Emotional eating

[PorkyNorky]

I need to lose weight. I am about 4 stones heavier than I need to be, but I never manage to go a day without snarfing unnecessary food when I am not hungry. My meals are healthy. I understand what is healthy and not, and how much is sufficient. And I am not starving. But I eat to avoid getting on with the mountain of unsatisfying jobs that are all around me. I mean, laundry, dishes, tidying, paperwork, uni work.

So how do I stop the constant eating when I shouldn't, i.e. when I'm not hungry? Everything I read talks about yoyo dieters - I don't yoyo, I just don't lose it. I know it's emotional, and I know the eating not only keeps my weight on but stops me getting on top of the messy areas of my life, and I'm miserable.

How do I actually do it? I want to eat right, and yet I also plan how to eat badly... I can't understand me. Anyone else been here and beaten it? I'm particularly bad in the evening, when partner is away, and I eat and don't go to bed until way too late, then I'm grumpy and disorganised in the morning. I just need to get a grip, don't I? If I can't get this sorted soon, then my health will be permanently affected if it's not already, and I'll miss all the fun with my kids when they're young, I'm so grumpy .

The only way to beat it is constant vigilance and trust in yourself. I found that I have to be aware of true hunger rather than thirst, boredom, anger, procrastination etc. The fact that you recognise it as emotional eating is a huge step. But you can't undo a lifetime's habits in a short space of time so it does require a hefty commitment, both to eat in an appropriate way, but also to not punish yourself when you don't.

Susie Orbach's 'On Eating' is good but I think 'Fat is a feminist issue' is much better (particularly the sequel) is very good for working out why you eat the way you do.
Good luck

I found I always wanted to be sipping or chewing things. It wasn't really hunger, just a sort of restless energy, marking of the day sort of thing, work avoidance tactic.

Best way to beat this is: temporary placebo of
cups of tea, watered hot choc, apples, bananas to get through that addictive putting something in your mouth requirement.
when you realise that you can survive without eating calories
then you move onto realising you are only a bt hungry, and you think of other sources of emotional satisfaction, or you reward yourself for jobs done with other treats than food
Also you value hunger rather than banishing it. I am hungry - that's good, I will enjoy my lunch all the more when I have it. Sort of appetite re-regulation.

I've noticed in some people who are overweight/unhappy being overweight that they don't even really like food much - they punish themselves by eating - they also don't enjoy eating with other people. It is a solitary pursuit - they fear themselves as the eating person rather than rejoicing in it/themself, hence the need to eat by oneself when not observed. Try eating all you eat with other people so that you can judge what you are and are not eating, rathe r than it being something you do behind closed doors. So it's better to have a piece of chocolate cake with a friend than eat it alone
My mum is trying to lose weight at the moment. Her life is being made miserable by arthritis, and being overweight. She said that food was only thng she had left to enjoy (she is naturally a very busy active person with lots of friends and a nice husband) She has only just made the decision that she has lost all the things she enjoys doing, because of overeating. Food has made her miserable, it is not the answer to her misery.

Thank you all!

Inzi - not for me, thanks.

Dicki I will get hold of those books, thanks, as I'm very academic about how I tackle things. I think your vigilence comment is probably bang on. I just have trouble maintaining it.

Swan On the odd day when I do "better", I employ the tactics you suggest (like making big pot of just veg soup and drinking mugs of that!), I often feel that that's failing because I'm not tackling the need to do it, but tbh if I could lose some weight that way, then I might feel better, and hopefully lose that habitual grazing thing. Your 2nd msg - I love food, but over the last year I've gotten embarrassed about eating in front of others. I do it, but run a commentary in my head about them thinking oh look at the fat one eating the slice of cake/panini/salad.

Your comment about arthritis really hits home withme. My mother has always been my level of overweight, and she has really bad rheumatoid arthritis, and has suffered since her late 50s. I don't want to be like her. I've only been like this for 3 years, since last child. Have recently seen photos of me just before that and I was so all right. Have underactive thyroid now, which probably contributed to weight going on, but it's not a reason for not shifting it, so far as I understand (am on thyroxine, good levels now). So, thank you lots of things there.

I just feel like I'm the only one like this. Feeling quite shameful. It's no way to live. TBH, I'm having a terrible time coping with being the one who does the cooking, often just for me and kids as dh is away so much, and they moan about the dinner (then either eat it fine, or don't) and I just feel so fettered as I'm trying to make healthy food that they don't hate, but it's not really what I want to eat mostly, and then I end up not wanting to waste all that food (which is just as wasted if I eat it as bin it). I hate my kitchen!
Sorry. Onwards and upwards, thanks for great advice.

I think the biggest obstacle to anything is thinking: the problem is too great. I won't think about it today.
But it sounds like you really have identified what is wrong.
Try setting yourself really small goals, like getting through 2 hours without a snack (however slimline), then stretching it. The first week is very hard and so so boring (it seems one can't think about anything except food), then it seems a thousand times easier to have abstinence as one's travelling companion. It is almost as if you don't have to apologise to yourself any more, you know you are being true to yourself and what you deserve.
There - writing this message has stopped me having another biscuit

Hi PorkyN. I am so there with you. I posted some time ago about snacking in front of the telly.... actually much more than snacking... had basically nearly run the carpet thread bare between the kitchen and lounge as I plastered lurpak onto ryvitas and ate through the kids "treat" jar!

There was lots of good advice but of course we need to follow it! I have been thru a nasty divorce and lost my appetite... it was such a relief.... every cloud and all that! Still, I am much happier now and life is good again but still I eat when happy, sad, cold, lonely etc...what a nightmare struggle. I had lost loads of weight and it is now creeping back on and I am so scared but can't seem to control it. I sometimes feel a bit sort of possessed about "needing to eat" - I mean how bizarre is that?!

I know that this isn't helpful but I am sure we are not alone.

I have just had a cuppa soup but what I really wanted to do was dip a loaf of bread into it .... yipeee I didn't tho... well that's today's achievement.... just need to get through this evening!

I once read that sumo wrestlers are "built up" by consuming hundreds of extra calories in the evening! Surely that's a good reason for us to stop!! xx

Swan you're idea of getting through 2 hours is great, and to be honest, I guess I need to concentrate on getting through the evening without. And if I can set a target of once, then twice, and increase, perhaps this will work.

looneym So with you on feeling possessed! Have tried to explain to my (naturally slim) dh about it, but he just can't get it, because he eats for hunger, and I so rarely feel hungry. I have to cultivate that feeling!

I'm not happy with the idea of subbing high cal things for low, because I don't think it's dealing with the real issue. Sigh. Anyway, feeling quite up now.. but off to make tea. I'm going spinning tonight for the first time. Hope I enjoy! Exercise used to be what worked for me, made me eat well to support that (I was really fit 10 years ago!).

Thanks all. Gotta keep trying.

Hi PN. Hope you enjoyed the spinning and you made it thru the night! I am sure small steps are the way forward. I managed to have a small cake and cuppa then a tangerine! Not great I know but better than a tube of pringles! Have a good day. x

Spinning was good, went with a friend who's done it before but not for a while. I kept pedalling throughout, but couldn't manage to do as directed, if you see what I mean, and oh my bum was sore! But I've booked in for next week again, and we'll keep going. Just nice to do somet proper exercise. I do swim too (hard swimming - masters club). Working now. Thanks!

hi porky..... just though i would say that your op could have been written by me.... it is exactly how I feel and i have had eough of it.

My worst time is the evening too.... i havent done too badly tonight because i hve kept myself busy.... i think that sometimes it it boredom that makes me eat.

well done for doing your spin class.... it is a definte step in the right direction!

Hi Everyone... how's it going Porky? I wonder how many of us evening bingers there are... and more importantly... what't the cure?!

Spooky. Good that you kept your hands busy and kept out the biscuit tin. Even when my hands are busy in the evening, I am rushing thru what I am doing so that I can sit down and stuff. Mine is boredom/emtional/madness I think!

The kids will keep a tally of how many choc tree decorations have been eaten so if I go down that route I will definitely be found out.

Good luck everyone.... please post any ideas to stop the evening eating.
x

Hi, so glad I found this thread again; I read OP on Monday and it has been resonating with me all week!

I am so like you LM, PN, Spooky C. I know what is healthy, I just eat all that in the day and then crap in the evenings. I hate my kitchen, feel possessed, just WISH food wasn't an issue!

I have been like this ever since about 15. I did lose quite a bit last year (PND) and felt so much better for it, but now am happier and have put it all back on! And that's the hard bit for me at the moment, realising that this will always be a battle for me and I feel like it is a battle I am losing more and more in terms of motivation and success (eating well).

In the past, things I have felt helpful are going out to exercise in the evening (just too tired for that now!!!!), generally feeling positive about life and a major life change so that I can set new routines. But the old habits always slip back....

I can relate to all of this.

Does anyone want to join me in really giving up the junk a go?

When I lost weight before, exercise really helped to keep the binge urges at bay.

I'm going to try to do an exercise dvd in the evening instead of eating and drinking lots of water and herbal teas.

Someone else doing this too will really help.

Thought I'd killed this thread! Yes, I am up for doing exercises in the evening, BB.
Am also going to write a journal, partly as a distraction.

Have you been on Foodfocus? You can keep a food journal on there.
Also, this is a good sitewww.sparkpeople.com They've got loads of fitness videos on there. Some are only 10 mins. Surely, we can find at least 10mins in the evening

I've stuck to healthy today.
I'm going to do a 10min abs workout then have a herbal tea and then to bed.