Need some support to start again! alot of weight to lose for the second time round...

[cuspish]

Hey there everyone. I'd really love some support, i feel very sad and overwhelmed and fed up with myself.

I;m 35 and have been very overweight my whole life and in and out of eating disorder clinics. I currently weight 18st 6lbs. At my heaviest i was 19st 7lbs two years ago. I had polycystic ovaries, and didn't think I could have childen because I had no periods. I was very unhappy with myself and in an 8 year relationship that I didn't want to be in anymore.

I decided that year to tackle it and between january and june I lost 4 stone and got down to 15 stone. It was a hell of an emotional journey, I loved it as much as I hated it. I felt sick with all the attention it brought to me, it was emotionally so so difficult. But I also loved it, I had energy and confidence and I looked lovely. it also changed my life. I left my relationship, had an awful awful break up that really really screwed me up. Simultaneously I fell in love with a new man, got pregnant within 3 months. It was all very fucked up for a while and I spent most of that year crying and wondering what the hell had happened. Then I had a baby and am now living with my newboyfriend and nearly a year old baby. I am happy in the relationship and I love my baby.

But in that year I've obviously put most of the weight I lost back on from sitting around breastfeeding really. I'm guttted, and feel so so horrible now. Can't believe I have to do it all again. SO scared. It took such a momumental effort last time, and fucked up my life, happily in the end for the better. I don't know if I can do it again. but I feel like if i don't then I'll lose everything and it'll all be shit again.

I'm so tired and fed up and stressed I'm binge eating and comfort eating and really out of control. I so want to get back in control.

Hi Cuspish - you poor poor thing you sound so worried. What diet did you do before to loose 4 stone? Are you going to try that again? If it worked last time it may work again.
I believe things in life happen for a reason even if you don't see it at the time. Look how wonderful your life is now and you have done what all mothers do and put your baby first. Now its time to think of yourself again and you can do it, you have the love & support of your boyfriend in a happy loving relationship.
Also once your little one starts running around you will burn off a lot of calories chasing after he/she. Try to let that also motivate you to do it for them, but most importantly to be a healthy mummy.
I use that as a motivation for me, I piled on a lot of weight from both my pregnancies, especially whilst breastfeeding I just pigged out big time.
Have lost a stone in 4 weeks but still have 4 1/2 to go but feeling strong and determined to do it this time.
Best of luck and I am sure you will get lots of support on this forum

help help. still in the same place, physically and emotionally, feeling awful , scared and sad.
can't seem to get a handle on it atall.
Feel ashamed seeing the date of starting this thread and realising that if I'd started then I'd be OK now. But I can't seem to make the mental flip.

I need to write reasons.

Am worried about PCOS coming back and preventing me having more children
Am worried about rheumatism and gout
Am worried about my lack of physical fitness
Am worried about my mental health
I look awful, can't fit any nice clothes
I worry that my boyfriend doesn't fancy me now
I don't want sex
I hate my weakness

Eaten today

Bowl of porridge
Bowl of veg soup
mackerel and bean paste salad sandwhich
half a tunnocks tea cake

excersize.

Walked 20 mins
took wee boy swimming

Hello Cuspish, not sure if I can help as you seem to have very major issues but if it any good to know I have lost the same 4 stone 3 times now and I'm determined to keep it off this time. What really helped me this time round was seeing the health problems a couple of people I knew who were in the "fat and jolly" category - neither of them cared a fig about being very overweight, both life and soul of the party types. My male freind had aheart attack at 47 and has been left with a degree of heart failure as a result, lots of things he can't do any more. The other person, a colleague has diabetes and hugely swollen legs and feet, really not good.

The only thing that helps me is exercise, maybe if you can build on that 20 minutes walking until you begin to get a buzz from being active it will keep you going.

All of the things you are worrying about will get better if you can get started. Don't worry about large amounts in short periods of time etc. 1lb a week is nearly 4 stone in a year.

cupish - it's better (mentally) to write the positive reasons of how you think you'll be if you lose the weight you want to. eg

1)I'll be able to run around with my children
2) Be able to walk into any high st store & pick what I like.
etc etc.

Focusing on the positve is scientifically proven to give us a more positive outlook in life & actually helps in attaining our goals.

good luck you can do it.