23rd FEBRUARY!

[HecateQueenOfGhosts]

Just spoken to hospital. This is the date (unless they cancel!) I have just been given for my operation (gastric sleeve). finally - a date! But I am now BRICKING myself!

yay and erk too Hecate

I know! I am scared! I am making death plans

But I am also picturing myself with an actual LIFE!!!!! yippee

tbh, if I have the op I will probably be ok, but there's a real chance I could die, but if I DON'T have the op, I don't even have 5 years left. I wish I hadn't got where I am, but I did and I can't turn back time, I can only go from where I am NOW. It's do or die. (or maybe do AND die! ) but I have to try. I am out of time.

It's funny, but I am at the stage where either is fine. Do you see what I mean? If the op goes well and I come out of it and have a normal life, then great. But if I don't make it, I'm fine with that too. The only thing I can't bear is to stay like I am right now.

you're back!

this sounds scary/exciting ... you have been waiting a while then?

how long will you be in hospital for?

Been waiting YEARS!! (mostly because I had to tackle my needle phobia first! - I am having CBT and doing well.)

I have no idea how long I will be in hospital. I am sure they told me but they've given me so much info to take in that it's got lost! I would imagine a few days to a week, depending on how I'm recovering. (IF I'm recovering!)

Either way - I'm in for a rest! short one or long one!

wowwweeeeeeeeeeee

good luck!!

Thanks. I'm excited and terrified in equal measure!

I keep trying to talk about my funeral and I'm not sure but I think dh is getting about ready to shake me!!

Oh wow Hecate. Scary and terrifying and exciting all at one hey?

Will be avidly following your progress so you had better make it!

I am sure I will. But there is a risk and I want to be prepared for that too! But nobody wants to talk to me about that! I understand, they don't want to think about it - and no doubt I will be fine! But there is a chance I won't make it, and I want to plan. I understand the people who love me don't want to hear me run through my funeral arrangements! But does it make sense when I say I need to do that? And write letters for the kids?

Like I say, no doubt I'll be fine, but what if I'm not? Some people in my situation do die. It's a fact, it's not me being pessimistic or dramatic.

So that possibility has to be faced too. And it's the one that's the problem, so it's the one I need to get straight - if I make it, great, sorted, nothing to deal with so I don't need to spend time arranging that, do I?

Do you see what I mean?

I see what you mean. If you get all that be sorted in your head you can concentrate on being OK.

You could do all that without stressing everyone by making them think about it and leave letters and instructions somewhere safe that and just tell one person where it all is?

You are right buda.