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Share the little things you do as parent to be in with a chance of winning a £100 Spabreaks voucher + a copy of Happy by Fearne Cotton

102 replies

SorchaMumsnet · 15/02/2017 10:44

Nobody’s perfect, but when it comes to parenting we often give ourselves a hard time, doubting whether we are doing a good job as we juggle everything life throws at us. It's something Fearne Cotton talks about in her new book, Happy, and to celebrate, Orion want to hear about the little things you do as a parent.

For many of us, life can feel like it's moving too fast, with pressure bearing down on us from all sides - whether that's from work, family or social media. As a result, we find ourselves frazzled, and – too often – feeling blue.

It's a subject close to Fearne's heart. Drawing on her own experiences, and including expert advice, Happy offers practical ways of finding joy each and every day. With workbook elements such as written exercises, simple practical ideas, and visualisations, Happy is full of tricks and reminders to help you start and end the day well, get in touch with your creative side and unlock that inner happiness.

To be in with a chance of winning a copy of Happy plus a £100 Spabreaks voucher (valid at over 700 spas), just tell us about the little things you do each day that make you a perfect parent, just the way you are.

This discussion is sponsored by Orion and will close at midday on 15 March

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Share the little things you do as parent to be in with a chance of winning a £100 Spabreaks voucher + a copy of Happy by Fearne Cotton
Share the little things you do as parent to be in with a chance of winning a £100 Spabreaks voucher + a copy of Happy by Fearne Cotton
OP posts:
Pamaga · 21/02/2017 07:38

There are enough people out there who will knock their confidence. Ensure you always give them positive messages about themselves. "I am proud of you" reinforces when and as appropriate. Say "love you" every time you say goodbye - at the school gates, as they go out to play with friends...- it is a lifetime's habit.

strumpetmay · 21/02/2017 07:56

By no means am I perfect but I've always tried to raise my children to be confident, I was painfully shy as a child and would never leave my mums side, if we went on a school trip I'd be convinced my mum and dad would move house and be gone when I returned, this and being shy has really held me back, my children have the confidence to leave me for trips or camps away without so much of a murmur because they know in their hearts mum will be there for them when they return to hear all about what adventures they have got up to.

webster147 · 21/02/2017 08:25

I let my children be themselves and always take time to listen to any worries they may have.

B3nnyB0y · 21/02/2017 09:21

By day I manage a team of 70 across the country. Work takes me away from the kids a lot so I take my little moments where I can.

Basically this involves being a horse. Soon as I get through the door "be a horse daddy!"

Makes them happy, kills my knees

Emrob86 · 21/02/2017 09:26

I try to get past tantrums quickly! :D I would love to read this book!

SpartaCarcass · 21/02/2017 11:06

Keep the children alive ... day after day.

jammy388 · 21/02/2017 14:44

Remembering to care for myself too so that I am in the best place to care for others.

nushcar · 21/02/2017 15:49

I listen and try to keep my word when I say I will do something or be somewhere as much as I can. I explain as I am going along and let them know all about my mistakes and what learnt from them. Being perfect rarely comes play as far as parenting goes!

pontosj16 · 21/02/2017 22:11

I choose not to have a smartphone so I am not tempted to be on it all the time! I reduced my hours at work as they got older - they seem to need you more, or at least in different ways, when they hit their teens and it seems important to be around to listen etc. I read somewhere that if you want your children to turn out well spend twice as much time and half as much money on them; that seemed a good maxim to me (the half as much money now essential!)

Givemecoffeeplease · 22/02/2017 09:10

Lovely ideas here. I feel like not eating my kid's pain au chocolate is a pretty good way to be perfect, but I still think perfectly imperfect is a better aspiration. Let's try to be good enough. Phones down, pay them attention, and have a giggle.

gemmie797 · 22/02/2017 20:43

I tell funny stories and they know they are loved

SuzCG · 23/02/2017 11:24

I'm not perfect and did struggle with this in the beginning of being a Mum, cause I am or was a real perfectionist. I came to understand that I don't have to be perfect - the kids don't know the rules of this game either, there's no instructions! I just need to be the best that I can be and try my hardest.

I think the best things I've done for them are talking to them all the time about all kinds of things, really listening to them and being interested in the things they are, encouraging them to think for themselves and including them as much as possible in making decisions and enriching their lives with experiences rather than stuff/things.

RunningKatie · 23/02/2017 20:53

My DH tells me I'm a brilliant mummy and so often I doubt it myself.

However, I try to always greet them every morning with a cuddle and a kiss, and every night I creep into their rooms to kiss them as they sleep.

I love catching them out and making them laugh with joy, today I tipped a bag of fake snow out in the kitchen and got a sledge out. They played in there for hours Smile

user1468245957 · 24/02/2017 15:45

No such thing as a "perfect parent",only one that tries their best-the little sprogs don't come with a manual.

Hopezibah · 24/02/2017 21:34

Perfect parenting for me is actually taking a step back and seeing the bigger picture - for us as parents we are so often in the thick of it as we are the ones dealing with all the daily parenting chores, prepping meals, changing nappies, doing the school run and by the end of all that we are too knackered for the quality time.

So taking a moment - literally a minute or two sometimes - to just observe rather than 'do' all the time has made me appreciate things about my children that i would never have noticed.

I even remember really clearly the very first moment i had this realisation - My eldest was nearly 2 at the time and he had gone out in granny's garden to 'help' refill the bird seed. As I watched him hold one end of the box filled with the bird seed and with all his might help carry it along - i noticed that it was the first time i had actually stopped for a moment to just observe - how he was walking - how his speech was coming along- his little smile and proud face of helping. Although i had always been the type of parent who would (and still does) drop everything to spend time with my children, I would normally still be the one 'doing' and not observing - so this was quite a learning experience for me in the importance of that stepping back and observing and appreciating.

I have been very mindful to do that with 2 and 3 also so that I didn't feel i missed out on those precious moments - I sometimes use my hands as a pretend camera when i'm watching those moments and pretend to take a picture to tell my memory how special that actual moment was!

Angelil · 25/02/2017 17:55

Definitely less screen time and more traditional activities for really high quality family time :)

IWasThere4Aug12 · 26/02/2017 22:22

Taking an interest in things that interest them-currently Pokémon and football

angelicjen · 26/02/2017 22:36

Trying hard to remember the big picture and let the little things go.
For example, my toddler is obsessed with blowing bubbles and likes to dip and hold the wand himself. This means both of us get covered in dripping bubble mixture. My instinctive response would be to take it off him, moan about the mess, be a massive kill joy. But I focus on his look of pure joy and remind myself how important this is compared to a bit of mess. (On his new coat. And my new boots. Aaaaargh)

CordeliaScott · 27/02/2017 14:03

I don't think that there is such a thing as perfect parenting. I try my best and tell myself that they won't remember these years when they're grown up anyway (DD is 2 and DS is 10 months).

As I work long hours, I try to give them my full attention in the time that I see them awake, rather than be distracted by technology. Although I still feel guilty when I realise I have missed something else, like the fact that they can now crawl properly, rather than commando style along the floor.

dannydog1 · 06/03/2017 20:23

Time to do things, talking, laughing and listening. Love and hugs.

AutumnBlossom · 09/03/2017 22:33

It's important to me to discipline my children in a proactive way. To some it may sound like total mumbo jumbo, but I don't believe that screaming, shouting or smacking work. It's the parent essentially venting their anger at their children.

So I seek to explain to them why their behaviour is negative, what impact their behaviour has for everyone involved. What behaviours I expect to see from them going forward, what will happen should they repeat the negative behaviour. Usually there's a punishment, but it's usually a letter saying sorry to the person(s) affected, plus a verbal apology. Other examples are electronics bans, or reduced/no treats that week.

I believe if you explain why they've behaved inappropriately, it actually sinks in. If you put it to them, how would you feel if someone did that to you, get them to really think why it's wrong, how you should behave how you expect others to behave. Then the apology plus or minus sanction, in the time taken off toys they can put effort into making a nice card, which is a nice lasting way of saying I respect you, I'm really sorry, it won't happen again. It's rare they repeat a bad behaviour, but if they do they know the sanction will be worse.

I've seen others scream at the kids, so parent is red faced and raging, the child responds with tears, I feel it teaches them that if someone does something wrong that's appropriate. The same with hitting, I don't agree with it because it doesn't achieve anything.

An example, one of my DC at a friends house on being picked up said something truly nasty. I apologised profusely and asked them to come with me immediately. I then explained this is meant to be your best friend, if they said that to you how would you feel. DC went out of their way to apologise ASAP and buy a nice present out of their pocket money to say sorry. Just so it doesn't leave their memory, I will say a few further times that I was really disappointed. My DC always get the opportunity to explain themselves, usually their reasoning can be slightly flawed so they'll be told why what they thought was wrong.

We start this quite young so it's consistent for both children. They generally appear to be remorseful. I will get the stuff they need to make a card, write a note, I'll sit by them whilst they're doing it.

DS misbehaved once in Reception, so he made a card with my help to say sorry. The parents appreciated it to. It shows the affected persons it's taken seriously.

The only time I've shouted, only twice to my recollection, was when they were in a world of their own and not paying attention to their surroundings. But it was a quick shout of name, to get their attention, tell them, be careful you're near a hot oven messing about, then explain, but no apology note. Just a reiteration of why they needed to be careful, plus suggestions to bear in mind.

I probably sound like a right Crunchy Mum. I would feel bad in myself for shouting, under no terms should they ever be hit. The sooner bad behaviours are addressed the better.

Clawdy · 12/03/2017 22:47

What we call "having five minutes". It's just sitting down with a child on your knee, usually in the rocking chair, and singing silly made up songs, usually about them! Always seems to calm them down, if they're tearful or over-excited.

Polyanthus · 14/03/2017 07:29

Finding or making time to listen and talk to them. Now they are teenagers this is still just as important but I need to find/make time differently. Driving just one of them somewhere is probably the time when I've had some of the best chats and found out most about what's going on in their lives but they still like me to come and visit at bedtime and have a chat perched on their bed.

NauticalDisaster · 14/03/2017 12:13

If they are fed, washed, in clean clothes, we've been outside for exercise, and read at least one book then it's a winning day!

sharond101 · 15/03/2017 10:30

Doing my best in every way, putting them first, saying sorry, letting them speak, listening, being spontaneous, encouraging them, praising them, being a good role model....