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Original poster

pro's and con's of boarding schools?Help needed

72 replies

skanger · 28/10/2006 15:59

Dh and I are tentatively thinking of boarding school for ds and I'm curious to know peoples opinions .Dh and I are a bit divided -most of rl friends sons go-and dont know what to think or do.Only new to the whole MN thing so please be gentle.

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Heathcliffscathy · 29/10/2006 00:09

you have to be really careful with this stuff though....lots of people don't want to go there in terms of acknowledging how crap it was because they don't want to attack their parents.

and many parents who love their children send them to boarding school simply because 'that's what you do'.

it's a very sensitive area.

i also do think that there are circumstances in which boarding school is a better option than a totally erratic or cold and awful home life.

Heathcliffscathy · 29/10/2006 00:10

agreed sorrell. they need you just as much as toddlers do....it's a transition just like toddlerhood is (toddlerhood is baby to child, and teenager is child to adult) and transitions are very very hard!!!!

Greensleeves · 29/10/2006 00:19

When I worked in a boarding school for a while I was in the house with all the first years and about 6 upper sixth formers. The little ones were OK in the main - some of them cried themselves to sleep every night, a lot of them were terribly homesick, but they could be comforted and distracted, IYKWIM. I worried 50 times more about the sixth formers in my house. They were much more emotionally vulnerable and fragile, much more needy and much more difficult to "reach" - I personally don't feel that as 17-18 year old girls the upper sixth formers at that school (excellent, highly academic, very expensive school) were emotionally healthy or happy teenagers. I know all teenagers are dificult, moody and emotionally labile, but I felt it went beyond that in an alarmingly high number of the pupils I knew. Most of them went on to good universities and would undoubtedly "do well" - they had the veneer of outward confidence and social polish that money and private education gives. IMO many of them were emotionally and interpersonally quite damaged and dysfunctional - it worried me then and it still does.

3andnomore · 29/10/2006 00:42

Western society myth'"promotes independance, maturity and self sufficiency etc (however this might just be that the kids would be like that anyway cos the parents are prepared to invest in their kids education/manners)" '

not being funny, but a child knowing that their parents love them no matter what and being left to cut those ties loose at their own accord will be more independent and happier independent as by choice then some forced on independence!

3andnomore · 29/10/2006 00:45

threebob, but having to move is not always a decision you actually make, forinstance with army you don't get much choice, very often!

3andnomore · 29/10/2006 00:47

ooops, sophable you made that point already!

3andnomore · 29/10/2006 00:50

oh, and my only personal experience hre is ex boyfriend and his sibs...all put into bschool aged 5 and all needy but pushing away and well not well adjusted...but then at 5 you definately need your parents loads still, and the closeness and comfort etc..honestly I truely believe that their human deficiencys are down to be send to bschool so very young!

sallystrawberry · 29/10/2006 01:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

threebob · 29/10/2006 06:29

Trust me - FIL could have said no to each and every move.

Original poster
skanger · 29/10/2006 07:44

thank you for replying to my thread-i was quite surprised that anyone did.I dont know what conclusion my dh will arrive at with this,but i know in my heart of hearts that i do not want him to go to boarding school

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Original poster
skanger · 29/10/2006 07:46

and i apologise for posting under book club-im such a twit!!

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Pruni · 29/10/2006 07:50

Message withdrawn

zippitippitoes · 29/10/2006 07:53

I can't see any point at all in choosing boarding school because it's boarding school

if you can then choose the school which suits your child when you've looked at all the options

I would only choose boarding if it was the only option for a particular need

meowmix · 29/10/2006 07:54

I went to boarding school and was unbelievably miserable about 60% of the time, estatically happy about 20% of the time and bored senseless 20% of the time. Personally I absolutely wouldn't send a girl to boarding school unless i had absolutely no choice, teenage girls are harsh on themselves and each other. Most of the boys I knew who went seemed fine but in that very British way and they're all a bit hard to reach now they're grown up.

all in all not for me, but agree - something to discuss with the children rather than friends? Could he go to the same school as a day boy if your worry is that he'll miss friends?

zippitippitoes · 29/10/2006 07:56

of course boarding schools have very long holidays so it's hardly a case of never seeing them again...

Original poster
skanger · 29/10/2006 08:05

Dh went to one himself and feels it will be the making of the boy!i feel i'm on a rollercoaster and want to get off-so ican really think about this whole thing.Ds says he might like to go,but he is a sensitive child and a bit of a worrier-i feel he needs us to be there at the end of school day to talk and cuddle.

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zippitippitoes · 29/10/2006 08:11

that almost sounds as though he subscribes to the toughen him up and turn him from a wimp to a man point of view...which is about the worst reason i can think of tbh

Original poster
skanger · 29/10/2006 08:18

i suppose we sometimes use our own childhood as a blueprint for bringing up our own kids-dh says he loved bs and yes it did toughen him up,but feels that life is tough and bs instilled in him the resources to cope and succeed.i'm not sure i completely agree

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zippitippitoes · 29/10/2006 08:25

it also suggests that you are looking at sending him to a tough school and he is senstitive sounds like a mismatch to me, you can't change his personality..probably your dh was a diffferent kind of child

Original poster
skanger · 29/10/2006 08:29

the schhol we are considering is a mixed bs and actually is very good-and i did get a good vibe when we went to have a look-but i get a sick feeling when i try to visualise ds actually being there

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zippitippitoes · 29/10/2006 08:33

if you don't want him to go then look at day options elsewhere ..I don't think there is any special quality that come from boarding unless there is a particular reason for it being the chosen option

Original poster
skanger · 29/10/2006 08:40

thanks for opinionsim still undecided but it did actually help to have a chat on here-we have a little while before we need to come to a final decision-i just want what will be best for ds-parenting is so so hard sometimes

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