What can we do to protect our children in the digital age? Share your ideas to win £100 Boden voucher and more

[EmilyMumsnet]

It's a question that every parent struggles with - how much freedom do I give my child on the world wide web, and at what age? As one tech CEO put it - today's teenagers are either online, or asleep. But can too much freedom to browse end up causing damage to vulnerable teens?

Fiona Neill's new book, The Good Girl, explores the dangers of social media - how the internet can make teenagers vulnerable, how one mistake can destroy a family forever - look out for our book giveaway of The Good Girl next week.

So what can we do to ensure kids are properly protected in the digital age? Share your ideas and thoughts on this thread and you could win a signed copy of the book and a £100 Boden voucher. There's also three copies of the book for runners-up.

Share your ideas before Monday 17th August for a chance to win. This competition is sponsored by Penguin Random House.

This competition is now closed. Winners will be contacted shortly

It's all about education and not being lazy and allowing them to view unmoderated content.

Personally, I don't think any kid should be allowed near a computer without having an adult sitting with them till they're about 10. And then 'free' use of it at 10 but with parents still in the room.

No matter how much info we ram down their throats, we still need to parent. As the first computer savvy generation growing up we owe it to our kids to rectify the errors that we have made along the way.

We need to our children the tools to cope with any difficult or unpleasant situations that could arise.
Blocking websites and trying to protect them from the world will not work.

Teaching children to respect themselves and others. To not give personal information. To talk to parents about anything that makes them uncomfortable or confused.
Asking what they would do in xyz scenario and discuss why.

It's about two things:

1. Education about the Internet - from basics re personal information to porn, grooming, pretending to be someone else etc.
2. Your general relationship with your kids - in that they know they can come to you/tell you no matter how bad it is. That you will help them and not start going ballistic or imposing sanctions. Mutual trust. Checking with you if they aren't sure whether something is dodgy.

Parental controls/limits are useless IMO. My friend's dc got straight round them.

Agree that parental controls don't really work for tech savvy intellegent DCs. Mine are only little still, but they will be growing up with more access to the internet than even DCs a few years older, the idea of having "the family computer in the living room" already seems a twee, old-fashioned idea when we have a couple of laptops, 3 internet enabled phones and two tablets in our household between DH and me - not one big PC sat on a desk in the corner (with it's own special chair!).

I guess we accept DCs access will be hard to limit, so education is key.

I think it's the same as any other dangers to children. Being open, honest, and keeping the face to Face communication is so important.
Trust them to make their own educated decisions, but make sure they have the information to be able to make them. And build a strong relationship so they trust you in return.

I think that one of the biggest problems is children alone with access to the internet, so we try to keep computers in main living areas. This is not so easy with mobiles, especially as DS 1 has access to the internet at school. We have a cut off time on an evening, and both D.C. understand that we may check their phones at any time. We have also stuck to age limits for social media, as neither understand the full implications of posting online.

Definitely keeping the communication open and working on a relationship where the child can feel free to admit mistakes and tell you what's going on. Mine are only 4 and 6 though so I have no idea how easy this will be as they get older.

My son's school organised a talk for the parents from the council's internet safety person which I found really useful; it's really important that I understand the technology too. My 6 year old talks to me about internet safety which he has learnt at school. I'd hope groups like beavers and scouts would also cover it.

I allow my DD (8) when on my iPad to play on games / apps that are on the iPad. I try and buy apps that have no further advertising / add ons. Accessing Internet (usually you tube to watch music) is done in family room so I can make sure of what she is watching. So for now she is quite protected as has very limited access to www.
As she gets older will need to talk to her and explain need for security. DD's school holds Internet safety workshops and I will do something like that to make sure that I am educated on how to protect her.
So it will be a mix of communication, all the time as she grows and what she watches and how she accesses it changes. I will make sure I am also aware and up to date on what she may access / dangers and how to make Internet surfing safe.

Keep communication open with your kids so that they don't fee the need to keep secrets. Talk about internet safety/how people might not be who they say they are.

First post! Hi!

This extract:
"The generation gap between the tech literacy of children and adults does not have to leave the older generation powerless. Obviously there are many amazing ways that the internet enables our children and students to learn and discover the best things about the world. Teachers and parents are guiding children to understand that the internet should not and cannot be a law-free, ethics-free, grammar-free, privacy-free parental-influence-free extension of real life. Just as we do in health, food, exercise and other areas of life, we should be teaching children to take responsibility for their behaviour and act positively and with caution in the virtual world."

From this article, Kids and tech, stuck with me quite well.

At three my DD is too young for this to be a concern as of yet but I'm always careful of what images I share of her online on her behalf.

As she gets older I hope to educate her - I won't stop her using the internet but will make sure she is aware of all the dangers - the same as I'll teach her to cross the road.

Limited screentime. Asking to spot check emailfacebook etc. EDUCATE on dangers.

Set a good example yourself, whatever rules and expectation you want your children to have, make sure you follow these yourself.
Model good behaviour.
Let them see how you use yourown fakebook / MN account - show them what you share and discuss what and why you are not sharing certain things.
Lead by example.

Educate and monitor. Explain to DD that it's my job to protect her as best I can, the same as I try to do in other areas of her life. DD is only 2 but I'm already thinking about how this digital age will affect DDs life - the first time I used a computer/emails was in 6th form

B

I think a combination of education, common sense and having a good relationship with your kids is important. Talk about the issues so child are aware of them an early age. Only give children access to online devices in family areas with age appropriate supervision.

Never put a tv monitor in their room ever

No screens in bedroom after a certain time.

Turn off wifi after you've gone to bed.

Kids sleep much better if they have no screens for an hour before bed. The light is very stimulating apparently.

Get them into a sport

Have inadequate technology. Our computer was too lame for DS to catch the last wave of mine craft. Two of his mates play for hours a day and did badly in their exams ds plays sport and watches youtube etc but no gaming. He did really really well in his exams after working hard. You have to get control of it if you can.

I think there are ways to start putting across safety messages as soon as the child starts learning to use a computer...if certain messages are given early on then hopefully you will be able to trust the child as they become more confident and start using the internet. For youngsters I would say not to leave them unsupervised at all and to put blockers in place; older teenagers you have to be able to trust, so discuss issues with them, get their thoughts, share your concerns and find a mutually agreeable set of rules. Keep things age-appropriate. You could always spy on their internet history but it would be a shame to have to!

Keep tech out of the bedroom in the evening. I work with younger teens 12-13 and have lost count of the number of times I hear of them sending or being sent messages about suicidal thoughts or self harm late at night - this is not OK, they feel so worried and responsible. Also looking at some celebrity sites might lead on to weight loss or pro-anorexia websites. As I am currently suffering from RSI and shoulder problems from using devices, I also think time limits and posture are incredibly important ( think about the horrible position of your neck when using a mobile or tablet device and all the future back pain it will cause).

Having an open relationship where things can be discussed easily would be a good start.

It would help to know what kind of websites my son was on.

Hope he gets taught about online safety in school more. My friends school had experts in and did a fantastic talk. Our school needs this.

My eldest DC is 12 and just starting high school so I'm very aware that social media/Internet use is about to rocket.

Talking is key but of course teens are not always ready to listen so I sometimes let the internet do the talking. There was a great YouTube clip about a schoolgirl who put too much personal information on social media, leaving herself in a vulnerable position. I emailed dd the link and she watched it, and surprisingly she said that she'd already seen it at school. I was thrilled tbh!

So yes, education and communication. (And keeping a wee eye on what they are posting).

My daughter is only 5 so doesn't use the internet unsupervised yet. So I have opportunity now to prepare her and be sure that she uses it carefully and doesn't share too much with strangers. I hope to supervise screen time with no devices in the bedroom over night.

They know more than me. That is my starting point. They grew up "digital" and I am a time traveller from an analogue world. So, there is no point trying to catch them out, or monitor them. They have to understand the risks. They use other names online (even on Facebook) and know not to post anything identifying. They also know about strangers. We felt weirdly safe because we live remotely but 2 incidents with friends allowed us to talk, very frankly, about risk. One was online (and in person) grooming, although it was stopped in time. The other was nude photos of a topless girl being shared by an ex. We are open about our need to keep them safe and, at 13 and 15, they are on our side, thankfully. We also do not restrict access but have a one strike rule for porn. DD was bullied online and came to me straight away so, so far, so good.

Like any other aspect of parenting, you have to deal with things as they come up, but that means you have to know what's coming up. That's not easy. I think setting a good example is key but I find it quite difficult! One thing I have done for some years is limit pictures I put on Facebook/online of all of us, not just ds - my albums are mostly of scenery or things. However, I put up a picture of him on his last day of primary school, but asked his permission before I did so.