Brave for being FAT and going in a swimming pool?!?

[cheekymonk]

Hi everyone, hope you are having a good bank hol!
Thing is, I took ds swimming on Sat (he is 4)
and just enjoyed our time together. I loved swimming when I was small and enjoy being in the water and he is the same. I am self conscious if I have to stand around out of the pool eg. when waiting for ds to reach bottom of flume etc and am aware I am larger than 95% of people but I get on with it.
Anyway a random woman nervously looks at me and I smile and then she says
" i really admire you for coming in the pool. My friend is size 14 and she won't go anywhere near a pool so her kids miss out. You obviously don't mind so fair play to you"
I was flabbergasted and really didn't know what to say!! I muttered something about life's too short but I have since thought about it alot. Does being fat make me such a freak I need sheer bravery to enter a pool??
It seems that people think they can judge/say what they like when you are a big person.
I am a size 26 and weigh about 23 stone. I am big and really have issues with food but I don't have the motivation to tackle it at the moment. I just don't think being fat is a crime. I know its a health issue and all of the risks and I do worry about it but comments like this aren't helpful and made me feel even more isolated.
Any thoughts on how I could have responded or how you would take such a remark??
btw she was skinny

i would have told her to fuck off - really. patronising beatch.

LOL! What a dweeb

I would have said "And well done YOU. Most people who don't have social skills stay at home but fair play to you!"

pmsl @ mp.

I'm not sure what to say to that really, I reckon she thought she was complimenting you albeit if it came out a bit back handed. I know what she means though as I won't go near a swimming pool and I'm a size 12- my kids do miss out.

That made me LOL mp- thanks! Yes, justcallmegoat thats I wish I responded!

Really suwoo? God thats awful that you feel that badly about your body.

wtf, what a stupid fucking remark, same could be said for women who are 6 stone.

I'm just under 18st and loooove swimming

I think she was trying to be supportive. It is clear her friend has a problem with going in the pool, it is not unreaonable that she thinks other people would too. The fact that she was nervous makes me think she was obviously worried about saying the wrong thing and wanted to get it right. Ok, she missed by a mile but at least she was trying to be nice.

I don't know how I would have responded, I would have liked to get across that she was saying the wrong thing whilst not making her feel too bad IYSWIM. How do you kow this was not a desperate attempt at making outside contacts from someone with low self esteem?

TBH, I think it is a bit sad if an ill-thoughtout comment is enough to make you need to tell someone to F. Off.

Yes really, cheekymonk- sad isn't it. My Dh doesn't really see me naked either but I know there isn't really anything wrong with my body either.

Enough of that, I still think like my previous post she was admiring of you, in comparison to a friends inability to reveal her body, it just came out a bit weird. There is never a nice way to say something like that 'correctly' and she is probably weighing it up now and feeling mortified that she may have offended you.

Yes, I did feel she was trying to make conversation but weight is a touchy subject for most people. Yes it was probably a very clumsy attempt at trying to be friendly and I did respond politely and we talked for a couple of minutes but I felt affronted and awkward and hurt. I don't make friends easily so know how it feels when you are trying to "reach out" but children are an easy conversation opener, why bring weight into it? It was the first thing a complete stranger said to me which is why after giving it some thought I wish I had let her know it upset me.
Thanks kingcanute for another pov.

I can see both sides.

Is it a bit like noticing someone has lost weight but you don't want to say incase they think you thought they were huge before??

I go to a weekly spin class, there's a lady there who I have noticed has dropped about 1.5stone since starting...I want to tell her she looks great & I really notice weight off her, but I don't even know her first name!!

I think that woman just meant that you were 'braver' than her friend who won't go into the pool...though she really had no need to say anything to you, it's not as if she knew you or anything, did she? MAybe if she was your friend & knew what way you would take it, it's be different.

I've lost a bit of weight lately (not even 1 stone but it does make a difference in some clothes) anyway, I work with a man who has no social skills whatsoever... last week he had sweets & asked me if I wanted one. I said thanks but i'm trying to cut out the rubbish... he said "Yes, I meant to say to you that I noticed you had trimmed down a bit...though you still have a spare tyre." I just thought, My God..... have you no wit at all????

I came on here to hear different interpretations of it. I don't think she intended to hurt me, it wasn't said in that way but nevertheless, it was a careless comment. Thanks for your input ladies!

Blimey Connie! Don't let the idiot put you off!!!

Weight is a touchy subject, I understand that. It is easy to be off the cuff about something that does not affect you! Having said that though, I think her point was more about you making sure your children were getting something her friend was denying them than your weight (although the two are interlinked in reality).

I agree that she should not have said anything like that at all, as you say chatting abut children is an easy way in if you want to make contact!