, she has a gift in her field and has acheived so much. She'd probably have been very unhappy as a SAHM. But I am determined that my dcs won't have to manage to deal with emotional problems on their own, if I can help it, and I am sure that if I had to work there would be times when I couldn't be there for them - it's inevitable. At least by being a SAHM (for as long as funds allow) I can try to avoid that happening, a bit. Interestingly my mum worked longer and longer when I was a teen but I needed her probably more than when I was younger.

Nearlythree - I get what you mean now about missing things, I thought you referred to baby milestones. I don't know how things will turn out when DS is older or a teenager. We'll work it out together (with DH too).

sorry if i chose the wrong word (english not my first language ), nearlythree.

I think at least parents are aware of bullying these days and take it seriously - working or not it's something we all keep an eye out for.

Franca, I don't have a word for it so I don't see why you should!

i kind of have delayed it Christina but more because i'm dreading going back into hospital after the last terrible experience [tho something lovely came out of it of course]having another baby when/if we do will definitely be a challenge to ds's sense of ownership of me but i think in a good way. He will have another family member who hopefully he will form a loving attachment to for life. I think small groups are fine - my beef is with big commercial nurseries where the quality varies, and in the case of the nursery we walk past every day, the primary carers are bored 17 year old girls. I agree with Franca that the quality of nurseries needs to be improved in the UK.

Christina my dh is from Macedonia. He went to nursery from 6 months old full time. He doesn't feel he was adversely affected by this. His nieces both go to nursery. They are happy little girls. I just don't think one size fits all. I had a lot of problems with ds when he was very small - he was a very, very angry little baby who didn't sleep at all - and we both had a nasty experience in the hospital. i went with my gut in the decisions i have made for him and me - and i feel for us it is the right decision.

Cristina, I see what you mean. actually, as far as my country is concerned, probably nurseries (both those for underthrees and for 3 to 6) are the only bit that's working well in the care and school system...

'my DS is now 7 and I can stick two fingers up at any research because I have no fears regarding his future emotional wellbeing.'

who said 'give me the child until he is seven and i will show you the man'? (i think its the jesuits actually)
i certainly expect to know who my child will be by the time she's 7. i realise she's only 7 months now so i could well be talking out my arse, but i reckon them jesuits know a thing or three.

anyway, my final question about la biddulph: can you recycle books?

Recycle as in "Secrets of ..." and then "More secrets of ..."?