FIL told me I've got fat

[Partyrings123]

Visiting FIL today, lives 3 hours away so see a few times a year and he told me I've got fat. I'm 46 peri menopausal and very aware I've put on 1.5 stone. I already feel awful in myself and just burst into tears sat with the family. My DH tried not to make a scene and I also know FIL is elderly but was so upset. However, its given me the big push to shift the additional weight. Just didn't need to be told in a room full of people.

He’s a twat. He kicked you when you were down. You hope you feel better about it soon and it doesn’t hurt as much in the morning.

In the circumstances it is socially acceptable to say "and you have got rude"

However, its given me the big push to shift the additional weight. Just didn't need to be told in a room full of people.

Absolutely. What he said cannot be taken back, but use any energy to assist your determination for your weight loss goals.

Well he is very rude. Perhaps suggest to him that he works on his manners while you work on your weight loss.

Sorry, that sort of shit just annoys me. I dare say he’d get upset if you unilaterally criticised him ?

Absolute rude wanker , you know what to do when he needs any help in the future.

“I can lose the weight while you work on your manners”

Thanks all, needed this and definitely thr push I already knew I needed. Will hopefully not see him for a while.

People seem to cry so easily these days. A robust fuck off you rude git should have sufficed. Good luck with your weightloss - but lose it for yourself not for him. And minimise your contact with him going forward.

"And you're got stupid! At least I can diet."

To late for you OP, but out there for anyone else who finds themself in your situation.

I cry when I'm angry which is so frustrating. Something I'm working on.

I’m so sorry, I had a very similar run in with my mil last year, it bloody hurts and I stood up and walked out of the family meal and went home. I’ve not spoken to her since and neither has my Dh.

I’m sorry this happened to you OP. Maybe your FIL isn’t capable of holding his tongue anymore. I’m not defending him just thinking logically.

H needs to open his mouth, back his wife and stop being a wet lettuce. Fil could have been pulled up by him without 'causing a scene'.

Yeah he's annoyed me! Our DD8 was there and she saw me upset but didn't hear what FIL said so just wanted to leave and go home.
Ahhh why has it upset me so much, I'm usually good at the comebacks but I think because I know I've put weight on and so self-conscious about it

Off to batch cook some healthy meals ready for back to work on Monday and get into the right mind-set.

Fuck that OP. I wouldn't go and see him again, rude fucker. Think how horrible that was for your DD to see and it would have been even worse if she'd heard. I wouldn't have her around someone so nasty, she needs to learn that you don't stick around people who don't treat you with respect.

You need to tell FIL to go and fuck off!
you need to tell your H that allowing his father to body shame females, means you won’t be allowing your DD to go visit, until he has had a word with him

Standard comeback to anyone criticising your appearance should always be:

'Thanks! Is it my turn to have a go at your looks now?' And make a point of sizing them up and muttering things like 'hmmmm, where to start?' while you take as long as you need to think of an insult worthy of the situation.

I think some old people think it's ok to just speak their mind, regardless of whether it hurts your feelings. I was putting the bins out when an elderly neighbour walked past with her daughter. I swapped pleasantries with the daughter and her mother said "I didn't recognise you, you've put on weight". Her poor daughter was embarrassed, I was gobsmacked, but the old lady looked quite at ease with it. I went indoors and had a cuppa and a packet of biscuits 😂.

Was he always like that? Is there any cognitive decline? I remember my grandmother saying the same thing to my mother under the same circumstances, and looking at the timeline, it could well have been around the time her dementia started. Inhibitions can go. Or he’s just a rude old man.

My adult son said dad's got no filter these days.

It's an age thing in his case. He used to keep more remarks to himself. But he'd never have mentioned a woman's weight.

How old is he op? Was he always like this or is it recent ?

What’s annoying is that his comment has worked and he will feel smug about it when you lose weight.

I think that rather depends, she’s not said quite how elderly or if he has some signs of congitive decline. I very much doubt this was some sort of malicious ploy so he could watch her lose weight, more a comment he blurted out. A statement of fact, no matter how unpalatable.

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