Should I accept this or keep trying (unsuccessfully)

[Jennysnothere]

I’m 60, for the last 20 years I have weighed as high as 16 stone, mostly around 14 stone but for the last 5 years around 12 stone. I’m only 5 foot 4 inches so still overweight/bordering obese.

I currently weigh 12 stone 4. I would really like to be 10 stone but cannot seem to get below the 12 stone mark. No matter what I try I’d say for the last few years I’ve been trying to get lower. It just doesn’t happen. I even tried GLP1 injections but the chronic side effects (nausea and debilitating insomnia) meant I couldn’t stay on them.

unfortunately I have a severe sweet tooth which scuppers most of my efforts, it’s like an addiction with serious withdrawal effects.

Anyway, my DH says I look fine and should just accept myself as I am, that I’ve probably hit my ‘natural’ body weight and that my body just won’t let me drop any more weight. I do small group training sessions 3 times a walk, cardio sessions 2 times a week and walk a lot, at least 2 x dog walks a day so it’s not like I’m lacking exercise.

Just wondering what others thought. Is it true that I’ve hit my natural body weight? Should I just accept myself as I am or do I keep trying to lose weight?

I agree with others, might be worth getting checked for diabetes. That does sound extreme. I get that protein shakes fill you up, I have them myself sometimes to up my protein. But it may be worth trying something else to see if it helps with the sugar cravings. It doesn't sound like you're craving sugar because you're hungry so the fact that a protein shake is filling is by the by really

Also are you on HRT? That helps with irritability and mood.

It’s a trade off, I think. Yes, eating like a protein-crazed rabbit might help you weigh less, but are the down sides actually worth it to you? Only you know.

I weigh nearly a stone more than I used to. I looked fabulous slimmer. But it turns out the amount of hunger/tiredness/long walks/etc involved with losing weight beyond where im currently at, and keeping that up for the long term, isn’t worth it to me.

Oddly, mortality rates actually seem to be lowest for people somewhere in the mid-low range of ‘overweight’.

Op it sounds like you're trying to eat very little during the day and then because you're running on empty, you're craving sugar and then bingeing and shaming yourself
Rather than focusing on what you want to cut out for a bit, try adding some food in! Add more protein, fibre and healthy fats into your meals. You'll find your sugar cravings much easier to manage.

Hi OP,

Have a look at the Freshwell app. It was recommended on here by another mumsnetter.
I started end of November and have now lost nearly a stone.

OP, you absolutely CAN lose weight, but you need to decide if you actually want to. Or, more specifically, whether you want to lose weight more than you want to eat so many sweets and chocolates.
Neither answer is ‘right’, you are perfectly able to choose to stay the weight you are. That’s totally fine! But if you want to lose weight, you are going to need to change things.

Firstly, that’s going to mean changing your mentality. You don’t “need” sweet things. You want them. Which is totally normal. There’s nothing I’d love more than to eat like my 6 year old at a birthday party but I accept that, if I do that, I absolutely will put on weight. Most people love sugar - that’s normal. It gives us a dopamine rush and peps up our energy and makes us feel great….in the short term. In the longer term it gives us horrible highs and crashes, and leads to weight gain. And weight gain leads to health issues, but also to feeling shit about yourself. Which leads to reaching for a chocolate bar….

If you want to lose weight (and I’m not saying you have to or even that you should - you have to decide if you want to), then I’d suggest the following:

• ditch the protein shake. They seem like a great idea but they’re usually full of sweeteners and/or sugar. Whenever I have one I end up consuming MORE calories during the day than if I eat actual food.
• If your schedule allows, I’d switch to two ‘lunch’ meals, one at 11ish when you start getting hungry, then another at about 2/3pm. That should stop the mid afternoon ‘need’ for sugar. Make them protein-based. Eggs, chicken, a bit of cheese, something like that.
• Your evening meal doesn’t seem that bad, but you really shouldn’t need to be eating again at 8pm. I totally understand the needing to finish a meal with something sweet (and an apple doesn’t cut it for me either). Can you try a low calorie hot chocolate? Or a square or two of dark chocolate? And then brush your teeth before you sit down to watch tv so you’re not tempted to dive back into the sugar stash.

Is your DH a sugar addict too? It is so much harder to avoid sweet things when you’re sitting next to someone who’s eating them… would he support you by forgoing the sweet treats for a while?

I hope none of this sounds preachy. I’m also losing weight at the moment and found following the above really helps. I do let myself have sweet things, but only within my daily calorie allowance. That way I don’t feel deprived, but I know I’m still going to lose weight.

And if you decide you’re happy as you are, great! Don’t lose weight for anyone else or because you feel you ‘should’. Do it for you.

This is a fantastic post

Which glp 1 did you try? And how bad were the side effects? I was the same stats as you until mj, yes there were some unpleasant side effects but boy did it shift the weight and change the mindset, I pushed through and am a different person 1 Yr on.

I thought for years I was eating well and hrt or age was stopping me loosing weight.
Ive realised at 53 I need FAR less food than I used to and have lost 11 lbs since January by logging and weighing everything and actually facing up to how much I was eating.
it’s definitely possible to loose the weight but it’s not going to happen without work and lots of exercise.
Ive massively upped how much I move and do yoga daily and Pilates x3 week but it is working .
1400 calories daily and I’m so much happier

I am your height and was about 12stone. I’m now 8stone 13lbs and try not to go over 9stone. I’m 50 next week. You can do it but you need to be in a calorie deficit or it’s not going to happen.
i used the nutracheck app and weighed all my food. You can scan barcodes on there too. I actually learned quite a lot about calories and healthier options. I feel so much better and have actually maintained this weight for more than a year now, which I have never managed to do before

What do you eat on a typical day? And how long did it take you to loose the weight?

I’m of the view that sugar is addictive. There is research which shows it lights up the pleasure and reward areas of the brain as strongly as crack cocaine. Like any addiction, there can be withdrawal symptoms when you try to stop, but they do not last for ever. If you get through them, the cravings diminish massively.

However that still leaves you with what Alcoholics Anonymous and other twelve step fellowships refer to as the mental obsession. It’s that insidious little voice which says things like: go on, one won’t hurt… everyone else is having it…. It’s a special occasion, you’ve had a hard day, you deserve it. And then you give in, and have just one. Packet, that is. And then the cycle of craving starts all over again.

Medical science does not agree that sugar addiction is a thing. Personally, I don’t care: treating it as though it is is the only thing which works for me. That means that I abstain from sugar and certain other foods, and from eating behaviours which make it difficult to stop at a reasonable intake. And in order to maintain those behaviours, I work the program of Overeaters Anonymous.

There are several other food-related Twelve Step programs (because food addiction is more complex and diverse than alcohol addiction). Not saying it’s the only way. But it as an option to be aware of for anyone who feels their eating has the quality of an addiction .

I agree @PuzzledObserver about the addiction. I can't have it in the house because one bit sets off horrendous cravings so I eat the lot and then want more, I'll never be "just one square" to satisfy my need for something sweet.

I did read somewhere that chocolate has a similar sugar:fat ratio as breast milk, and it is comfort food for some.

My DH is unwilling to join me on the low carb sugar free train, so we still have it in the house - a whole cupboard full of it.

I spent a year or so (while I was losing weight) managing to ignore it most of the time, as I came to emotionally accept that I simply cannot eat it in moderation. I would go for weeks or months and have none. The cravings disappeared - I didn’t feel that pull any more. But from time to time I would give in to the mental obsession and have “just one”. And another - if not that day, then the next. And eventually go on a huge binge. Initially an isolated one, but then they became more frequent, then regular - and my weight loss started to go into reverse. I had lost over five and a half stone, and gained about 16lb back.

That was the reason I joined Overeaters Anonymous. I had already discovered that 85% dark chocolate did not set me off in the same way as chocolate with less cocoa and more sugar. So I still have 2 squares of that a day. But apart from that, and a few occasions eating out when there was sugar somewhere I didn’t expect (which as stop eating as soon as a I taste it) - I have not eaten sugar since. That’s six months now.

I lost about half of what I had gained back, but now seem to have settled. Still overweight/borderline obese - but that’s radically different from being morbidly obese, as I was for most of my adult life. I’ve been wearing the same size clothes for a year. As far as I’m concerned, that’s a miracle. And while I won’t be getting a job as an underwear model any time soon, I am fit and active, free of joint pain and excessive sweating, plus as an unexpected bonus, my psoriasis has resolved.

My DH is unwilling to join me on the low carb sugar free train, so we still have it in the house - a whole cupboard full of it.

Your husband is being supremely selfish .

I’d stop buying the stuff. He can go out for his fixes.

No one needs sugar OP you are eating far too much!

Shakes aren’t healthy either

Of course he’s being selfish - he’s a human being, and possibly a sugar addict. At an earlier stage I asked him to keep it out of sight, and he did, and that helped. Fortunately, the presence of the sugar in the house is no longer a problem to me.

There are times when people need to be protected from their addictive substance in order to get clear of it, like when an alcoholic goes to rehab. But eventually you have to learn to negotiate the world in which many other people are consuming these substances around you. That’s where I am at now - I can be around people eating sugar and not join in.

I wish that he would cut down or give it up for HIS benefit. I don’t need him to do it for mine.

Apologies @PuzzledObserver - I went by what you said in your second paragraph, about cravings and ‘just having one’ leading to huge binges. It’s fantastic that you managed to knock sugar cravings on the head. I think cutting out sugar and other refined carbs is key to controlling one’s weight.

1400 cals per day

That's what you need to do.

Have you tried calorie counting? It allows you to have small sweet treats that way.

highly recommend switching to dark chocolate. I can’t stop with milk chocolate either. Lindt sea salt dark caramel is very rich, 6 squares in one day feels excessive with it so might help you?

i too am 5’4 and felt massive at 10st 7, so I think if you want to do it you should keep going.

Can you replace your sweets and chocolate with proper chocolate ( doesn't have to be dark just one with only 2 or 3 ingredients cocoa sugar and salt etc. Hu do good bars. More expensive but that's fine as you will also be cutting down to 2 squares of choc a day. Replace sweets with a handful of nuts and raisins. You will soon loose the sugar cravings and before long find dairy milk etc far too sweet.

I wonder if that applies in older adults because they're more likely to have higher muscle mass than older adults with lower BMIs including lower ends of "healthy".

No problem :-)