No time to exercise/ eat healthy! Help!

[Solo2]

I'm 46 and I need to lose one stone to return to my pre-children weight...this is 8 years after my twins were born, by the way! Weight is going up gradually all the time.

Problem is, I have no time to eat healthily anymore and no time to exercise. I'm a single mum running a full-time business single-handedly, with no family/ childcare help. can't afford any paid help. I do absolutely everything, all of the time (no ex either). Most days start around 4.30am when I get an hr and a half before the children are up, to do necessary task - domestic and business. After the morning school run, I'm working full on, with barely a lunch time (15 mins if I'm lucky) until I pick them up from school and spend the next 4 to 5 hrs full-on parenting - cooking supper, helping with homework/ music practices, sorting stuff for next school day etc....and then there's another hour wind down for and with them to get them to sleep. By 9pm they're asleep and about 20 mins later, so am I!

There is NO give in this schedule to add in anything more. So how do I get time to make myself healthy meals and to fit in any exercise at all (my job is sedentary)? I don't watch TV - and haven't for 8 yrs, I don't get an evening, I guess because I'm too tired and early morning, I'm already full-on busy, yet never manage to get even the essential household tasks or admin. for the business done.

Other than sleeping less, I can't see how to fit in exercise (and it'd have to be in the house exercise anyway, as I can't leave the twins on their own at their age). If there's any spare time at all, there's always something vital to do either domestically or for the business, eg I was up at 4.30am this morning cleaning the kitchen which hadn't been done for 4 days and then unblocking a 5 day long blocked toilet I hadn't had time to unblock before!!! YUK!

I'm largely vegetarian. I have a treadmill and bicyle trainer in the garage - both currently inaccessible under stuff I've not had time to sort out for years. In the distant past, I used to have to have a certain mindset to exercise and eat healthily. It was a sort of all-or-nothing thing - wheer, once I started being healthy, I was on a roll and sustained it. With children now, I can't manage this. A year or so ago, I did a few days of jogging on the treadmill but then, as always, something happened - children got sick/ business became more demanding etc etc - and so I didn't have time to keep it up. Same with eating: I can decide to buy in healthy stuff but when many of my meals involve only grabbing children't leftovers or whatever's the quickest food at hand to unwrap and eat, then I just don't have time to peel a carrot or make a proper meal for me.

Anyone else here got a similar life and yet somehow DOES fit in exercise and healthy meals? If so, enlighten me: How do you do it!

ready meal weight watchers

I get that you don't have time/feel like exercising but I don't get not having time to eat healthily.

What do you eat and what do you cook for the children?

I had to reply, not with any weight loss help but because it sounded like you were totally snowed under. Do you have any RL friends who could help you? Could you do some exercise with your children instead of taking them to lots of clubs etc? Could you cook some meals at the weekend to take some of the pressure offduring the week? Do you know any of your neighbours who could watch the kids for 20minutes so you could go for a brisk walk or jog? I think for your sanity you need to take some time out, I don't know how I would cope. It is difficult to have food that takes no time to prepare, is cheap and healthy, it is going to take a bit of time. Could you make sandwiches for your lunch at the same time as the kids packed lunch? r buy a healthy dip and just chop some veg for lunch. maybe you just need to tackly one thing at a time and gradually things might improve.
x

Can you eat the same food as your give your children? What sort of foods do they eat?

I completely understand the no time to exercise. I'm a single parent with 2 young children and when they're in bed I can't go out for a run/to the gym and am generally too tired anyway. I have a stepper that I use when I am watchign tv, washing up, anytime I am standing still.
As for eating healthily, I don't think it takes any more time. The key is preparation. If you don't buy crap, you can't eat crap. I am eating low carb at the moment, which is quite a quick and sustainable way to lose a stone I think. Breakfast takes minutes if it's eggs. As a veggie it might be a little harder. Can you meal plan for a week and get it delivered? This way you won't chuck in chocolates and things while you're in the supermarket and don't even have to find the time to go to the supermarket. The dc have been pretty much eating what I am, but with potatoes, rice and pasta.

Every time you eat crap, it´s a choice you´ve made.

Why do your children eat unhealthy food? If you give them nice food, when eating their leftovers that´ll be nicer too IYSWIM.

Or don´t eat their leftovers, eat WITH them (or the same as them) That way you´ll only cook once, and you have to cook anyway.

You sound very busy, and I hope you can make some time for yourself, be it for exercise or just relaxing. How about going for a walk with kids at WE?

Thank you for all the replies so far. During the week, I don't have any lunch-time break and so end up eating a cheese sandwich or something similar, on the go, rather than in my pre-children days, where I could make a veg. salad. I often end up eating the children's leftovers - like last night, they had spaghetti and cheese sauce and as it couldn't be reheated, there I was eating the rest in the pan and a pot previously too...Pre-children, I lived off lots of raw veg. and fruit with some rice/pasta/potatoes and had time to make big dishes of this sort of thing that I'd eat over a few days. Now, I find there's never any time at all, even at w/es. Meanwhile, the children are v fussy eaters and often won't even eat the same as each other but it's almost exclusively things like breaded chicken/ breaded fish/ rice/ potatoes/ chips and v v few veg. and virtually never fruit. They just won't eat that sort of thing. They also demand chocolate and one of them will only ever eat pain au chocolate for breakfast and nothing else...

So there'll be crisps and choc in the house, whereas there wasn't before - and leftover carbohydrates.

I guess what I'm saying is that a) the children eat unhealthily and won't eat the kind of food I used to eat b) there's little time to enforce changes with this or to make myself something healthy as well as their food too c) I literally am up and running with no breaks usually from 4.30am till 9.30pm d) I find it really hard to resist eating leftovers that would otherwise go in the bin! Hopeless case really!

As far as getting time for me, I've not watched TV for over 8 yrs, not been out for pleasure for over 8 yrs, no time to cultivate friendships and only ever socialise at the school gates at pick-up time. Either I meet other mums who are partnered/ don't work/ have relatives to support them - and are therefore having av different life to me, with much more time - or I don't meet the other type of mum - who works even longer hrs than I do but uses a nanny/ au pair. I'm trying to do it all and be mum and dad and grandparent and cleaner/ cook/ secretary/ accountant - all at the same time every day.

Fitting in healthy exercise feels impossible. Resisting picking at children' unhealthy foods feels too hard and meanwhile, the weight creeps up and up (I'm about 11 and a half stone and 5 ft 7 ins - whereas I was 10 and a half stone pre-children - not thin but just nicely rounded).

No time to write more now but thanks for the iinput.

Solo2 - You sound as if you are very stressed. I appreciate you are very busy but you need time for yourself too otherwise you will burn out. Do you have any childrens centres near you as they have lots of things going on that are free or very cheap? Are any of your friends local and able to help you out? Do you have anyone that can help with your work?

As for diets, I am doing one called Go Lower. I don't know if you have heard of it but they send you meals so you don't need the time to cook for youself. It's really easy.

I just started Slimming World, which I found easy to get into. I joined online so I didn't have to go out each week. No counting calories and not much weighing to do.

At 8 years old, your twins are old enough and might enjoy helping to plan and prepare their own menus - not with the dietary rules that you might choose to follow of course. For my children I printed a chart each with a box to fill in 5 fruit/veg and 3 dairy products each day. I also gave them a day of the week each when they were responsible for planning and preparing dinner and we set a rota for clearing up. Saved me time & stress and they enjoyed the responsibility.

Exercise is difficult to fit in. For parents, the easiest way to do it is to be active with your children. With babies you can do 10 mins skipping while they nap. With toddlers/preschoolers play hokey cokey & active rhyme games & chasing games for a good half hour each day. With primary age children, follow their interests - play football or dance with them, skipping, yoga, Wii Fit etc. With older children/teenagers again follow their interests and encourage them to teach you football/dance skills etc, or sign up for charity fun run and go training together.

If you have no family or neighbours who can babysit for you, can you find or start a babysitting circle so you can get a break now and again?

Hi ayla99 - I really like your idea that you use for your children. Mine are too young at the moment but that is definately a tip I will be using when mine are a bit older. I think with children anything that you can get them involved and feeling as if they are doing their bit themselves works well.

Also I know you said you are busy with your work and that you have to work whilst your children are at school but is there even half an hour within that time that you can take off to do something for yourself? At least whilst they are at school you will have time on your own. I don't know what your work is but are you able to get help with that so that you don't feel so run down. Have you thought about getting a virtual assistant to help you with the admin bits of your business so that you are not so stressed with the bits that earn you money?

Besides all this, I appreciate it is hard having a family and working from home. You feel as if you are never away from it and I think it sounds as if you are doing a really goodjob so give yourself a pat on the back from time to time too.

There are some really good ideas here. Thank you and chandon - you are right that everytime I eat crap, I am making a choice. The difficulty for me seems to be that I have this either/or mentality - Either I get into exercise, eat healthily and stick to this routine (this was how it used to be pre-children) - or I have no time to exercise, no time to think ahead about what I eat and so give up on healthy eating and exercise.

I couldn't even begin to imagine my twins helping with any meal prep pr clearing up - but I like the idea. During the school week, they have so much homework/music practice to do after school that I let anything else go - eg tonight, we got home around 4.15pm. I had three work phone calls to make and two to take, whilst starting each DS on homework and starting a meal. I looked in the fridge and there was fish and chips and breaded chicken all going out of date after today - so I chucked it all in the oven and did some more work....

One twin ate all his food, the other didn't want the fish, so I ate most of it as well as 2 tomatoes and 2 raw carrots. Both children refused the tomatoes and carrots and tangerines later.

I hadn't the time or energy for a battle but I guess this is the problem - not getting to grips with refusing them food they'll eat - but which isn't good for them - and enforcing healthy foods, which they'll refuse and fight me about.

I can see how I need to change. I just fail to find time and energy to make those changes.

There isn't even half an hr during the school day when I'm not working (in a profession allied to medicine)and the eveings just have me running around, trying to do admin., mothering, cooking, homework support, cat litter cleaning etc etc.

We used to dance a lot together - as my sons are into this, especially one of them, though neither is into football. But as the years go by, I find less and less time even for 15 minutes dancing with them. there always seems something else that needs to be done - like right now, I really need to unload the dishwasher, run the twins' bath, check their school nags for tomorrow and then begin some paperwork related to my business that is urgent and that I should really spend most of the night doing...

Meanwhile, I've just eaten some Malteser, that the children have also had tonight...Oh dear....Pre-children, I was a raw veg, healthy-eating, fairly fit person. I was brought up in a house where there was fruit and veg every day and only sweets and chocs as treats and here I am, feeding junk to the children - and so to myself too...

Sorry, I'm rambling now...I think I need a few hrs of a nanny at w/es really and a cleaner - but I'd use the w/e time to catch up on work or domestic tasks and exercise feels like a low priority - when of course it isn't really. As a single parent, with all of us solely reliant on my self-employed income, I have to watch what I spend though, so am averse to paid childcare and housekeepers, accountant, admin staff etc. and really need to do it all myself.

Don't know of any babysitting circle really and often playdates will be for one or other of the twins, so I rarely get any time off at w/es....

Better run their bath now!

I really feel for you Solo2. I am exhausted just reading your messages so can only imagine how you must be feeling.

If you want to find out about babysitting circles try somewhere like the local childrens centre. They might have details of something like that or is there a section on this website I think where you can find out about things like that.

Maybe try making chores into a game with the children so they can help. My son is only 4 but if I am putting clean washing away etc I make it into a game that gets him helping like asking if he knows where his underwear goes etc and if I fold it up he puts it away. Also with clearing up toys etc we have a race. I know it is only little things and your boys are older so maybe it wouldn't work with them (I only have experience of younger children so far!) but it may help.

I do hope things calm down for you. You really sound at the end of your tether. I suspect the issue isn't only with your diet/exercise, it sounds as if you are generally very exhausted and run down.

soup, the ultimate fast healthy food

I feel exhausted just reading about your average day. Stop buying so much crap food though - the pain au choc habit has to stop surely or the kids will end up with far worse long term weight problems! Our local Tesco garage does lovely red lentil soup, and sushi, and you can buy supermarket salads and stuff to keep in the fridge. Tinned mackerel with brown rolls and oil/balsamic vinegar and salad is good; tuna and sweetcorn and jacket potato (microwaved); baked beans; cereal; there are loads of 'healthy' options and you really, really need to start binning the kids leftovers and making yourself something healthy and enjoyable that will help you lose weight. Slimfast if you are desperate! For more exercise, run up and down the stairs 10x a day (take 5 mins but puff you out). Dance while the bath is running. It does sound like you need to slooooow dowwwwn but you don't sound like there's any give in your life. What happens if you are unwell?!! I hardly dare ask. Good luck x

You're right, you're right, danceaway. I've got to stop buying crap. The children won't eat the healthy things you suggest though and I don't eat meat or fish (they're NOT vegetarians but I am). They are SUCH fussy eaters.

I posted recently on another topic board about the sheer impossibility of when I'm ill....Yes, it's unbearable and the children are very very often ill themselves too, meaning I usually have two to three nights and days awake with no sleep in every two to three weeks - which is no wonder I end up getting ill myself...

But then I wonder is this all because I don't MAKE them eat better foods....exercise more as a family....de-stress...then it just goes into guilt and hopelessness.

When I'm not working - which is a sedebtary job, I am however never still and never watch TV, never sit down even if the children are sititng down, as there's always something more to do...except now, when I've snatched a moment at the PC.

How do you get very fussy 8 yr olds to eat more healthily? One is very obsessional about what he'll eat (he's very very lightly 'touched' with Asperger's-like stuff) and for example refuses to eat breakfast unless it's pain au choc or, at w/e soft bolied egg with the 'soldiers' cut exactly right. He will eat veg. but it has to be in a certain order of eating all of each thing on his plate and with foods not mixed with each other....and loads of ketchup.

The other twin will try many more different foods, but- as I've posted on another topic about recurrent sickness, has an inborn tendency to vomit at least twice a week - if he tries new food, overeats (this DS is INCREDIBLY skinny BTW), thinks of slugs/ spiders/ sees someone with a runny nose, smells something he doesn't like...LOADS of reasons. So I often don't dare to get him to try different foods and he HATES all fruit, except pineapple and hates all veg.

Guess I'm veering off-topic now. Sorry. I seem to be stuck in a vicious circle with dead-ends at all the possible exits...

But I know that can't really be true...I just need to force myself to accept more confrontations with the children and ensure we all eat healthier food and if/ when we're not ill (and there are VERY few w/es of school hols when no one is ill), make us all get out for exercise.

It is really hard with fussy eaters. With my kids I am able to make meals like curry, spag bol, stew etc and hide vegetables in it. I blend them up really small so the kids don't even know they're in there.

Similarly would you be able to make fruit smoothies for the kids?

I hope things work out for you as it sounds very hard for you at the moment.

You seem to be having a really hard time of it!
You obviously realise your problem is time. It does take time to prepare healthy food - not much time but more than throwing something in the oven.

My kids can be fussy with veg and salad but I know they like certain things like corn on the cob, green beans, baby corn, cherry tomatoes. When they sit down to dinner, I serve the veg first in a little bowl and then the rest of the food after. They'll eat it as they're hungry.
Do you have a garden? Get the kids out in the garden while you get on with stuff.

You are obviously overworked. Is there anyway you can cut down on some of your work? Otherwise something will have to give and unfortunately, it looks like its yours and your family's health at the moment.

Good luck.

I feel exhausted reading your posts! Can I just suggest that you encourage your dcs to take on some responsibilities, ie my 2 dd (aged 6 and 5) pack their own school bags, make their own beds, empty the dishwasher.

I am really worried for you as you sound so stressed and overwhelmed by your current situation.

Thanks for the concern. Yes, I'm stressed but I am coping and there are better and worse moments. Last night, I got the twins to write down the veg. and fruit they'd be prepared to eat and they each had a big list of possibilities....BUT....today, haven't done a supermarket shop....slept in till 6am and read till DSSs came in at 7pm - really, really laet for them. Breakfast was...unfortunately, pain au choc. for twin 1 and cheese sandwich with onion and cucmber for twin 2 - but he only ate half of it. This is the DS with small appetite, tendency to vomit a lot and v v slim. Took them to their riding lesson and then into town to buy school equipment....

That's where the eating thing got worse....they were hungry and so we got M&S sandwich pack for DS1 and sausage roll for DS2 and then DS1 ate a packet of crisps and some cheese and onion twist bread and some cheese bread....all of which he loves and we rarely go to M&S...DS2 then ate some cheese and onion twist bread and I ate a veg samosa and packet of crisps...

Oh no! Did it again - loads of carbs for all of us and no fruit/ veg....I also had two tangerines and offered them to the twins but they refused...

Home to jobs/ domestic tasks and played a bit of football for 15 mins in garden with them. they refuse to be in the garden unless I'm with them and each one won't go in alone. We have quite a big garden but this means I can only get them out if I've got time to go too. DS1 wouldn't even come in at all first and wanted to go on his PC but I kind of sold him the idea. He's the one of them that needs the exercise.

Felt good we'd run around a bit but then back in house, they begged me to watch TV for a bit, "Mummy, can't we do something else together as a family? Please watch with us!"

Then more carbs....DS1 of course not hungry at all now but DS 2 had wholemeal bun with more cheese and onion, as did I too and again I offered tangerines and both refused.

So here we are - bathtime now...no fruit or veg eaten (hardly any anyway)...limitedexercise...me feeling guilty I didn't do more exercise with them and also find time to do shop so we had fruit and veg in house but also relieved I didn't have to make a meal today...unfortunately, succumbed to buying them Bangers and Mash from M & S to save me time/ cooking tomorrow...

Also guilty as I've got some urgent paperwork to do and not started this yet and fele pulled between children/ domestic tasks and my business...

wnyme2 - your DSs are great to do jobs already! Even today, mine will expect me to fetch the eraser from the cupboard, find the clipboard, bring them another drink etc etc and no way would do a job for me unless I psyche myself up for a major confrontation.

Peabody, I like this idea of feeding the veg/ fruit BEFORE any other food and when they're already really hungry. In fact the only times they've eaten a bit of banana, a raw carrot or a slice of apple is when they've been starving and I've fed them this before lunch...

Must get to supermarket tomorrow and buy some healthy food. Never organise quick enough to shop regularly online...

Better get DS1 out of bath, once I've washed his hair and get DS2 into bath. Thanks for input.

Get a cleaner and or and au pair.
Do a meal plan for the week, do your food order online get it delivered, this will save you loads of time during the week and improve everbody's eating.

Even if you don't cook from scratch get yourself some healthish ready meals and even some anabel karmel ones for your children. Children leftovers are so tempting when you are not looking after yourself and feeding yourself.

Waking up at 4.30am is not good for weight gain think there is research on that.

I thought my life was tough. You need to pay for help for all your sakes.

Forget about getting fit for now - wait until you can leave them on their own at home.

Hi Solo2, how are things going this week?

How nice of you to ask after me, mummymels {smile} I've not had time to post - a very busy week with extra things going on at the twins' school that I prioritse but then the knock on effect that I'm further behind with everything else.

The twins have had healthier meals recently. They even ate trout and cauliflower cheese last night - or at least tried out the trout - a first for them - and tolerated some unbreaded cod and cheese sauce and veg and pasta the other night too, instead of the constant breaded stuff and chips. DS1 who was only eating pain au choc for bkfast has had every other day without - and sometimes not eaten at all but also once had toast and some fruit.

But once again there's less time to consider me. I tried eating more salad stuff and not having choc bars but have currently got a mild tummy bug that makes me either not want to eat at all or only bland carbs like toast and crisps. Still, the trouser waistbands are a little less tight, though I'd prefer to be healthy than ill but losing a couple of pounds!

I still can't get over the all-or-nothing attitude - like what i really want to do is start running again just about daily, in conjunction with eating only v healthy food. But as there's no time to do this regularly (and feel ill anyway at present) and am overwhelmed with other things needing to be done - I kind of give up before I get started.

I did have a cleaner but she left and I've not had time to re-advertise and 'interview'. I ditched a cleaning agency as they were so awful, some time back too.

I also want to get an occasional babysitter for weekend daytimes when I need to be doing paperwork in the house and the children could do something more constructive than just being on their PCs all the time. But again not had time to organise myself to find someone, try them out a few times, see if children like them and then fix it up properly.

Not even begun Xmas shopping and have maybe a 2 hr slot to do it all before Xmas - whether that's online or in town!

Thanks again for asking about me {smile}

Hi Solo2, I was worried about you reading your previous messages but you sound much happier and more positive in this one, it is so good to hear. Plus that's great news on what your twins have been eating this week, I don't think I could get my kids to eat proper fish and cauliflower cheese! I hope everything is ok at the boys school.

Sorry to hear you have been feeling unwell. I hope you are on the mend soon.

I hope you manage to find a cleaner and/or babysitter soon. Maybe ask around friends for recommendations. I hope I am not rude asking, but does the twins dad ever take them off your hands for you?

Thanks again, mummymels. I'm what's known as a Choice Mum and there is no ex and never has been.

I made a conscious decision to have children on my own - so of course I feel as if I just have to cope with everything and make it work, as it's entirely my own choosing to go it alone. My bio. clock was ticking away and despite considering various possible boyfriends ocer the yrs, none was good Dad material and I wasn't getting any younger.

So I worked for 4 yrs both full-time employed and evenings and weekends self-employed too and built up some resources and then went ahead alone (USA sp*donor so I could get loads of info about him and childhood photos and he's also what's called an Identity Release donor - someone who's willing to meet offspring when they reach 18 and reveal name etc etc - so the children will never have to cope lifelong with never knowing 50% bio.genetic roots.)

I'm very lucky really to have my twins and have no regrets. In fact, it's the best thing I ever did and the twins have never not known the whole story and how much I wanted them and how much I'll always be grateful to their donor father.

What I didn't plan for was the huge amount of domestic tasks that need to be done for children! (I'd just thought about the lovely mothering bit!), the lack of sleep (they were premature and never slept more than 1 to 2 hrs at a time for their first 5 yrs!!) and the loss of the social support I'd set-up plus the deaths of my mother and father.

So unlike some others I know who are Choice Mothers, who have family and friends around them to help, I'm very much doing this entirely alone and also because of another choice I made (to send my children to private school), I need to work very hard to make enough to cover fees and extras.

So you can see that all this is entirely my choice...it's just that sometimes I need to rant a bit about how hard it is!

All the more reason of course to get myself in a healthier, fitter shape, as the twins have only me and will only ever have me - as I can't even imagine a time when I'd have time to think about dating again!!

I was worried about you too. You made a fantastic decision to have children alone, and you are obviously trying to do the best for them educationally as well as spending enough time with them. You are right to consider your own long term health. You are being superwoman and you know you need to build a support network but have not time or energy to do so. It will get easier as they grow up. Do you have any male friends that can spend some time with the boys.