Mental attitude and weight loss

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I am a healthy BMI, but have a small, untoned frame and every pound I gain really shows. Last year, after having 3 kids and aged 43, I finally lost all of the baby weight and got back to my prebaby weight. 5.5kg off! I was delighted! I gave away all of my new mum clothes and bought myself a new wardrobe. Got a new hairstyle, makeup etc etc and felt great.

Then there was one thing after another, mostly some flare ups of a chronic health condition that I have which led me to over eating. I kept trying to get back on top of it but allowed life to drag me off.

A year later and I have put on every single kg. All the lovely new things I got last year dont fit properly and I dont feel good. So here I am again, starting again but not wanting to yo yo again. I had tried very hard to lose weight again slowly and gently but it didn't work. I can only lose when I go at it aggressively and just deny myself treats. I have tried everything and it's all just calorie counting and not eating those calories after 7pm.

I can't have things in moderation because I am not moderate, so they all have to go. Then when ill health hits, I hit the chocolate or the many other crappy food items that I fantasise about all of the time.

I just got back from holidays and the photos shocked me. I said 'i look huge' and dh said (kindly) 'Don't worry, babe! You're on holiday!' There is one photo where I look like a sea beast with a 45 degree angle double chin, and in another, even my neck and shoulders looked like something out of the Hulk. I was so swollen and full of water and salt from all food we were eating that I looked like I had a hump on my back! My husband who is the most complimentary man and who always tells me nice things, also seemed surprised at my change of shape.

Anyway we got home a week ago and I I.mediately got straight back on it. Protein, fibre, small portions of wholegrain carbs, lots and lots of water, and 1.5 kg fell off. The double chin is gone, as is the hump and huge shoulders. I have been back on, and have started strength training again.

I want those 5kg off for good. I cannot seem to ever have mastery over what goes into my mouth! I am not a candidate for a GLP but have to just rely on my strength of character to deny myself treats. I just want to eat all the time!

How do you keep yourself going? What do you say to yourself when you get a craving? How do you over come it? Come join me as I try to claw back last year's weight loss!

I think if you want to be at the smaller end of the weight range for your height, the more strict and disciplined you need to be.

I have had to really change my mindset about how many calories I should be having. This whole 2k for a woman and 2.5k for a man is bollocks if you want to be leaner and don’t have huge muscles already.

I cheat, on weekends I have a black Huel at 2pm then dinner. I don’t eat breakfast anymore and I very rarely have any alcohol. I have not had a cake, chocolate or sweet treat other than yoghurt or fruit (apart from one night on holiday) this year. I have tried dieting with the every thing in moderation mentality and it didn’t work.

I think acceptance that you need fewer calories and they need to be productive ones, along with the strength training and regular exercise as well as being vocal to yourself and possibly others that you feel it’s worthwhile.

When I go away for work, everyone else wants 3 courses and alcohol. I pick the healthiest possible option for a main and unless there is a starter that is 100 calories or something like edamame beans then I stick to the main course and a non alcoholic drink. It’s boring and yes I get the oh is that all your having, look at the (800 calorie) dessert options don’t you want one or a cocktail etc but I just explain that I’m trying to get into shape and if pressed start talking about my weight training regime until they get bored 😂 or ask for a pot of herbal tea instead 🥳

Thank you for your reply. You get me! I completely agree that we over consume calories and I would gain so much weight if I ate 2000 calories a day.

I was a chubby teenager and lost 4 and a half stone when I was 21. I kept this off for all of my twenties. Then I had my first baby at 31, gained 4 stone and lost 3 and a half before I got pregnant again. Same thing happened with the second and the third. This spanned a decade and then last year I was so disciplined and lost so much weight to the point my mum told me I had lost too much (i didn't think so!).

I teach Reception full time and found that I just could not get through the week on my level of calories. I was also 'pushing through' with workouts when I was running on empty and would end up with migraines that would knock me out for days. I decided last year that I needed to up my calories a bit, but that slid into negligent territory and the weight gradually all went back on.

I couldnt sleep last night and got up for a small snack and it turned into a bit of a binge. I am so fed up of myself!!! I added up my calories from my snack festival and it was around 900. I had done so well too!

So it's just a cycle of me losing control over and over again. How do you handle cravings and 'food noise'? I am currently 60kg and want to get back down to 55 so dont think I am eligible for GLP1, plus am worried about side effects even if I were to procure it.

It’s boring, but eating lots of nutritious food stops food noise. If your body feels satisfied you won’t binge. I’ve finally got a grip of my eating by focusing on protein, fruit, veg, smaller portions of carbs and healthy fats. I don’t waste my calories on junk any more. I’m finally at a weight I’m happy with and it feels sustainable. I’m never hungry, I eat three good meals a day. The weight loss was slow compared to the big crash diets I’ve done in the past, but this has actually worked.

Now I’m at maintenance and have enough calories to include icecream and cakes if I want it, but the urge to over eat it has gone.

Have you ever done a long fast? I do them occasionally for there other benefits and knowing I can do 48 hours plus without food, gives me a wierd confidence to ignore the food cravings.

I get the food noise and temptation is everywhere, although we have limited that at home. We just don’t have it in the house.

At 45 I’m probably lighter than I was at 18. I have avoided buying clothes for years as every item was scrutinised as to whether I felt it made things look big or I just didn’t want to try things on. So now I keep focused by shopping on Vinted and looking at size 8 clothes does keep me focused. I wear short dresses now and shorts in public! I’m lucky DH is in exactly the same head space so he is extremely supportive and not coming home with things he shouldn’t be. We have agreed dinners and understand when the other one wants to fit in an exercise session.

I know people without that support and it is so much harder. He gets that eating out means checking menus first to see what the options are, or just going to the pub garden for a Diet Coke.

Some GLP 1s can be done privately and for lighter weights but I don’t know details. Could you get a dream outfit or failing that book a holiday involving swimwear? I went away with DHs family earlier this year and being seen by them in my swimwear was highly motivating

I’m someone who lost a huge amount of weight 7 years ago and kept it off, but every day it takes work and denying temptation. People don’t realise it. I miss out constantly to stop the weight going back on. It feels like the body just wants to get fat again! People think healthy eating is for a limited amount of time but its for the rest of their lives. You just have to have hyper focus every day. It’s boring but I’m so happy being slim and confident every time I wake up.

It's really hard. I do allow myself some ice cream or the odd Freddo otherwise I do get into a binge situation. I can't say never again. I'd rather lose it slowly. I've upped my protein and fibre and cut down on carbs and generally am eating less. And if I do have ice cream I don't eat a proper meal as well.
Drinks will fill you up as well.
Good luck!

Thanks everyone. I put weight back on last year and gave ChatGPT a prompt to help me lose weight in a sustainable way that wasn't the same yo-yo dieting I have done over the past few years. ChatGPT gave me a plan that I think was too high calorie, and like what you said @VipFi, didn't advise me to skip a meal if I had over indulged. I did not lose any weight. ChatGPT kept saying to be patient and this method would be sustainable but nothing happened.

I find that for me to lose weight, there have to be periods of time where I am extremely strict and very low calorie. Once I break through a certain threshold, I can then increase my calories again. The general consensus these days is that this is disordered eating but I just see it as maths. I lost over four stone more than twenty years ago and kept it off for a long time. That process involved some periods of very low calories. For about a year my lunch was one can of Weight Watcher's soup, two ryvita with one Laughing Cow Light triangle 😄 Dinner was a ham and egg salad.

So I guess in an effort to be healthier I have shaved off the strictness and it is not working. Its frustrating.

How tall are you op? You sound like me - every pound shows (and people don’t believe me!)

5 foot 4 and 59.9kg. It sounds very light and it is but I still seem to have a lot of body fat for my frame. I am xs or size 8 in dresses and tops and people don't believe me. When I am 57kg I think I look about a stone lighter!

Oh my god - I’m basically the same! I’m 5ft 4 and 58kg. People describe me as ‘tiny’ but I’m not at all toned (my own fault!) and if I put on the teeniest bit of weight my clothes feel and look different.

How about some weight training and body recomposition instead? You don't need to drop pounds as such, but you say yourself, you have too much fat for your frame. Having more muscle will significantly improve how your body looks like in bikini. And you will start looking at food as fuel to feed the muscles, instead of something to deny yourself.

I could have written your posts, OP.

I am so tired of battling every day. I don't believe a PP who said something like 'if you eat healthily the cravings go away', no, they fucking don't! I can be full from a lovely, tasty, healthy meal full of protein, fibre and complex carbs and still have to argue myself out of wanting to scarf down a whole tub of Haagen-dasz.

I don't need to lose weight but am seriously thinking of trying WLIs (hence this user name) to see if they will shut off the food noise.