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Share with us your experiences of long-distance relationships for a chance to win a copy of THE TURNING POINT plus a COUPLES EXPERIENCE WORTH £100

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UrsulaMumsnet · 21/03/2016 12:22

Life is short. Sometimes you have to take a chance.

Two single parents, Frankie and Scott, meet unexpectedly. Their homes are far apart: Frankie lives with her children on the North Norfolk coast, Scott in the mountains of British Columbia. Yet though thousands of miles divide them, a million little things connect them. A spark ignites, a recognition so strong that it dares them to take a risk.

For two families, life is about to change. But no-one could have anticipated how.

With almost 300 5 star reviews online, readers and critics are falling in love with The Turning Point :

‘Keep the tissues close…a gripping love story’ Good Housekeeping

Share with us your experiences of long-distance relationships and one lucky poster will win a copy of The Turning Point plus one of 17 Virgin couples experiences

Find out more about Freya North, author of fourteen bestselling novels, on Facebook, Twitter and her website.

This discussion is sponsored by Harper Collins

Share with us your experiences of long-distance relationships for a chance to win a copy of THE TURNING POINT plus a COUPLES EXPERIENCE WORTH £100
Share with us your experiences of long-distance relationships for a chance to win a copy of THE TURNING POINT plus a COUPLES EXPERIENCE WORTH £100
Share with us your experiences of long-distance relationships for a chance to win a copy of THE TURNING POINT plus a COUPLES EXPERIENCE WORTH £100
OP posts:
tomatoIzzy · 23/03/2016 14:30

I met my husband 15 years ago when we both worked in a small town in the USA. My husband was only on an internship and needed to return to his country to finish his studies. I visted him and he visited me for two years until he finally got a permanant job in the USA and we got married. We have lived all over due to his work, three seperate times in the UK, twice in the US since we married, twice in Brazil and once in Chile. He also worked short contracts during that time and would sometimes be away for 2-3 months at a time to places like Iran, Nigeria, Norway and Ireland. He finally left his engineering and two years ago we moved permantly to his home country and bought a farm. We now live in a small town in Brazil where he grew up. He still does contracts every so often if a good one comes along as we are currently building a house so at the moment he is spending 2 months in Angola which will give us the money to complete the house and put some money into the farm.
Living away from each other has made our relationship stronger and we appreciate the time we have to do mundane stuff. We have 4 children.

Signoritawhocansway · 23/03/2016 16:44

O lived in Cornwall, he lived in the Midlands. I workef shifts, he was at uni. I drove there and back in a day just to see him. He would come down on the train, with romantic meetings at the station. We talked on the phone every day, and even wrote letters. We did the long distance thing for three months, then I moved up north to be with him. Did it work out? Yes, after 18 months he proposed and we got married nine months later. Now nearly nine years down the line, I still smile at it all.

FeedMyFaceWithJaffaCakes · 23/03/2016 17:58

Me and my wonderful DP have been LDR for five years after meeting whilst travelling. Now he's relocated and we've just bought a house together and got engaged SmileSmileGrinWink

DartmoorDoughnut · 23/03/2016 19:50

We weren't that far apart when we met, only a hour or so, but my - now! - DH was in the army so we've had plenty of days/weeks & months apart. Whilst he was on his last tour in Afghanistan I wrote to him every other day about all the day to day mundane things I was doing which helped keep us connected and I lived for a brief 3 minute call every few weeks. It wasn't exactly fun but getting through that has made normal life far easier!

LetMeBe · 23/03/2016 20:47

I met this handsome guy online from London and I was living in the midlands at the time with my family. Always was fascinated with the big smoke so thought why not you never know so after a few weeks of talking/emailing he asked me to be his date at his friends engagement party.
From then on id drive down every fri to be with him for the weekend this lasted one year and then transferred my job to London so got to see him even more and things got serious I was thinking of telling my parents about him which didn't go to plan. As I fell pregnant! We got married a few months later and welcomed our baby boy later in the year. We are now proud parents of 2 lovely children and looking forward to our 5th wedding anniversary this year xxx

murkylurker · 23/03/2016 21:33

I met my husband whilst backpacking in Australia (such a cliche, i know!), and we long distanced for about a year before he took the plunge and moved over here. I have to say it was an incredible leap of faith on his part as we had only been together for 2 months prior to me leaving to carry on travelling before returning home. Although it sounds super intense, in a way a long distance relationship is a great way to get to know someone at the beginning of a relationship. You have nothing but long skype calls where there are no phones or friends distracting you, just pure hours of conversation! I think it is a silver lining in an otherwise crap cloud.

DaleTremont · 23/03/2016 23:35

We met in Munich during a long hot summer, he was a friend of a friend and we got super friendly one night in the local park Wink

Off he went to sail around the world, and came back in the long, cold winter. Too cold to go outside now, so he bunked in with me, and that was that really.

He kept on sailing a few more years, I lived here there and everywhere and sailed a bit too, and somewhere in the middle we got married and had a child.

There's no more sailing away now and we put down roots, but I still have the airmail letters he sent all those years ago. The postcards and the Valentines and the photos and the memories of the handsome engineering officer stepping out to meet me in Aruba, in Barcelona, in Venice.

Hygge · 24/03/2016 07:31

We have a long distance marriage.

My husband is in the forces, and we don't live near his base so he travels home at weekends, or he is away for weeks and months at a time.

It's been like that since we met, he would come home at weekends, and he met me at a friend's house when he came home one weekend and his parents had gone on holiday without telling him. He couldn't get into their house so went to see his best friend (who was living with my best friend) to ask if he could stay with them for the night, and I was there. We got talking and it felt like we would never run out of things to say.

He asked if he could call me during the week, I didn't expect him to call but he did, and that was the start of our long distance relationship.

We even had a long distance marriage proposal, by accident over the telephone, and had to wait five days to see each other afterwards. We were married seventeen weeks later, and in that seventeen weeks he was sent away for several weeks, we both came down with chicken pox, and we only had weekends to organise things, but it was a lot of fun all the same.

Three weeks after we got married, we moved into our married quarter, and two days later he was sent abroad for six months.

Even when he was back, he wasn't always based where our married quarter was, and our relationship was still long distance, so we eventually bought a house in our home town and now he travels to and from home from wherever he is based.

It's worked for us for fifteen years now, we make it work with lots of phone calls, texts, emails, Facebook, notes left in work bags, even chalked messages on the kitchen wall (if he leaves while we are sleeping there's often a heart or a message drawn on the blackboard wall for us to wake up to).

I think having to live long distance makes us appreciate the time we have together more and more. It's not easy, and it's not for everybody, but if you have love and trust then you make it work and it can be a lot of fun.

MindfulBear · 24/03/2016 13:09

DH and I have been together for more than 12 years and Over a 4 year period We had a long distance marriage. In fact it happened twice 2 - for more than 12-18 months each time.
We lived in different hemispheres from each other both times and the first time we were childless and footloose and fancy free and saw each other every other weekend. It was a fabulous time for both of us whilst I pursued my career in London and he his. I loved my time on my own as a single girl about time. It was like being young again, but with money!! Of course I worked hard and partied harder!!!!
Unfortunately DH was offered the job a week after we decided we were old enough to start a family. After 9 months we decided it was going to be difficult to achieve this within our current lifestyle so I applied a sabbatical from my job, once I had achieved a promotion I had been after. Amusingly we must have conceived the weekend after that application went in!! Therefore my 3 month conception holiday was not to be! I still took the planned sabbatical as I didn't want to jinx the pregnancy but it was quite q different 3 month break to the one planned!

I returned to the uk and we returned to seeing one another every other weekend and we had DC1. I hired a doula in case DH was unable to make the birth but he was there & she coached him through it.

DH started commuting weekly which was a drain for all of us but we survived. He eventually returned home on a full time basis 3 months after pfb was born.

When pfb was 18mo I was offered a job - in the same city DH had worked!! We jumped at the chance. We arrived in the Southern Hemisphere a month before pfb's 1st birthday to find a beautiful sunny city with a great climate. DH had not found a role there yet so commuted back to London for 6 months, joining us 1 week in 3. Pfb and I had a fabulous time personally and professionally but we missed DH. He was unable to find work so in the end we called the assignment to an end before the initial 2 year contract was up.

Was a fabulous experience and I do enjoy time on my own and the getting back together but it is hard on kids and there is a danger a couple will drift apart as they pursue different interests and develop different friendships. Of course I was in a country which was child friendly and affordable domestic help was available on tap.

Would I do it again? Yes, but not with so much distance between us!! 2 or 3 or 4 nights away should be the maximum length of time regularly apart at a time to maintain a happy family. I would also only do it again with plenty of domestic support - a full time (live in) housekeeper / nanny would be a necessity!!

iwantavuvezela · 24/03/2016 13:15

I am married, this year for 11 years, to my long distance relationship, and we have a 9 year old child now. We met, lived on different continents, and dated for 2 years, before I packed up, and moved to be with him in the UK. It was hard living apart, but we learnt to communicate, and grew to appreciate the small pleasures of just been together when we would get together. It's not for everyone, there was lots of longing and missing each other, but it worked for us.

purplepandas · 24/03/2016 17:27

Mine was a usual uni one that did not last sadly. Probably more to do with the change from home to uni experience than long term relationships specifically though.

Kleptronic · 24/03/2016 20:33

Mine was supposed to be a confidence-boosting fling after my marriage broke up, ironically I was left for a long-distance 'other woman'. It didn't last, what a shame.

My flingee had chucked his job and was going round the Southern Hemisphere for a year after his own breakup. I had known him as a colleague and suggested we get back on the horse together before he flew away. We had an intense 6 weeks, then wrote and sent postcards, emailed texted and phoned, and were generally overblown and giddy about each other.

He lasted 4 months away and came back at Christmas time. He struggled to find work and then got a job...300 miles away. Deep joy. Another year of long distance, but at least it was in this country, and it was actually a very good thing, as we needed to process where we'd been and where we wanted to go.

Now it's five years later and we're engaged. Even though we are together, we're still semi-detatched because I work days and he works evenings. It means when we are together we pay attention and are pleased to see each other, and I like the self-reliance being apart brings too. Plus when one of us dies, the other will be ok! ;)

VoldysGoneMouldy · 24/03/2016 21:54

I've had two long distance relationships. Both worked quite well. The difficulty was working out communication, because our lives were working to different tunes; when I was at work, he was off. When he was at work, I was studying. That kind of thing.

The hardest part was arguing with that distance. Knowing that you'd have to resolve it over the phone, or not, and that the only time for a face to face discussion was likely to be your only time together in person for several weeks, and not wanting that ruined. The flip side of that is that of course the time you do have together feells more special because you're not seeing that person every day. Their habits don't drive you bonkers because you're not around them enough.

Neither of the relationships ended purely because of the distance, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a contributing factor with both. It was very hard work. That said am still on talking terms with one of them, and the other one, we just drifted out of touch.

I completely admire those that have done it for years - I don't think I could do that.

KarenCBC · 25/03/2016 00:51

I think the key is having an end in sight and not doing it for too long. I've had 2 relationships like this. One just went on and on and on and on being long distance, many, many years. We ended up resenting each other. The other is now my husband. We knew it was only for a certain period of time so made it work.

Maddaddam · 25/03/2016 09:58

We had been together a year or so in the UK, but I had a long term plan to travel in Central America and teach English. I'd done the TEFL course, learned Spanish, and didn't want to give up this plan but DP was not keen to live in Central America.

So I went to Guatemala and found a job, he stayed in the UK. For 6 months we just had letters and the occasional phone call or email (there was not good internet access in Guatemala at the time). We weren't sure whether to stay together or not. And after a while I had to decide whether to come back to the UK for the relationship, or stay in Guatemala longer term as originally planned.

I came back, we stayed together and 20 years on have 3dc. So it worked. Except, I still regret not having spent longer in Latin America and I am planning to go back after the dc have all finished school. I do resent having come back a bit, I feel that DP should have been more prepared to live there with me at the time pre-kids and when our work was flexible.
We would definitely have split up if I'd stayed longer, 6 months half a world apart was long enough to make that clear. It wasn't as though you could meet up for weekends.

99percentchocolate · 25/03/2016 10:10

Outing myself here but my current relationship started out as long distance.
DP and I met at work and I fell really hard. Unfortunately, despite making it blindingly obvious, he didn't realise how I felt and when he was offered a significant promotion across the country he took it.
At his leaving drinks I was very upset and made a complete fool of myself. He thought I was nuts!
When he left I couldn't not stay in contact and we texted every day, hundreds of times and phoned whenever we had a chance.
He still had no idea I was in love with him.
Eventually, I told him. From then on I would travel to see him every time I had a day off and vice versa. Our bank balances have never quite recovered from the cost of the train travel!
After a few months of this back and forth, we had both fallen so hard that my work agreed to change my shifts so that I could have a couple of days off together every week.
Another few weeks later he asked me to move in with him permanently and a friend of ours running another branch of our company offered me a permanent full-time job with good prospects. I took it and 8 years later we are still together with one DD and DS due in the next few weeks.
Long distance relationships are hard and expensive, but so worth it if they're with the right person.

SuperMumNot · 25/03/2016 12:41

When I was in my 20s I had the chance to go to work in Montreal for two years.
I'd been in a relationship for about 18 months, but had the sense that my boyfriend was keener than I was and besides I didn't want to pass on what I felt was a fab opportunity, so I accepted the job.
Boyfriend was a bit upset, but we both agreed it was the right decision.
A few weeks before I was due to leave the boyfriend phoned me with exciting news - he'd mentioned to his work colleagues that I was moving and his boss had said they'd be willing to move him to their Canadian office for 12 months. He'd jumped at the chance and it had been agreed, but he'd kept it secret as he wanted to surprise me. I was a bit Hmm and Shock but tried to be positive.
"That's great," I said "where will you be based?"
"Just outside Vancouver" he replied. "Is that far from you?"
"About 2200 miles...."

What a loon.

loosechange · 25/03/2016 18:17

I always thought I would love a long distance relationship, the benefits of being in a relationship with the freedom to live my own life most of the time. When now DH moved away with work I hated it, and it was only within UK. We met up when possible, party due to DH driving crazy distances during the week to see me, and DH quit the job before it finishes. Better in theory than in real life.

Theimpossiblegirl · 25/03/2016 21:50

Mine didn't work out, he cheated. But I think that was more about the person he was than the distance. I have known plenty of LDRs that have worked. They have all had a lot more going for them than mine.

ThisToo · 26/03/2016 08:46

24 years ago, when I was just 17, I fell in love with a US service man stationed at the local air base. After less than a year he was moved back to the States and we decided not to go down the LDR road and I went off to uni and we had no contact.

Almost a year went by, the only information I had was the name of the airbase he had been sent to in the US, but I called international directory enquiries who gave me the number and then, from the phone box in my halls of residence, I made the call. A quick conversation with the switchboard and I heard his voice again for the first time in months. That night we spoke for about 4 hours and it was like he'd never left. There was no email or internet so our relationship was rebuilt through letter writing and very expensive phone calls and transatlantic flights.

As soon as he was eligible to leave the service he did and he made the move from California to the UK to be with me. We got married a few weeks after he arrived in the UK and are looking forward to celebrating our 19th wedding anniversary next week Smile

It was really, really tough for the 4 years we maintained the LDR and we often questioned our sanity, but all these years later we have two amazing children and neither of us doubt for a second that we made the right decision. We have worked through many tough times together safe in the knowledge that we are both fully committed to each other and in it for the long run.

forkhandles4candles · 26/03/2016 20:50

I had one, given that I was intermittently living abroad. The best thing about it was the amazing letters, from him to me and vice versa. I still have the ones from him. Important ones from me I photocopied, but I wish I had all my letters. They were like a diary, full of quite embarrassing emotional gush too. All pre email, mobile phone and all that. So these I things I really treasure. I miss not getting love letters. And ones so crafted to woo anx keep wooing over a 1000 km.

ThisToo · 27/03/2016 15:47

Forkhandles I know exactly what you mean about the letters. We still have loads of the ones we wrote in a box in the loft. I could never throw them away.

Mozarmstrong · 02/04/2016 09:00

My boyfriend worked away always Monday's to Friday's so our weekends were all special and always have been.

rhinosuze · 02/04/2016 09:20

I fell for somebody miles away and although we messaged constantly the time difference started to get in the way. When I realised I couldn't see a way for it to work long term (he was also in an unhappy marriage) I was heartbroken. I am grateful though as it opened me up to love and now I have the perfect partner for me

YesThisIsMe · 04/04/2016 16:12

DH and I met at university, but when we graduated he got a job at one end of the country and I went off to do a postgraduate course four hours away by train. Every weekend we used to travel back and forward to each other's pokey little flats. It wasn't too bad for me, because I had an interesting course in a big fun city and a circle of new-found mates from the student societies, but I think it was quite lonely for him in a cold, wet, uninspiring provincial town. Two years on when I'd finished my course I tried and failed to get a job near his workplace and ended up heading to London, so he was left commuting to see me at weekends again. In the end he got a job in London and we've been living together for the last 20-something years. My most vivid recollection is the relief on my boss's face when I told him my boyfriend was finally moving to London. He had been convinced that I was going to pack it in and move back to live with DH. Actually I do have other vivid recollections about weekend relationships, but I'm not going to share them with you lot Blush.