How can I break the cycle with weight loss and comfort eating?

[CantStop1]

I am posting on here because I feel like my weight is really spiralling out of control. I won’t give you the story of my life but I’ve basically been overweight since I was a kid (I am mid 30s), but I’ve put more and more weight on in my adult years. I am now verging on 17 stone.

I have tried calorie counting and seem to do well for the first month or so and then completely fall off the bandwagon.

I have tried mounjaro twice but both times gave up because food makes me “happy” (we all know it doesn’t) and I hated not having food to comfort myself. I also felt like it wasn’t working that effectively at times and I definitely wasn’t in the right mindset (I was still eating crap basically). I am thinking of trying it again but actually this time focusing on eating a nutritious and healthy diet etc. I never got past 7/8 weeks and 5mg.

I know I probably need therapy but right now I don’t want to pursue that.

What can I do to stop this vicious cycle? I’ve never had a long term boyfriend, I’ve always lacked confidence, I have no style whatsoever, I hate the way I look. Yet I can’t stop myself. It’s like torture. HELP!

I used to binge eat unhealthy foods when I got home from work then still eat a full meal for dinner. I read a book on binge eating & the one thing that worked for me was stop telling yourself you can't have this or you mustn't eat that as you will only want it more. Tell yourself "I will eat what I want, when I want it. I am in control of my eating ". By giving yourself permission you will want that food less. It works for me

What was the book @Thebinisrightthere?

Hi and well done for posting, writing it down and asking for help is hard.

Please keep posting on here, we are a truly supportive bunch and we all understand how hard it can be.

Apart from food what else makes you happy? Food is so easy to use as a crutch or reward or distraction or stress reliever , but there are other options and it can be hard to find replacements.

I would restart the injections, but as you say focus on eating properly, maybe learn some new meals and find other fixes. I track my steps and getting them and hitting that goal makes me happy each day. Keep posting on here, getting support, sharing advice and feeling like you are in a group.

Maybe set yourself some targets and factor in rewards, so you can give yourself a makeover. I have lost weight and am enjoying clothes shopping for the first time. I’m trying to find my style and have fun. You can do this, you need to believe in yourself and keep thinking about what the end result will look like.

It may have been this one

Thanks

I know you said you don’t want to pursue therapy but it sounds like you are deeply reliant on food as a psychological crutch. You might find it’s not possible to lose weight until you’ve dealt with that.

I started taking MJ because I was struggling to control my drinking. A couple of weeks after I started, something particularly stressful happened and for a short while I was actively disappointed I couldn’t ‘escape’ by drinking (I don’t get a buzz from drinking on MJ so no dopamine hit / no escape). I guess perhaps you feel the same? Like an addict who’s not ready to quit. Anyway, I probably need therapy too but I’ve stuck with the jabs and I don’t miss the escapism anymore.

self help books might help a bit but if you’ve been in this cycle your whole life you might need something more. Good luck whatever you do

I have been overweight all my life and tried every diet. I was referred by GP to More life and they encourage you to keep a food diary. No food is forbidden but they also advise what a balanced day looks like and how to reduce carb and increase protein.
I have only eaten 2 meals a day for a couple of years and my lunch is porridge or lentil soup so it was very frustrating to not lose weight, however I h have been told I must have breakfast going forward. But , the food diary is a game changer as you record everything that goes in your mouth. I was having healthy snacks but too many. A handful of nuts is 250 calories and I was having 2-3 a day.
Get a decent app on your phone and get familiar with what you eat daily and it will make you think twice when you fancy a snack! It will also analyse what you eat and suggest how it could be more healthy.

I once did one of these liquid diets and I remember in about week two this immense grief came over me , it was weird I just missed food so much

my advice:

1. as much as possible, cook your own food. i won't lie this one is difficult especially at first if you are used to convenience, but it gets easier. i focus on really easy recipes where the only effort is chopping veg and meat, like stew and rice, and make enough to eat leftovers for lunch. i eat fairly big potions because it's all good healthy food : protein, lots of vegetables, healthy fats, rice or potatoes for carbs. i do cheat at breakfast, i'll have porridge if i'm cooking but otherwise i'll grab something easy like toast and fruit. i eat as much fruit as i want, you have to find fruit and veg you genuinely like and want to eat and stick to those, don't buy "aspirational" veg that ends up thrown away
2. i don't calorie count, it's soul destroying and statistically very likely to cause you to fail. i'd focus on cooking and eating whole foods as much as possible instead and the weight will just "fall off"
3. be happy with a weight on the mid or high end of healthy. don't aim to be as tiny as possible 100 pound waif because it will set you up for failure
4. take care of yourself, practice good sleep and hygiene, put some budget aside for nice new clothes etc. buy them at your current size, not a size you might one day be. basically work on your confidence

i'm currently maintaining a 20kg loss with these methods

I'm not sure you need therapy, OP. You've identified you comfort eat and you enjoy food. You just need to enjoy food in a way that nourishes your mind and body.

You also need to find something else to bring you comfort. A journal can help so that you write down how you feel and don't eat how you feel. Writing when you feel a certain way makes you pause so you don't do anything reactive or impulsive.

Find a favourite calorie free drink and have that instead of food in times of stress, boredom or whatever else triggers you to eat.

I lost over 14st counting calories, so it does work, but your mind has to allow you to pursue your goal in a way that feels helpful and not like eating less is some form of punishment.

Finally, do you really want to lose weight or do you think you have to for some reason? I find that when I resent trying to lose weight it's because I'm not doing it for me. I'm doing it because I think society wants me to, I don't want to be ashamed and fear judgement from friends, family, medical or even strangers. That gives me motivation, temporarily, but then I eat because I tell myself I don't care what others think but care after I eat in an unhealthy way, again.

You've had some good advice here. I hope you find your way, whatever that is, soon!

Try listening to “Rewire Your Weight”, a podcast by Rachel Foy. It’s all about learning to trust yourself around food and unpacking why we comfort eat.

The Hunger Habit by Judson Brewer is also excellent!

If you have the time watch this:
Panel Discussion - How to overcome food addiction #PHC2023

There is a lot of over lap between emotional eating and food addiction.
Best wishes.

Increase your exercise

I am 30kg down since sept (19.7 to 15 so still a way to go) and i am just being better

I go to the gym/ swimming 4x a week
I have about 1600 cal a day
I have a bit of choc a day but two squares rather than the whole bar
I still have pudding every day but dont go crazy

The only way is to keep at it long term. I am setting myself mini goals of e.g 5kg loss in 2 months (about 11lb) - something achievable

Every journey starts with a decision to make the first step. Go for it.