Have any other former bookworms struggled to read since having children?

[Mrsfrumble]

And how did you overcome it? Was there a book which reignited your passion for reading, or was it a gradual thing?

I was an avid reader from early on, and I used to tear through books. As an adult I always had a novel in my backpack and would read on the bus, the tube, through my lunch-hour at work and in bed into the small hours when I should have been sleeping. If it was a particularly engrossing book I was one of those dozy pedestrians who would wander along the pavement with my nose buried.

Then in 2010 I had a baby, followed by another in 2012, and since then I've... Struggled. I've started so many books, sometimes with plenty of enthusiasm which has fizzled out about half way through. The only books I've managed to get all the way through are The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (not my usual thing, but MIL recommended at as good hospital reading and I was in for 4 days after having DS), Freedom by Jonathan Franzen and collections of short stories by Grace Paley and Alice Munro.

I've started and abandoned so many I can't remember them all. They've included many highly recommended books and some classics like Birdsong, The Poisonwood Bible, Beyond Black by Hilary Mantel and The Sea, The Sea by Iris Murdoch. I start a book, enjoy it, then get distracted by children and housework and life and don't pick it up for a few days, and when I do my enthusiasm is just gone.

Has anyone else had a similar experience? Will it get better when the children are older and more independent and I'm less knackered? And can you recommend a book that is so amazing and compelling I'll be able to stick with it? I miss my old self. Thanks!

I've struggled since having children, got it back a bit after dc1, managed on every month or so, then lost it again when pregnant with dc2. My DH bought me a beautiful hardback for Christmas, intended for my last weeks waiting for dc2 to arrive but she came early and I still haven't got round to it.

You've inspired me a bit though susannah, I have the ipad with me when I bf for naps and bedtime and even though I have a kindle app on it I get distracted by the internet. By the evening I'm too tired to concentrate on the tv even.

I think it's that having children has coincided with easier internet access on tablets etc and it's done in my attention span. I think maybe chilimum is right in that I need to retrain myself to concentrate to the level required to get into a book.

The last ones I read of a more serious variety were Stoner by John Williams and The Sense of an ending by Julian Barnes. They both had the advantage of being very short so I got the little thrill of successfully finishing them!

Agree too with the mental well being comments, my DH always worries about me when I don't have a book on the go as he feels it's a symptom of me being a bit down generally, he says it's always a relief to see me reading.

Thanks for this thread. I'm setting myself a target of 4 books before Christmas, as we're nearly at the start of Sept, one of them being the one I got last year!

Oh, oh, oh, me too! I find it very difficult to lose myself now. It's as if I feel I don't 'deserve' to take that much time for myself!

Me too - DD is eight weeks old and I've read one chapter since she's been born. I am going to try to read more, but I haven't got the hang of one-handed breastfeeding yet so it's difficult unless she's asleep! Hopefully it'll be easier to find the time as she gets older :)

'It's as if I feel I don't 'deserve' to take that much time for myself!'

You do, you always have and always will, regardless of the demands of the children, partners or any other random individual.
It's important that you try and manage the guilt and feeling that you ought to be available 24/7 to meet the needs of others. Seriously, it matters.

No, I struggle to pay enough attention to my children rather than reading.

I don't really do much housework.

I think it's that having children has coincided with easier internet access on tablets etc and it's done in my attention span. I think maybe chilimum is right in that I need to retrain myself to concentrate to the level required to get into a book.

This is exactly the issue. I still read, but less than I used to, and I have to be quite strict with myself - I'm scared of my brain turning to rot otherwise! But I think that even people who don't have children find it hard to concentrate on books these days. We've been trained out of it by the internet and the good TV that's now available.

I'm reading a history book at the moment (Winter King by Thomas Penn) - it's very good and interesting but I definitely have to keep picking it up, otherwise I'll lose momentum forever.

Audiobooks are brilliant, though, a great way of sneaking in a good read. I clean the kitchen late at night while listening to them.

Wow, some really interesting replies! I certainly identify with the points about feeling guilty if I'm not doing housework or something for the children. Even when they are asleep and I have some time to read I feel as if I should be getting stuck into one of the mountain of unread parenting books I've acquired over the last three years.

The posts about losing the discipline and concentration span thanks to tablets and the internet are very true too. Before DS was born DH and I shared a clunky old laptop, and now we both have iPads. If I'm really tired (which I am most evenings) then mumsnet or blog posts are as much as my brain can manage!

I'm sure it would be beneficial to my mental health if I had something to focus on other than mundane household things and anxiety over the children / maternal guilt. I like the idea of a recovering mother's book club!

I struggled with attention span and concentration when DD was a baby/toddler and this was made worse because her birth coincided with me getting my first iPad. But things got better as she got older - particularly once she started being able to play happily by herself. It means that, at 6yo, she can play and I can read at the same time. Seeing me read also encourages her to pick up a chapter book so I no longer feel guilty about reading in her presence. She still goes to bed at 7.30pm and I don't watch much TV so I read a lot in the evenings and as she's older and less demanding I am much less tired.

How did I get back into the habit of reading? I started out reading only mummy- and chick-lit. But what has transformed my reading habit is joining the 50 books a year challenge here on Mumsnet. I don't care whether I read 50 books or not but certainly being part of that thread has encouraged me to read a lot more.

Don't worry about being too tired or guilty to read. Your DC are very small. It will get better as they get older and less demanding of your time. Hang in there and just enjoy these baby/toddler years :)

True, bssh, I want my kids to see me reading, think the setting an example thing is important. The oldest is only three but it's going to be difficult restricting his screen time if he sees it as the way adults relax, rather than picking up a book.

evilgiraffe the Kindle app on your smartphone can be read with one hand :)

My DS is 18mo now and I've noticed I've started to get back I to the swing of it again recently.
Joining the library was a god send for me -that way I can pick up trashy, easy to read novels without feeling like I'm throwing money away. They provide light relief in between my more fulfilling reads.

I can't be doing with the kindle, bssh. In any case, I need both hands for feeding so Netflix is very much my friend at the minute!

This thread has been helpful, though - I read another chapter yesterday :)

I have the attention span of a gnat these days, which I put down to too much screen time, ease of access to the internet (helloooo mumsnet!) and being too tired/distracted since having children. Chillimum was right about reading being a skill we have lost, that's exactly how I feel about it, but I do miss it. I'm reading the Earthsea Quartet by Ursula Le Guin just now but it's hanging by a thread - it's a good week since I've read any of it and I'm starting to lose interest! I've wanted to read it for ages though so I'm determined to finish it.

no I always found some time to read every day even when my children were small, never felt guilty about reading, it's just something that I do daily as a matter of course.

I find reading a lot easier since I got a Kindle paperwhite, as I can read it in low light whilst feeding DD to sleep.

I am still managing to read quite a bit, but do find it harder to read at the rate that I did pre-children. I don't get as much time to read and I often tired. I have read mostly fairly easy novels and some non-fiction.

I stopped reading after each child. Just time really. I agree with the posters who have said reading is good for their mental health. I love getting lost in a book.
I've left work so need to find a new book group (old one was work related). Don't know where to start!

Me too! It wasn't really until my eldest started back at school that I've really got back into it.
While I was struggling, I did find that audio-books were a reasonable substitute. Might be worth a try?

Oh dear - have been looking forward to getting back into reading while on ML; my time has been pressed the last couple of yrs but my book-buying habits haven't changed so I have now 5 shelves of 'to-read' pile!

I never had this..only when they were babies.
I had the evening....they were in bed by 630 and I didn't watch tv. Also once a week they'd go to a friends house so I had 3 hours to myself. H had them Saturday afternoons so up to 5 hours there.

You just need to get back into the habit of reading, rather than browsing or whatever you've got into the habit of to switch off. Going up to bed a bit earlier helps too - I always aim to give myself half an hour's reading time before bed. But start with easy, enjoyable things. I've read a lot of fast-paced thrillers since having my kids as they grip you and you don't want to put them down. Tiredness is a killer though - if you're exhausted you'll struggle - so don't beat yourself up. When you're less mentally exhausted you'll get back into it, but you do have to carve out some time and make yourself sit and read sometimes. Happily, for me, being a bit selfish comes naturally

OK, I've decided to confess my super-lazy tactic for getting some reading time in every morning…

I get my boys dressed in the next day's clothes and they wear them to bed. Then when they wake up in the morning I get them breakfast, make myself a cup of tea and go back to bed with a book!

I feel no guilt!

Agree with PPs that there are many electronic distractions other than children that can eat into reading time.

I should read a bit before bed, as I find if I use a computer it can make it harder for me to get to sleep.

I found my concentration levels are very low since having DS and also DH buying an iPad! I have read 13 books so far this year which is more than one a month so I'm reasonably happy with that. I need to get back into the habit of reading before bedtime too!

Same here! I miss it but can't seem to get back into it :(

Although I read I am pilgrim in 4 days after being given it by my mum