Faugh! WoT is my literary verruca

[Slubberdegullion]

Blood and bloody ashes these books are driving me CRAZY.

I don't want to read any more. Started on book 6 yesterday and after two pages I threw it down the stairs and yet this morning instead of putting all 9 or however many of the damned things I bought from oxfam back in an oxfam bag I am compelled to start reading again.

Why do I want to find out what happens? I only like about three characters.

I'm concerned if I shove them all in the attic and come back to them in 3 years I wont have a bleeding clue who anyone is and will be forced to re-read the first five again.

I'm cursing the day I picked up The Eye of the World.

Shall I keep going then?

WoT = Waste of Time. Bin them, do not put some future Oxfam shopper through the same dilemma, only books I have ever thrown away (think I read eight) and never regretted it.

ha, like Waste of Time.....you still read 8 though Takeresponsibility before you binned them.

There is something digustingly pleasurable about reading them, like cadbury's creme eggs. You know they are awful and while you are eating them you feel a bit sick and sticky and yet they are really quite pleasurable.

ooooh or just like embracing saidin with the taint.

All my oxfam specials have the old covers with Rand looking like some Mills and Boon fraek staring off into the middle distance in tight thigh skimming trousers and fancy blouse.

Tell the truth, you want to know what happens with Lan He's the only one worth bothering about. And I say this as someone who has been reading WoT since the very beginning.

I just can't bear to not know how it finishes, now, even though I can't stand the way Brandon Sanderson writes them. Take comfort from the fact that you haven't invested over 20 years in reading about Rand and his doings. How three women love him so much that they all share him is beyond me. I can't imagine him having that effect on one person, never mind a group. Ah well, the wheel weaves as the wheel will and the wind blows on.

Rand suffers from that Frodo type thing of being a shit protagonist. He's a liability and bloody annoying at that. Gawd only knows how he got one woman, let alone three.

I only read it to see if Lan took off his clothes at any point.

I like them in a guilty pleasure sort of way. But you do get to the point where if Nynaeve tugs on her braid once more or Perrin looks down to hide his eyes, you might kill somebody.

Nooo you must keep going.

I have loved the most recent two that Sanderson wrote - he actually knows how to move the story forward and there is far less adjusting of clothing and other irritations taking up page after page.

Lan is gorgeous , I am a lot in love with him.

Egwene is becoming stupider and stupider though, I have to grit my teeth at the bits about her.

DH and I have this conversatioon in bed sometimes about who would play the characters in a film (I know, I know, they say romance is dead). With Egwene I can't think of anybody bland or dull enough.

Sanderson's a much pacier writer which is a blessed relief. Is it book 9 where bog all happens? Can't remember.

Oh yes, Egwene is stupid, but I think that they are all pretty rubbish and dim. Except Lan of course. I think that Egwene ans Elaine are having some sort of who-is-the-most-useless-and-annoying competition, which might even include the Trakand brothers.

DS1 and I were talking about something similar recently. It's almost as if it is compulsory for epic fantasy protagonists to be rubbish. If you think about it, it's hard to find one who isn't. Fitz was quite rubbish, Raif Severance is very rubbish, Garion was the worst, Erich von Darkmoor was pretty useless, Richard Cipher started off awesome and became progressivley more rubbish, Brandon Sanderson's Mistborn heroes are dreadful, all the main characters in the dragon rider books suck.... I can't think of any more off hand but every one we discussed was really a bit pathetic. Rand is one of the worst offenders. He has got more and more wet and useless as time has gone one. Now he is all zen and it makes me shudder. The only exception that I can think of is Malazan because it doesn't really have a protagonist. Oh, yes, and Sparhawk, apart from his ridiculous love for Ehlana, he is my personal favourite.

I don't really like the Sanderson stuff because he just seems to miss the mark, inevitably, character wise. He puts words in their mouths that just aren't them. He is moving things on BUT for a series that was only supposed to have 6 books (in the dim mists of time) it's about time it moved towards its end.

I think Dragonlance has rather succesfully had well-rounded protagonists. But I can't think of many others.

Yes Sparhawk is definitely one of the best, he is actually believable. I also quite like Garion

It's because the protagonist in fantasy is pretty much always supposed to be lawfully good or whatever the D&D term is for it. Which is actually v.boring.

My overwhelming problem with WoT, is that if the 'good guys' had all just met up and told each other what was going on in about book 4/5, it could all have gone so much better

Showy - yes we do that too

So I should keep going then...or just read wiki and then speed ahead to the sanderson books?

I concur about Rand. I think I might actually despise him now. Never have I felt less interested in a protagonist than with this series. Can I just skip his chapters (so easy to do as you get the little picture at the start of each one so you know who they are about).

I'm meh about Lan. he's only said about 50 words in 5 books and is mostly a grumpy bugger.

I rather like Gareth Byrne myself.

stressed, I loved Fitz. Yeah he royally fucked up frequently but in a quite normal human way. I really liked the Robin Hobb books.

Seeing as there are fantasy fans here, is the Game of Thrones book worth reading? Have watched 2 episodes of the new series. What a lot of breasts, but apart from that it seemed quite good.

Ali yes, the good guys are all rulebound and can't work outside the various systems at all, whereas the bad guys can. I just think that they always have so many flaws as if their development is totally stifled by the rules and all that goodness turns them into a complete liability.

Richard Cipher is a classic example. He starts of as extremely lawful, following all the rules of the good guys, but still a good, well-rounded character with not much wrong with him. After a few books he becomes insufferable and by the end of the SoT, you actually want something to happen to him because he has moved so far from where he started and lost all his attractive characteristics. But we all know that he was just a mouth piece for the author's pomposity, anyway. Perhaps he was a good one to begin with to suck us in.

I can't really remember as far back as book 4/5 of WoT, it's all a bit of a blur, tbh. You're right, though. It would all be so much easier if the good guys communicated a bit. But then, it would all have been over about 7 books ago!

Slubber George Martin is good. My older boys have read all the Song of Ice and Fire books and really like them. I've only read a few, I have to catch up.

I loved Fitz, I had a sad little crush on him for years, I think because of his flaws and the fact that he had a hard time of it.

Lan gets much, much better as time goes on, although I had a thing for him right from the start. He is a strong, silent, enigmatic type. I always think of Gareth as being old (as if I were young!)

i had to open this thread because of your lovely use of 'faugh!', but i find that i have no idea what you are talking about - what is more, i gather that i am better off not knowing...?

but a lot of the books you'll find at oxfam - well, there's a reason someone gave them to oxfam...

yeah but Lan is old. Isn't he meant to be about 50 at the start of the series? yeah, he's a sword master with a clever cloak but he ain't no spring chicken.

I don't mind an older man but he is so monosyllabic, him and he hard stares and imperceptible nods.

I did cheer when Moraine fell through the twisty doorway, which obviously is bad and wrong to feel happy when a 'good' snuffs it...or has she...

Might have a stab at the Ice and Fire books but am worried will get my epic fantasy series mixed up. Feel like I should have a fiction enema and read biography of Nelson or something.

stripeywoollenhat, Faugh! is the exclamation of choice of the Ogier Loial

I have grown rather fond of it.

I love Loial.

How can you not want Lan to pick you up, braid and all, and shove you against a wall as he prepares to leave to ride to certain death?

Lan may be old but not in the same way that Bryne is. Anyway, I'm quite old now as well. Agree completely with Show, I would even grow a braid and listen to the wind.

Moiraine may be gone but that's not the end of the story. I don't mind her as much as the other women. I have 30 years worth of epic fantasy jumbled up in my brain and I don't care. The boys are always mocking me for getting things confused, but seeing as all the stories are basically the same perpetual battle between the forces of light and darkness, what does it matter

I too love Loial.

Showy I am quite desperate to find a character in the books that moves me enough to fantasise about a bit of wild wall shoving but so far nadda. I'd go for a ride with Gareth but nothing more.

I wouldn't mind a braid though, but a fancy one like Birgitte.

stressed, yes you are right. Who cares if it gets into a lovely fantasy jumble. I feel I need to keep going with Wot before going onto something new though. I am interested enough in some of the story lines to put up with Rand and his groupies.

I don't like Game of Thrones. Everyone dies, and I mean everyone. It is too depressing.

Gareth is too old. Lan is old-ish but hot. Mat is also hot, and young.

How is Lan hot?

I am intrigued. I have yet to read of hotness. He has yet to do anything spectacularly significant or especially brave yet, but then he has just buggered orf on his giant war horse as Moraine has snuffed it (or not...) so maybe sexy Lan is about to reveal himself.

I could kill him for giving Nynaeve that sodding ring as the number of ring between breast references is almost as bad as under-breast folding, sniffing and braid tugging.

Mat has a hat.

See Mat leaves me cold. All that cheeky, tricksy gameplaying. Lan is all brooding and masculine and majestic and beautiful.

Perrin's great too. Faile pisses me off no end though with her 'sulk sulk girls are better sulk mock feisty sulk' bollocks. Oh and dh fancies her.

Isn't Lan's surname Mandragoran? I guffawed when I read that for the first time. Man Dragon. Why not call him Lan Giantmightythrustingsword or Lanmyhorseisbiggerthanyourhorse and be done with it.

Perrin is, I dunno, big and angsty. I don't hate him (yet). yy Faile is irritating I concur but I like her big shnoz. yay a heroine that is not utterly beautiful.

I think I gave up after three or four of these. Completely lost interest.

I was called al'Lan Mandragoran on here for a while. It's such a pleasing name. All his other titles are similarly phallic. True Blade of Malkier, May He Sever The Shadow etc. Big thrusting Lan with his sword of throbbing justice.

If he did something with his sword of throbbing justice I might sit up and take notice of him a bit more.

So far, book six, one snog. Hopeless.